


The Demons We Carry

by LilyAnson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abaddon (Supernatural) Being an Asshole, Aftercare, Crowley on Human Blood, Dom/sub, Dominant Cain, Loss of Powers, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Punishment, Slow Burn, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-10-23 09:48:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 55,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10716996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: After fleeing hell Crowley is cut off from hell's energy.  Low on powers and addicted to human blood he flees from place to place trying to stay alive.  One day he unconsciously makes a decision that forever changes his life.  When a certain demon knight decides to take matters into his own hands can they help each other heal from the demons of their past that still haunt them both?





	1. Chapter 1

  
  
  
  
Unable to stay in hell Crowley fled. As much pride as he had, he couldn’t deny that was precisely what he was doing, fleeing. It’s only temporary, he tried to tell himself. Just because he couldn’t see a way to fix things yet didn’t mean there wasn’t a way. Once on the surface he ported to an alleyway near a bar he wasn’t known for visiting. He would love nothing more than to hole up in one of his safe houses but he couldn’t be sure if anyone knew about them. Besides, he needed to find blood soon. Damn the Winchesters for getting him addicted to human blood in the first fucking place. Sooner or later he was going to have to ween himself off of it. For now one more injection wouldn’t make things worse.

Walking around to the front of the bar, Crowley opened the door and entered. He had no illusions that Abaddon’s followers were less likely to kill him in a crowded place than anywhere else, but it might be easier to hide in one. Maybe he should go to the Winchester’s. They might be able to help. Crowley pondered that for a while. He would have to make them think it was their idea or they would just blow off his request. The more he thought about the more he realized it was probably the only option open to him.

If any demon were close enough they could pick up on traces of demonic energy used for blinking. Sighing with reluctance Crowley checked his pockets. Naturally he didn’t have any human currency on him. Rolling his eyes Crowley started to head for the restroom. Before he could open the door he felt the presence of another demon. Backtracking Crowley pressed his way back through the throngs of people. Hopefully the other demon hadn’t and wouldn’t notice him before Crowley had time to get away.

He was just starting to believe he might actually have slipped out unnoticed until he stepped back into the alleyway alongside the bar. Though he couldn’t see the other demons he could feel them. He started to take a step back when he felt two more demons approaching from behind. He might be able to take out the three demon in the alley but five was a bit much, even for him. He had to do something to shake off at least a few of them. Crowley did something incredibly stupid in an attempt to lose his current pursuers. He ported to hell.

-  
Three Days Later  
-

Removing the last of the bandages Crowley inspected the wounds. Finally they were almost fully healed. Being a demon he would normally be able to heal himself instantly but without using his powers massive damage could take a while to fully heal even if he did heal faster than a human. Still, some of the wounds would take a few more days before they healed enough. He was going to have to doctor them and hope for the best. He slumped back against the dingy, worn out couch and sighed heavily.

Things could be worse he thought sardonically. At least this place was furnished. No matter how broken down the furniture was he wasn’t stuck sitting on the floor while he treated his injuries. Leaning forward he dug through the first aid kit he had nicked from one of the nearby convenience stores. Pulling out a few more gauze pads he began opening them. At least being a demon kept him from having to worry about infections.

It took about an hour to tend to the wounds that still required attention. When he was done he lightly ran his fingers over his face carefully prodding at certain places, wincing occasionally when his fingers found a particularly tender bruise or two. At least all of the cuts had healed. No matter, he thought. The rest would heal soon enough. Repackaging the supplies he closed the first aid kit and leaned back against the battered couch. Damn he really hated being on the run.

Hell was definitely off limits for the time being. There was no way he could take another chance like that any time soon. As much as he loathed the idea he needed help. The problem was, there were precious few people who could or even would help him. As much as he despised the idea he was going to have to go talk to the Winchesters. He glanced down at the bandages covering various wounds. Perhaps he should wait a few days.

Injuries dealt with, Crowley set about taking care of his other needs. Reaching down beside the couch he opened a cooler and pulled out a bag of blood. He frowned when he realized it was the last one in the cooler. Soon he was going to have to scare up some more blood but that could wait. Right now he just wanted to forget everything and revel in the feelings that came with injecting himself.

-

He knew he should quit using but right now the blood was about the only good thing he had left in his life. Glancing down he stared at the empty needle in his hand. Yes the blood made him feel good but it was a poor substitute for hell. No demon usually did well when separated from hell for an extended period of time and Crowley was no exception. What could he do about it though? There was no way he could go back to hell as long as Abaddon was still alive. Blood was the only thing that ever helped ease any of the discomfort but still…

Checking his supply he realized he only had enough blood left for two more days. His usage really was getting out of hand. He needed to find something else to replace the blood addiction soon. If only he could go back to hell, he brooded. Frowning he drew his brows down as a thought hit him. He may not be able to go back to hell but he didn’t need to, to feel the same energy. There was another way, he mused. Just as quickly as the thought struck him he dismissed it. There was no way that option was possible. It would be just as hazardous to his health as returning to hell. There was no way he was willing to take that chance.

-

The next day, mini cooler in his left hand so his right hand remained free, Crowley set off hitchhiking his way south. Demons would most likely blink from place to place so he wasn’t particularly worried about running into one. He didn’t really have a lot of hopes that anyone would stop. He knew how he looked; dirty, disheveled, potentially dangerous. Most people would probably just drive past without stopping. If anyone actually did stop to pick him up he could borrow their cell and call the Winchesters to test the water. If they seemed even the least bit open to the idea he’d make his way there. Until he knew how they would react for sure south as good of a direction to head as any.

As expected the few cars he saw passed by without even slowing. On one memorable moment a car full of drunken guys threw an empty bottle out the window. Their aim was so bad, either because they were drunk or because of their speed, the bottle didn’t even come close to hitting Crowley. Rolling his eyes he continued walking as the car of drunks sped down the highway shrinking to nothing more than a mere speck.

Gods walking was a slow way to get anywhere. If he wasn’t worried about conserving his powers for when he needed them he would have blinked to the bunker. He was seriously thinking about doing just that already. Normally he wouldn’t shoot up again for several more hours but he was seriously debating finding an out of site place to inject himself again. Shaking his head he decided against that. The blood he had left would only last two days if he rationed it carefully. He couldn’t afford to binge or he would run out before he was able to replenish his cache.

-

Almost three hours later, tired and annoyed, he finally entered a small town feeling more grubby then he could remember ever feeling before. Even if it hadn’t been about time for another dose of blood he probably would still have decided to shoot up anyway. After all the miles he just walked Crowley figured he deserved something for his troubles. Walking farther into the town his eyes shot side to side as he tried to find a quiet, out of the way, place. When anyone else walking down the sidewalk gets too close Crowley would sidestep to put space between them.

Finally he spotted a place that seemed quiet enough. Taking a sharp right Crowley headed straight for the Gas-N-Sip. The parking lot was empty except for one car Crowley assumed belonged to the clerk. Heading around the side of the convenience store he made his way towards the back. When he was halfway there he froze. He felt the presence of energy he knew all too well. Angels. Immediately self preservation shoved its way into to the forefront of his mind. His thoughts changed from getting high to fleeing. He had already taken two steps before a voice he hadn’t heard in awhile spoke freezing him in his tracks once again.

_“You don’t have to do this. We can find a way to fix things.”_

_“It’s too late for that, Castiel,” another voice stated._

_“You don’t have to do this. We can work together to-”_

_“The time for working together is over. Now you’re going to pay for what you’ve done Castiel.”_

“Damn it,” Crowley muttered. Castiel could take care of himself. He should leave before it was too late and the other angel came after him. Another time or any other situation and he might have done just that. If Castiel was nearby then it stood to reason that the Winchesters weren’t too far away. Crowley made a calculated decision. If he helped Castiel then the angel would owe him. Maybe he would help him when it came time to discuss his issue with the brothers. Turning around he walked to the back of the store and peeked around the corner.

Castiel and another angel were engaged in a fairly equally matched fight. Crowley set the mini cooler down and straightened. Taking a deep breath he stepped past the corner of the building. Drawing on what remained of his powers Crowley blasted the other angel into nothingness. As the angel disintegrated Crowley altered his stance to a more dispassionate posture and inspected his nails.

“Crowley?”

Crowley raised his eyes to give give Castiel a fairly disinterested look. “Yes?” he answered blandly.

Castiel’s eyes narrowed. “What are you doing here?”

Castiel’s tone was low and guarded. Crowley couldn’t blame him but right now he needed for the angel to trust him. “What am I doing here?” Crowley echoed, cocking an eyebrow. “I just saved your life and that’s your first comment?”

“Yes.” Castiel hesitated slightly. “And, uh, thank you,” he added looking uncomfortably down to the ground.

“I just happened to be passing by and thought I would lend a hand,” Crowley answered with a shrug. “Want to tell me why that angel was so unhappy with you?”

“No,” Castiel huffed, turning his head away and breaking eye contact with Crowley.

Crowley opened his mouth but stopped himself before he could say anything. Perhaps he should have noticed it before now but he hadn’t really been paying attention. He could have blamed it on the other angel or the blood cravings but he should still have noticed. Now that the other angel was dead Crowley didn’t feel the presence of any other angels. Which meant…

“You’re human,” Crowley said surprised.

Castiel merely shifted uncomfortably and continued not to meet Crowley’s eyes.

“Castiel,” Crowley growled.

“It’s none of your business,” Castiel snapped turning to glare at Crowley.

The angel, no scratch that. Not an angel anymore. The _human_ standing in front of him continued glaring at his as Crowley tried to decipher what had happened to Castiel. Crowley’s mind came up with a few unlikely scenarios he dismissed quickly. For a while he contemplated whether or not it could have anything to do with the trials before dismissing the idea. The trials had been to close hell. They shouldn’t have had any effect on an angel.

“Why are you here, Crowley?” Castiel asked angrily.

Crowley decided to ignore Castiel’s attitude. “Just passing through and thought you could use a bit of help,” he answered with a small shrug. “All things considered you seemed to be doing pretty good on your own though.”

“What do you mean, ‘all things considered’?”

“I mean since that was an angel and you, for some reason, aren’t any longer,” Crowley replied lightly. “Sure you don’t want to explain that?”

“No,” Castiel growled as he turned and started to leave.

“Oi!” Crowley called. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Castiel didn’t answered. Cursing Crowley retrieved the cooler and scrambled after the ex-angel. “You shouldn’t be going anywhere on your own you know?”

“Cut the crap Crowley. We both know you want something. Just spit it out already.”

“What makes you so sure I want something?” Crowley asked trying to sound indignant.

“You never do anything without wanting something in return. If you’re expressing an interest in me then you want something in return.”

“Okay fine, maybe you’re right,” Crowley consented. “But did you ever stop to think that maybe what I want is something you won’t mind providing?”

Finally Castiel stopped walking and turned to face him. “I’m listening.”

“I had something I wanted to talk about with the Winchesters. I just want company on the way there.”

“Why don’t you just blink to where they are?” Castiel asked suspiciously.

“Because I’m number one on hell’s most wanted list right now. If there are any demons nearby they’d be able to sense the energy signature. It’s safer traveling this way for now and since when haven’t I been concerned about my health above everything else?”

Castiel seemed to be considering this.

“How do you know I’m even on my way to see Sam and Dean?”

Crowley held up his hand and began ticking off points on his fingers. “You’re human, you you’re traveling south towards the bunker, some if not all of the angels just fell from heaven, and you’ve always been far too concerned with the Winchesters for your own good.” Dropping his hand he crossed his arms. “Where else would you be heading?”

“Whatever,” Castiel muttered before turning and stalking away.

Crowley glared at the angel for a few seconds before rushing to catch up with him. The cooler banged against his leg once and he raised it to keep it steady. “Hey hold up,” Crowley called out, rushing to catch up with Castiel. “If we’re both going to the same place there’s no reason we can’t walk together.”

“Fine,” Castiel grumbled without even looking back to Crowley. “Try to keep up.”

-

For hours they walked. All the while Crowley grew steadily more and irritable as his need for another blood injection increased. Gods he wished he could find a good enough reason for them to stop. All he needed was five minutes. Glancing sideways he scrutinized the former angel studiously. If Castiel was human now maybe Crowley could use that to his advantage.

“You look tired,” Crowley stated conversationally.

Castiel merely grunted without even looking in his direction.

“Perhaps we should stop for something to drink,” Crowley added.

“You stop for a drink, I’m going to keep walking,” Castiel shot back.

“Seriously? You’re human now, don’t you get thirsty?” Crowley growled. He hadn’t meant to sound so angry but the withdrawals were almost unbearable. He really needed to shoot up again and soon. Castiel stopped and turned back to him. Mentally calming himself Crowley tried again. “I’m not saying we should stop for the day. I was just thinking you might benefit from stopping long enough to grab a drink. That’s all.”

“And then we continue?” Castiel asked suspiciously.

“For as long as you like,” Crowley agreed.

“Fine,” Castiel huffed.

They stopped at the first convenience store they saw. Crowley followed Castiel into the store before turning and heading to the restroom. Moving quickly he shut the door and engaged the lock. Setting the cooler down he popped open the lid before reaching into the pocket of his suit jacket. He pulled out the small case containing his syringe. Quickly he removed the syringe from the case and snagged his last remaining bag of blood. He was in so much of a rush and the withdrawals were so bad it took him some time to actually hit his vein. When he finally succeeded he almost sighed in relief. He had no idea how long he sat there just reveling in the blood high before someone knocked on the door.

“Bollocks,” Crowley muttered. “Yeah, one second,” he called out. Capping the needle he returned it to his breast pocket and started putting the lid back on the cooler. When he was done he lifted the cooler and hurried to open the door. Castiel stood in the doorway, staring at him as if waiting for an explanation.

“Just freshening up,” Crowley said as he immediately brushed past Castiel.

Luckily Castiel didn’t attempt to stop him. Crowley was grateful. He had no idea what he would have said if Castiel had questioned his explanation. He was on his last bag of blood. He was going to run out if he didn’t find more soon.

-

They had been traveling together for four days. In that time Crowley had fallen into a routine. He would shoot up early in the morning and wait. When Castiel awoke they set out walking for the day. Sometimes they’d get lucky and someone would pick them up, driving them part of the way. Most of the time they weren’t that lucky. When it was time for them to stop for the day Crowley would wait for Castiel to fall asleep. The second the former angel was fully in the land of nod Crowley would shoot up again before sneaking out to look for a mark.

Most of the time he preferred to use one of the homeless population. If anything went wrong no one was likely to listen to them. If he had been only a demon he would have been screwed but he was also witch born. One of the spells he knew allowed him to erase a small amount of time from a person’s memory. The spell didn’t work very well on anything supernatural but it worked well enough to let him erase any memories of himself from any mortal. He was grateful that he didn’t have to sleep as he had to pull blood from multiple people or he would risk killing them. He didn’t particularly care if they died but he would rather not leave a trail of bodies for anyone to follow.

When he had enough blood to last the next day he made his way back to wherever he and Castiel were camped for the night. He would inject himself again and relax, reveling high brought on with the injections. So far none of his nightly excursions had been noticed by the former angel but Crowley remained worried how long that would last. Hopefully he could keep getting away now. Even if they didn’t get a ride they would arrive at the bunker in only a few more days. All he had to do was last until then. Crowley didn’t even allow himself to contemplate how he would replenish his blood supply when they finally arrived at the bunker.

Hopefully with the Winchester’s help he would be able to retake hell. When that happened he swore he would give up blood. Until then what was the harm in continuing to inject himself occasionally? Speaking of… Crowley pulled out his syringe and filled it. Injecting himself quickly he put everything away just as quickly and waited. Soon Castiel would wake and it would be time for them to get started walking again.

-

Crowley leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Castiel had insisted on making a stop to call Dean. Crowley encouraged the depowered angel thinking he could use the time to sneak off and shoot up while Castiel was busy. After injecting himself Crowley leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. As long as he didn’t spend too long dwelling on the things he’d done in his past everything was fine. The blood heightened whatever he was feeling so he made sure to only think happy thoughts when he was high. Suddenly he felt the presence of another person and opened his eyes. Castiel was standing just in front of him.

“Yes?” Crowley asked.

“The trials left Sam pretty bad off,” Castiel stated as he fidgeted.

Crowley narrowed his eyes. There was something Castiel wasn’t telling him. “And?” he pressed.

“And, uh, Dean called on an angel to help heal him.”

“An angel,” Crowley repeated flatly.

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Crowley said pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against. “Good luck with that.” Turning he started to leave.

“Wait!” Castiel called out.

Crowley paused and waited until Castiel caught up and moved to stand in front of him.

“You’re not going to the bunker with me any more?”

“Are you daft?” Crowley asked angrily. “I’m a demon Castiel. Just because you’re a human now doesn’t mean I am as well. Do you have any idea what’s going to happen if I show up and there’s an angel?”

“I’ll explain that you don’t mean any harm, you just-”

“You explain all you want, I’m still not going,” Crowley insisted.

“Crowley,” Castiel huffed.

“You were an angel Castiel. You know how angels feel about demons. Nothing you say is going to make any angel change their mind. Besides, after everything you’ve told me I would think you’d be worried about meeting other angels yourself. If you understand nothing you have to know going near other angels right now is suicide at best. Every other angel out there is going to be gunning for your blood,” Crowley growled.

“I have to see what I can do to help Sam,” Castiel insisted.

“Let me put it another way. You have to know there’s no way I’m going anywhere near an angel in this state.”

“And whose fault is it that you’re in that state,” Castiel shot back.

“If you insist on doing this Castiel I’m not going with you. I just can’t chance it.”

“I have to go, Crowley.”

Crowley hesitated before he finally answered. “Well then Castiel, I guess this is where we part ways.”

“I wish you would come to the bunker with me Crowley.”

“Not a chance, Castiel.”

After a few moments of silence Castiel gave one quick nod and turned to leave.

-  
Two Weeks Later  
-

Depressing the plunger on the syringe Crowley leaned back and let his eyes close. He let his head fall back against the wall behind him as he waited for the blood to hit. The time between shooting up was rapidly getting shorter and shorter. He really did need to find an alternative but he couldn’t think of one. He cracked his eyes open and frowned. Well, he couldn’t find a _good_ alternative he amended. There was one other thing he could try.

Pressing his lips together he shook his head. No, he couldn’t do that. Doing that would be almost like committing suicide. ‘Almost?’ he asked himself. Crowley snorted. It would definitely be suicide and he knew it. Still, if he got to feel that familiar feeling one more time maybe it would be worth it. Gods, what he wouldn’t give just to feel demonic energy crackling against his skin just one more time? Maybe, if he was cautious enough, he could do it. _He_ didn’t even have to be there. At the very least trace amounts of demonic energy would had to have been absorbed by the area. Perhaps he actually could do this, Crowley mused.

Crowley looked down and inspected the syringe. He finally realized he hadn’t even taken the needle out of his arm. Growling Crowley jerked the needle out and dropped it on the floor in front of himself. Having to move from house to house he couldn’t afford to be picky when it came to whether or not it contained furnishings. Oh gods he longed for the familiar comforts of his own apartments. Chairs, clean clothes, a bed. As the blood hit him he closed his eyes he let himself daydream about being back in his own apartments.

-

Crowley awoke with a start his eyes struggling to adjust to the dimness. Something’s wrong, his instincts screamed. Desperately Crowley struggled to understand what his instincts were trying to tell him when he felt it. Demons and they were close. As nice as it was to feel the demonic energy wafting off of them he couldn’t stay. He had to get out of here now. He started to gather his things but realized he didn’t have time. Damn it. He tried to port away but he was too late. The door burst open and three demons rushed into the house before Crowley could so much as touch his powers.

Immediately Crowley dropped into a defensive stance and reached for the demon knife he always kept in his jacket. The three demons rushed him and Crowley sized them up as quickly as possible. The one on the right was the slowest. If he took that one out first he would only have to worry about the other two. Twisting away from the first demon’s slash he ducked under the second demon’s blade and stabbed the third one in the heart. Unfortunately he also ended up smacking his elbow hard against the wall.

The demon went down and Crowley managed to keep his grip on his knife. Unfortunately the second demon got in a stab that glanced off of his collarbone and forced Crowley to fall to a knee. Crowley took the opportunity to stab the second demon in the heart and roll behind the first demon. As the last demon spun to face him Crowley struck out with his blade killing him. As the demon dropped Crowley wobbled on his feet slightly. Luckily he managed to keep his footing and didn’t fall. Double checking the demons littering the floor around him Crowley made sure they were all dead before walking across the room and slumping to the floor.

He needed to leave but he also needed a short rest first. Unable to see most of where the blade had caught his collarbone Crowley prodded at it with his fingers wincing. Damn that fucking hurt. If he hadn’t been a demon he would probably need stitches. Exerting a tiny bit of the powers he had left he willed the skin around the gash to bind mostly closed. Not knowing if the demons had informed any others he really needed to leave. Turning he glanced back to where he had been sitting checking on his paraphernalia. Groaning he realized his needle had been crushed during the attack. Just as well, one less thing to cart around he told himself.

With a grunt he staggered to his feet. He needed somewhere to go; somewhere safe where other demons wouldn’t look for him. Unbidden one name popped into his head. Growling he knew he should steer clear of there but the draw was too great. Not only was he out of blood but with his needle broken he would need a get a new one to be able to shoot up again. Not to mention he’d been cut off from hell for almost two months now. If he were careful maybe he could spend time in the area soaking up the residual energy without crossing paths with the owner. As unlikely as that possibility was he did his best to convince himself it was the truth. Before he could even chance talking himself out of it Crowley blinked.

-

Crowley almost panicked the instant he arrived. He quickly realized he was only feeling the occupant’s residual energy and breathed a sigh of relief. The resident of this place wasn’t home at the moment. So far so good. The demonic energy radiating off of the land itself soothed him and he leaned against the barn letting it flow over and throughout him. When he actually bothered to focus he noticed he was alone for the moment. Now if he could only continue to remain unnoticed everything would be perfect.

He stayed there, leaning against the old wooden barn, for several hours before he felt the sharp spike in demonic energy. Crowley’s eyes snapped open and his muscles stiffened as his head swiveled to the left. Cautiously he turned and crept along the edge of the barn. Pieces of peeling paint crunched under his hands as he made his way to the edge. Carefully he peered around the corner. As he expected he spotted the demon knight coming up the driveway. Instead of blinking the demon knight chose to drive as if he were human. He looked oddly normal sitting in the old, faded blue, beaten up, truck he was driving. Crowley blinked away before the other demon could get close enough to feel him.

-

There were times when Crowley would stay and watch the demon knight but, more often than not, he would flee instantly the second he felt Cain’s presence. For days things continued this way. The occasional times when Crowley stayed he would watch while the demon knight conducted his day to day business, most of which having to do with bees. Surprisingly Cain seemed to actually sleep which was odd for a demon. During those times Crowley would leave to find blood. He had since replaced the needles that had been broken and often resorted to ‘borrowing’ blood from hospitals.

Sometimes he would inject himself with too much blood and his emotions would get the better of him. When that happened he usually stayed hidden in some out of the way hellhole until he could get himself back under control. The absolute last thing he needed was to go spy on one of the most powerful demons alive without being able to control even the most basics of his emotions. In retrospect it was no surprise when it actually happened.

It was one of those times when he normally would have stayed away but for some reason he made his way back out to Cain’s house. The demonic energy skipping over his skin felt amazing and he found himself desperate to feel it again. Against his better judgement he blinked back to the demon knights property. He knew he was in trouble the instant he felt the demon knight’s presence. Usually this late in the afternoon Cain should be on the complete opposite side of the property tending his bees yet the aura of his energy inferred the demon knight was just around the barn’s corner.

“I know you’re there,” Cain stated loudly. Crowley didn’t move. “You might as well come out, if I have to come around there get you it’ll only be worse,” Cain called out.

Crowley almost snorted before remembering the gravity of the situation. Drawing the attention of a knight of hell would be bad for anyone but even worse for a demon. He had known this was a bad idea from the first time. Why he had continued to return he didn’t know. Actually, if he were being honest with himself he had to admit he did know. He had ached for the feeling of hell’s energy; for the demonic energy you could only get from spending time there. Barring the ability to return he discovered a demon knight produced their own kind of energy that was similar enough to soothe him somewhat. He kept returning because it made him feel better to bask in Cain’s demonic energy.

“Crowley,” Cain growled.

Dropping his head, Crowley slunk around the corner of the barn. Careful to keep his eyes downward he walked until he stood in front of the other demon. Staring down at the tips of Cain’s boots he stood there silently. As he waited the demon knight started to circle him. Crowley didn’t dare move. As Cain circled him Crowley tried his hardest not to start trembling. The blood he injected recently heightened his emotions and made it more difficult to remain still. Finally Cain made it back around to stand in front of him and stopped.

“Well demon?”

Crowley frowned in confusion, not quite sure what it was Cain wanted.

“I’m waiting,” Cain growled.

“I… I don’t have anywhere else to go,” Crowley stuttered.

“Well as they say, tough shit.”

Surprised, Crowley raised his head. The second his eyes met Cain’s Crowley dropped his head again and conscientiously stared at the gravel just in front of his own feet. “What would you have me say sir?” Crowley asked attempting to keep his voice as deferential as possible.

“Me? I’d just as soon kill you as look at you. The problem is I made a promise.”

Crowley’s brows knit together as he analyzed that statement. “A promise?” he asked.

“Never you mind,” Cain snarled. “I’m going to go inside to make some tea. When I get done you better be gone.”

“But I don’t have anywhere to go!” Crowley protested, raising his head to meet Cain’s eyes once again.

Cain shrugged. “Like I said, tough shit.”

“But I-”

“Need to leave,” Cain interrupted.

“One day!” Crowley begged. “Please!”

“You’re an addict, Crowley. You’re even worse then regular demons. I can feel the human blood you’ve been shooting up with from here.”

“I wouldn’t be this way if the Winchesters-”

“Quit blaming others for your addiction Crowley,” Cain growled. Cain took a step forward and leaned in closer. “Maybe they started you down the path but now they’re not around and you’re still shooting up. Aren’t you?”

Crowley flinched at the question.

“Crowley?”

Trembling slightly Crowley held Cain’s eyes. “Yes?”

“You only get one chance here so pick wisely. Leave or die.”


	2. Chapter 2

-  
Two Weeks Later  
-

Gods he ached. Being powerless and addicted sucked. Cain’s accusation resounded through his mind. _“You’re an addict, Crowley.”_ Crowley froze at that word. “I am not an addict,” he hissed. Instantly his shoulders slumped and he ducked his head. No matter how much he tried to deny it he was an addict. He needed more blood and soon. _Or a recharge from hell or a certain demon knight,_ his brain informed him. ‘Shut it,’ he told his brain. He couldn’t chance returning so soon. Maybe if he gave it enough time he could go back but he doubted it. Cain would probably incinerate him the second he ever showed his face again.

Bigger cities meant more places to find blood so he drew less suspicion. Unfortunately it also meant there were more chances for him to run into a demon as well. If he was going continue using though, it couldn’t be helped. With his addiction growing he needed the anonymity a larger city provided. Even so, he was going to have to change cities soon. He couldn’t ‘borrow’ from the hospital’s here after this without risking being caught. He could still get blood from others he could coerce into an out of the way spot but that was tricky. There was a lot that could go wrong and he could only get enough blood for one injection each time. After this run he should change cities. Sighing, Crowley started for the nearest hospital.

-

As he lay on the ground bleeding he realized he should have expected this. He’d known he had stayed here longer than he should have. He had gotten so tired of being on the move he allowed himself to think it would be alright to settle in one place for a while. The only thing he could think was that he had to get away. Unable to think beyond the need for safety Crowley blinked without thinking about the destination. 

The feeling of the hard asphalt under his back changed to a softer feeling. The angle of the sunlight hitting his eyes had changed and he squinted. For a while he let himself relax into the familiar feeling of the energy of this place. His instincts were screaming and trying to tell him he was still in danger but he ignored them. Of course he was in danger. If the other demons were half talented at all they’d be able to follow his energy trail here. As if bidden by the thought the other demons blink next to him. Before they could attack him there was a surge of demonic power. Crowley frowned as a blurry face bent over and stared down at him. He had a vague notion he should know this person.

“Didn’t I warn you not to come back?” the person asked just before Crowley blacked out.

-

Gods everything hurt. He needed to check if the other demons had followed, had to make sure he was safe. He started to tap into his powers to see if he could sense them but blacked out just before he could manage it. In the time that followed he was in and out on consciousness several more times. Sometimes he could almost swear someone was with him. Other times he could sense that he was alone. Time meant nothing during any of this.

-

Crowley’s eyes fluttered slightly before finally opening. The room was dark but somehow he sensed he wasn’t alone. His skin was slightly chilly. He was trying to understand why when something touched his side lightly. Frowning Crowley tried to analyzed the feeling. When he realized it was someone touching him he almost panicked. Someone else near him when he was this injured was bad. Crowley struggled trying to flee from whoever was present.

“Hold still,” a voice said softly.

Crowley started to struggle harder.

“Crowley stop,” the voice whispered harshly.

Crowley stopped moving. He was too hurt to defend himself. Whatever was going to happen to him would happen with or without his consent. There was nothing he could do but wait for the inevitable. Something pressed against one of his injuries and causing the pain to flare sharply and Crowley blacked out once again.

-

Crowley sat straight up as his eyes shot open. The quilt covering him fell to his waist and pooled there. He was just starting to inspect the room just as the pain hit. Wincing he laid back down and curled up into a ball. Small whimpers escaped through his lips as the pain coursed through him. Rocking slightly Crowley tried to focus on something else, anything else. Finally the pain began to ebb somewhat. Slowly he uncurled and sat up carefully to inspect his surroundings. 

Along with the bed there was a simple chair next to the bed, a full bookcase, a dresser and a writing desk with clock sitting on it and a leather chair sitting in front of it. He didn’t recognize anything. Looking down he inspected the quilt. While it was nicely done it was obviously handmade. It was cream colored with overlapping blue circles of two different tones. While the pattern of it was fairly basic it was also actually quite nice in it’s simplicity. And warm, Crowley added. Carefully he folded the quilt back off of his legs and got out of bed. 

Considering the fact that he was alive the demons chasing him probably hadn’t caught up with him. That or they had run into some kind of trouble. That thought gave him pause. What kind of trouble could a pack of demons run into that wouldn’t mean trouble for him? He wanted to be grateful, but he was worried. There was no way the demons after him wouldn’t have been able to follow his energy signature. Anything that would be able to handle a pack of demons would be able to kill him easily. By all rights he should be dead. Shaking his head to clear it Crowley made his way to the door. The knob turned and the door opened easily. However when the door was open he found a salt line and a demon trap just on the other side.

“What the bloody hell?” Crowley fumed. 

The absolute last thing he wanted right now was to meet up with whoever had taken care of the demons trying to kill him. He needed to leave before they returned. At the very least he had to leave to get blood. The withdrawals were already getting bad. Vaguely he wondered how long it had been since his last injection. Shutting the door he moved to the only window in the room. Opening the curtains he found warding symbols covering the glass of the window. There was no way he would be able to break them. He was effectively trapped. There was nothing left for him to do but wait; wait and hope the other didn’t intend him harm.

-

He was laying on the bed with his hands behind his head when he felt a sharp spike in demonic energy. Even though he should have recognized what he had been feeling sooner it wasn’t until then that his brain finally managed to make sense of everything. He _knew_ who it was that had demonic energy with this feeling. Cain. Panicking Crowley sat bolt upright instantly and winced at the twinges of pain it caused. The last time he was here Cain had threatened to kill him. He _needed_ to leave. Now.

Climbing out of bed Crowley’s eyes shot around the room trying to find something that might be able to help him. There was nothing. He would have fled if he had been able but there wasn’t a way out of here. If Cain caught Crowley in his house… He couldn’t let that happen but didn’t see anything he could do to stop it. The demon knight’s energy drew nearer. Shoving his emotions down Crowley tensed and prepared to defend himself. The door opened slowly. Cain stood just outside of the demon trap in front of the doorway. Crowley lowered his head deferentially but kept his eyes trained on the demon knight and waited.

“You’re awake. Good,” Cain said with a nod.

“I tried to leave,” Crowley told him.

Cain waved a hand dismissively. “But you couldn’t. Yes, I know.”

“The last time I was here you didn’t seem too happy about my presence,” Crowley stated cautiously. 

“I wasn’t. I’m still not particularly happy about it.”

“I don’t know how I ended up here. It wasn’t on purpose I assure you. If you break the warding I’ll leave, I promise.”

Cain gave an indecipherable grunt.

“I honestly didn’t mean to come here again,” Crowley said trying to figure out what Cain was planning.

“What are you doing Crowley?” Cain asked.

Crowley frowned, unsure how to answer that. “Um… I’m not sure I understand.”

“You had everything, hell’s throne, minions, job security, and you threw it all away just so you could get high on blood?”

“I can’t go back to hell,” Crowley admitted quietly.

Cain raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

“Abaddon. She-”

“Stop,” Cain ordered.

Crowley flinched at the tone and took a step backward. 

“Abaddon?” Cain asked in low growl.

“Uh, yes?” Crowley asked warily.

“Abaddon’s dead,” Cain snapped.

“No, she’s… Um she’s in hell,” Crowley stammered. 

With another growl Cain turned and stalked out of sight. 

Crowley waited until he was sure the demon knight wasn’t nearby before rushing to the door and peering down the hallway. The line of salt kept him trapped in the room but he could see the entirety of the hall if he leaned forward enough. There wasn’t much to see. The walls were white and the carpet was a beige color. A few closed doors lined the walls and that was it. Not a single picture donned the walls. Crowley pushed himself off the door frame and returned to inspecting the room. There had to be a way out of here.

-

Four hours later Crowley was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up and his arms wrapped around his legs. His back pressed firmly against the bed frame he rocked slightly his skin itching like mad. He desperately needed to shoot up but his cooler and needle were both missing. He guessed Cain had taken them before trapping him in this room. For some reason the demon knight seemed to take Crowley’s blood addiction personally.

“Yeah well, it’s none of his damned business,” Crowley grit out through clenched teeth.

When he finally felt Cain’s demonic energy increasing Crowley didn’t know whether or not to be happy. Heavy footsteps slowly made their way towards the room. Crowley forced himself to stop rocking and breath normally as he waited. The door opened and Cain stood in front of him holding a plate. Crowley waited for Cain to speak first.

“Food,” Cain merely stated holding the plate out towards Crowley.

Crowley shook his head. “Not hungry,” he muttered.

“You may as well take it,” Cain huffed.

“I’m fine,” Crowley maintained. “So, if you just break a ward I’ll be on my way.”

Reaching sideways Cain placed the plate on the writing desk near the door and crossed his arms. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

Crowley lowered his brows as he eyed Cain suspiciously. “Why?” he asked slowly.

“You’re staying here until you’re clean,” Cain told him simply.

“You can’t do that!” Crowley shouted, standing suddenly. Stalking his way over to the door he stopped in front of Cain and glared up at him. “Let me out. Now!” he demanded.

“No,” Cain replied flatly.

“I swear to Lucifer if you-”

The second the Archangel’s name passed his lips Crowley suddenly found himself flung across the room. He slammed into the far wall and fell to the floor. Stunned Crowley reached up and prodded his fingers tenderly against the back of his head. If he had been human he would probably have been knocked unconscious.

“If you ever use that name in my house again I’ll make sure it’s the last time you ever say anything,” Cain threatened.

Crowley flinched involuntarily at the tone. Unable to maintain eye contact, but also unwilling to drop his eyes to the floor submissively, Crowley fixed his gaze on the bridge of Cain’s nose instead. “You said you didn’t want me here,” he reminded the demon knight quietly. “So if you break a ward I’ll leave immediately, promise.”

“No,” Cain repeated. 

“Why?” Crowley asked, beginning to get annoyed. Gods his skin itched like mad!

“Because you’re going to get clean,” Cain told him. “When you’re clean once more you’re going to rule hell once again.”

“I can’t!” Crowley shouted exasperated. “I told you, right now Abaddon has control over hell. If I so much as blink to hell for a second-”

“You let me worry about _her_ ,” Cain growled. “You focus on getting clean for now. Eat, it might help you feel better.”

“I don’t want food, I want blood!” Crowley snarled before realizing why he shouldn’t be shouting.

Arms still crossed Cain lowered his eyebrows and merely eyed Crowley.

Crowley’s mind kicked into gear and reminded him he was trapped and at the mercy of the oldest demon knight in creation. He desperately sought for a way to backtrack so the demon knight didn’t strike him dead. Nothing sprang to mind.

“Whether you like it or not you’re going to sober up Crowley,” Cain told him. “We’ll discuss everything else afterward. Eat,” Cain ordered before turning and leaving.

Crowley stared at the empty doorway in disbelief. Blinking several times he tried to understand what just happened. Cain hadn’t killed him so hopefully that much of it was good at least. He walked over to the desk and stared at the plate of food. As a demon he didn’t have to eat, Cain would know that. After all, Cain wouldn’t need to eat either. Disinterest in the food Crowley turned away and started to pace. He didn’t want food, he wanted blood.

-

The next day the withdrawals were worse than ever. He hadn’t felt anything like this in a long, long time. Even though demons didn’t need to sleep they still could if they chose. Crowley made an effort to sleep through the worst of the effects but was less than successful. At some point the pains of the blood withdrawals became too much too allow for sleep. When that happened Crowley curled into a ball and squeezed his eyes closed against the pain. His skin felt like millions of ants were crawling over it and biting him.

Groaning Crowley rolled onto his side. He had rolled out of the bed earlier and landed painfully on the floor. Lacking the strength to even think about climbing back into bed he lay there on the floor. Gods he hurt. Between the injuries and the blood withdrawals it was almost too much to bear. Rolling onto his other side Crowley wrapped his arms around his middle and whimpered softly. If Cain wasn’t going to free him then why couldn’t he just kill him and have done with it? Gods, this was unbearable. Cain approached the door and bent down to scrape through one of the lines on the demon trap before striding into the room. 

Stopping near him Cain looked down and watched Crowley silently. Unable to articulate what he wanted to say Crowley looked up eyed him pleadingly. Cain shook his head. Bending down he gathered Crowley into his arms and moved him to the bed. Crowley sighed in relief. As angry as he was at being held here against his will it _was_ worse lying on the floor. He attempted to convey his thanks through with his eyes. Cain appeared to understand. A corner of his mouth turned upward in a half smile and he gave a single sharp nod. Crowley curled up on himself in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain. It didn’t work. A hand settled lightly on his shoulder and he jerk away from the touch. 

“Please!” Crowley pleaded.

“You already know the answer,” Cain told him. Kneeling down he placed one hand on either side of Crowley’s face. Moving Crowley’s head Cain inspected him. Crowley tried to pull away and Cain tightened his grip continuing to inspect him. Unable to fight him Crowley gave in and let Cain do as he pleased. When Cain finally released him Crowley ducked his head and curled up once more. 

“Please,” he whined.

“No,” Cain reiterated. 

Groaning Crowley began rocking again. His body felt as if it had turned to ice, yet at the same time his nerves felt like they were on fire. The need for blood both burning and freezing him at the same time. Something suddenly appeared in front of his face. Crowley jerked away and glared at the offensive object. Cain was holding out a forkful of something. Unable to speak Crowley shook his head to show he didn’t that want anything to eat.

“It’ll help your body recover faster if you eat,” Cain told him.

Crowley started to shake his head again and almost gagged when Cain jammed the fork into his mouth unexpectedly. Crowley’s eyes widened and he tried to spit out the food. Cain removed the fork and held Crowley’s mouth closed. 

“Mmph!” Crowley protested, attempting to voice his displeasure.

“Swallow or choke it’s up to you,” Cain murmured offhandedly. “How fast we finish this is completely your choice. You’re a demon so it’s not like it’s going to kill you.”

Crowley glared at the demon knight and swallowed. As soon as the food was down he opened his mouth to make as scathing remark. Before he could say anything Cain shoved another forkful of food into his mouth. Still glaring at Cain Crowley swallowed again. Cain gave one sharp nod before holding the fork in front of Crowley’s face once more. Glowering Crowley made no move to eat the food.

Cain shrugged. “It’s your call. You can eat it or I can keep force feeding you.”

“Fine, but I can feed myself,” Crowley snapped, scowling.

Shrugging once again Cain held out the plate of food and Crowley took it. His hands were trembling so much he had to set it down before he dropped it. Taking the fork from Cain he began eating. It was difficult and food kept falling off of the fork but somehow he managed. When most of the food was gone Crowley glance up at Cain.

“Good enough,” Cain conceded taking the plate. “I’ll be back later to check on you. In the meantime you should get some rest.” As he left he leaned down and repaired the demon trap at the doorway. Crowley repressed a growl of anger until Cain was finally gone. Without being able to shoot up just how the hell was he supposed to ‘get some rest’?

-

His body was still stiff and sore from the injuries he sustained in the demon attack but they were healing. On top of the frostfire he was already feeling the withdrawals were making him sick at his stomach as well. It vaguely occurred to him there was absolutely no way he would be able to hold anything down no matter what Cain wanted. Crowley hoped Cain wouldn’t show up with another plate of food today. For the last three days Cain had shown up once a day with a plate of food and forced him to eat. Crowley definitely didn’t share the demon knight’s ideas that eating was good for him. In fact eating always made him slightly sick at his stomach. The problem was that if he didn’t eat the food on his own Cain would ‘assist’ him so Crowley forced himself to eat as much as he could every time. 

Right on cue there was a knock on the door just before it opened. Crowley sat up and wrapped both arms around himself. Keeping his eyes down he waited. There was a soft noise as Cain set the plate down on the desk before approaching. As he had for the last few days Cain inspected him and tended to the injuries first. When he satisfied himself Cain returned to the desk and retrieved the plate of food. Crowley waited to see what it was today. If he hadn’t been suffering through withdrawals he might have enjoyed the food. Surprisingly Cain actually seemed to be a pretty decent cook. With the withdrawals making him sick to his stomach food was the last thing on his mind. Eating only seemed to make him sicker.

“You going to eat on your own today?” Cain asked.

“Haven’t I always?” Crowley shot back, keeping his eyes carefully averted.

While he wasn’t in danger of suffocating Cain force feeding him was more than unpleasant. After the first day Crowley had made it a point to feed himself. Not only was it more pleasant but it also made things go quicker. Cain held out the plate and Crowley took it. Silently he began eating. When he had eaten almost half of it he attempted to hand the plate back. Cain crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow. Sighing Crowley pulled the plate back to himself and began eating again. 

-

The next few days passed fairly similar. The only thing that changed was the food. Under any other circumstances Crowley might have enjoyed the food. Now, however, food was the least of his concerns. At least the withdrawal symptoms were starting to lessen slightly and his wounds were all but healed. Cain moved forward and Crowley wasn’t sure how he felt. On some deeper level Cain’s basic energy comforted him and let him relax. On another level Cain’s presence usually meant food. While he was coming to dread the food Cain’s energy did help to soothe his frayed nerves. 

When he judged Cain was near enough to be just outside the door Crowley waited but the door never opened. Straining he could swear he heard faint noises just beyond the door. He got out of the bed and made his way across the room. Pausing slightly he finally reached out and opened the door. A line on the demon trap had been broken and Cain was sweeping the salt into a dustpan. Crowley watched warily while Cain ignored him and continued sweeping up the salt until it was completely gone. 

Finally Cain turned to face him, nodded once and walked down the hallway. Bewildered Crowley hesitated slightly before following. In his time here Cain had never once allowed Crowley out of the room. Cautiously Crowley approached the end of the hallway and stared down the stairs. He could hear Cain moving around downstairs. Crowley turned and glanced back down the hall. If one of the other rooms had a window it might be unwarded allowing him to slip out through it. Crowley stood at the top of the stairs debating if he should chance wandering through the demon knight’s house. 

“Crowley,” Cain called.

Crowley turned and spotted Cain at the bottom of the stairs staring up at him. Biting his lower lip he descended, stopping only when he was face to face with Cain. Cain merely watched him for a few seconds before turning to head off to another room. Having nothing else to do for the moment Crowley followed Cain into what turned out to be the kitchen. Stopping in the doorway Crowley watched as Cain set a tray of tea on the table. When he sat down Cain looked over to Crowley and raised an eyebrow. Silently Crowley made his way over to the table and sat down on the opposite side of Cain.

“We need to set out some ground rules if you’re going to be staying here,” Cain stated as he poured tea into the two cups.

“Staying?” Crowley asked cautiously.

“Yes, staying until you’re fully clean and ready to return to hell,” Cain answered holding one of the teacups out to Crowley.

Taking the teacup Crowley frowned back at Cain. “Why do you care if I retake hell?” he asked suddenly as curiosity finally hit him. Until now he had been too busy worrying about the blood withdrawals to fully understand the ramifications of what Cain was proposing.

“Because someone has to rule it and you’re the best qualified demon for the job,” Cain replied taking a sip of his tea.

“Why don’t you want to take hell for yourself?” Crowley asked before wincing at the boldness of the question. Cain merely shrugged and took another sip of tea. Crowley, emboldened at not being incinerated for his forwardness, continued. “I mean, you are a demon knight, the oldest in creation.”

“Ruling hell isn’t high on my to do list,” Cain answer casually. “But since someone has to do it and you’re the most qualified…” Cain trailed off and shrugged again. 

“And Abaddon?” Crowley asked, scooting forward until he sat on the edge of his seat.

“You focus on getting back into fighting form first. Later we’ll worry about her.”

Crowley opened his mouth to protest but snapped it closed at the chilling look on Cain’s face. Dropping his eyes Crowley settled his gaze on the teacup and waited silently. For a while no one spoke and Crowley grew antsy as the seconds ticked by.

“First things first,” Cain began.

Crowley raised his head and met Cain’s eyes once again.

“After living as long I’ve lived I’m fairly set in my ways. From now on we get up at the same time every morning. We eat at the same time. Two meals a day, breakfast and dinner. I’m not going to tolerate too much of your attitude.”

“Hold on-” Crowley interrupted. “Why do we even have to eat at all? It’s not like we need the food.”

“I got into the habit when I married Colette. She was human so she needed to eat. I just never stopped. Besides, I find cooking calming.”

“Okay, but why do I have to eat as well?” Crowley asked mindful of his tone. Cain discussing his dead wife was treacherous territory. There was no way to know just what might be the wrong thing to say. Crowley decided it was best to avoid the topic as much as possible.

“Because I said so,” Cain stated cocking one eyebrow. 

“It’s just the food doesn’t sit well and-”

“All the more reason for you to keep eating. Think of it as a means to judge if you’re back physically to normal or not if you want. Besides as long as you’re staying here in my house you’re going to follow my rules. Either way most of the time you’re welcomed to do almost anything you please.”

“Almost,” Crowley repeated flatly.

“Like I said I have a few basic rules.”

“Now that I’m clean I can plot how to take hell back on my own.”

“You and I both know the second you walk out that door you’re off to find more blood.”

Crowley opened his mouth to deny it but realized they both knew it would be a lie. “Why do you care so much?” he asked instead.

Cain shrugged. “You’re the best candidate to rule hell,” Cain said off-handedly.

“How could you possibly know something like that?”

“I’m retired not dead, Crowley.”

“Yes but how do you know what hell’s like when I’m in charge, or any other demon for that matter? I mean-”

“Crowley,” Cain interrupted gruffly. “The rules,” he reminded Crowley. “One, no killing in my house. Two, no using demonic powers. Three, no destruction of property. Especially mine.”

“Wait a minute,” Crowley interrupted. “What happens if it’s accidental?”

“You planning accidental destruction?” Cain asked.

“No one plans it,” Crowley scoffed. “That’s part of what makes it accidental. What if-” 

“What if you work to make sure such an accident doesn’t happen and we won’t have to worry about it.” The set of his face told Crowley this wasn’t a question so much as it was a demand. Cain finished his tea and stood. Moving to the sink he turned on the water and began washing his teacup and saucer. When he finished he turned and started to leave. Crowley stood and started to follow him. Cain stopped and turned.

“Wash your dishes when your done, then you’re welcomed to get on with whatever you’re planning on today.”

“What are your plans for the day?” Crowley asked honestly curious.

“I’m going to tend to the bee’s for a while then make a run into town later. There’s a radio in the sitting room but I don’t own a television. There’s a lot of books if you like to read. Try not to damage any of them.”

With that Cain turned and finally left the kitchen. After only a short pause Crowley followed. Reaching the sitting room Crowley waited as Cain exited. When the door was finally closed Crowley moved to the door, hesitated slightly, and finally opened it. When he spied the salt line he groaned and rolled his eyes. _Really?_ Crowley felt the probability of finding an unwarded route out of the house lessening. To be thorough though he really should check on them all, he reminded himself.

.

One hour later Crowley had checked the entire house. He found all of the possible exits and one of the rooms had been warded. Not spying another bedroom other than the one he had so recently been trapped inside he made the assumption the warded room was probably Cain’s bedroom. While a demon, or even a demon knight, wouldn’t need sleep Cain seemed to have a fascination for emulating human behavior. If the room was indeed a bedroom it made sense Cain would ward it to keep Crowley from being able to enter.

Trapped inside a house he didn’t want to be in, with nothing to do and company he would rather have avoided, Crowley dropped into a chair in the sitting room and fumed. Spotting the old fashioned radio on the other side of the room he turned it on with a flick of his wrist. If Cain didn’t want him using his powers in the house maybe he shouldn’t have trapped him in here, Crowley grumbled mentally. Besides Cain was still outside with his accursed bees. What the demon knight didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

After fifteen minutes of sifting through various stations Crowley flicked his wrist once more and shut off the radio. Honestly, if Cain was going to actually acquire a radio he could have at least made sure to get one that had fm as well as am. Crossing his arms he debated what to do with his time. He supposed could read a book but he really wasn’t in any mood to read. What he wanted was to get out of here and plot how to kill the ginger bitch who had stolen hell. With a sigh he realized he could plot and plan just as easily from here. Cain didn’t seem to like Abaddon very much. Maybe he could find some way to get Cain to kill her. 

After only five minutes of sitting still Crowley began to drum his fingers against the arm of the chair. After another five minutes he slammed his palm against the arm of the chair, stood up, and started to pace. He knew why he didn’t want to stay here. At this point he was pretty sure Cain wouldn’t kill him, at least not without Crowley giving him a decent reason. He could theoretically plan for Abaddon’s demise anywhere so planning here shouldn’t be a problem. No, it was the fact that he still wanted to shoot up again that was making him antsy.

“I am _not_ an addict,” Crowley growled.

In spite of how hard he attempted to deny it, or maybe because of, he knew that statement was a lie. He was an addict. Growling to himself Crowley stormed out of the room and up the stairs. Stalking down the hallway he flung open the door, entered his de facto bedroom, and slammed the door shut behind himself. Ignoring the hole in the wall the doorknob had made he flopped down on the bed and glared up at the ceiling.


	3. Chapter 3

Leaning casually against the wall Travis glanced surreptitiously around the roomful of milling demons. While demons could and did work in small groups for short spans of time they didn’t usually manage it for extended periods of time. Not to mention this many demons in one place usually spelled trouble fairly quickly. For now all was calm. Travis had a vague notion that it was only because they’d all been summoned by Abaddon. The woman in question was sitting on hell's throne as if she owned it. 

In way she partially owned it but in a way it still belonged to Crowley. Travis was entirely willing to side with whichever party eventually took the throne completely. He had always been willing to sell his services to the highest bidder in life. Being a demon hadn’t change that. If it changed anything it had only served to make him more shrewd about who he chose to back. Now he was more cautious. As a human if he happened to pick the wrong person he could evade them. If he chose to back the wrong demon he would very likely end up dead. Travis, like several other demons, chose to remain on the fence. Well at least until was more clear who would come out on top of that battle.

In hell being the ruler also came with certain perks. The demon that ruled hell could draw extra power from those loyal to them. Only one demon could truly rule and so regime changes always included assassinating the previous ruler. Actually holding the throne went a long way towards claiming the title but it would never be enough by itself. For Abaddon to truly claim hell and any of the perks that came from ruling she would have to kill Crowley.

“Alright minions listen up,” Abaddon called out, sitting up straighter. “It hasn’t escaped my notice there’s still a few of you who think Crowley might actually return to reclaim the throne.”

“He is still alive,” a demon near the front called back to her.

Abaddon waved a hand dismissively and there was the unmistakable sound of someone exploding. Travis rolled his eyes mentally. He would refrain from outward expressions until he was absolutely positive who he was going to support. It didn’t pay to be stupid in hell. Abaddon was a demon knight but Crowley was a sneaky bastard. If he was seriously going to consider betraying Crowley he was going to need pretty sound assurances Abaddon would succeed in killing him.

“Yes,” Abaddon continued sourly. “Crowley’s still alive. For now. In my time it wouldn’t even have been a question. All demons would have jumped at the chance to obey a demon knight. Now I see I may need to add a little extra added inspiration. So I have a proposition for you lot. Which ever one of you brings me Crowley, _alive,_ can be my second in command. I will give you power over every other demon in hell and as long as you’re loyalty doesn’t waiver you’ll have my protection. Do whatever you need to bring him back here but,” she stressed, pausing as she stood. “He _must_ be alive.”

-

It was dusk before Cain returned. Although Crowley had slept a little he’d been plagued by nightmares and had woken up after only a few hours. By the time Cain made it back to the house Crowley was in a foul mood. Out of defiance he continued to lay on the bed instead of heading downstairs for dinner. Crowley wasn’t surprised when he felt the demon knight approach the room. He was slightly nervous though, oh yes. It would have been utterly stupid not to be nervous at the prospect of facing a demon knight you were in the middle of defying.

Crowley felt Cain stop just outside instead of entering. When there was no knock on the door Crowley frowned. Getting out of bed he made his way across the room and opened the door. At first Crowley only noticed Cain’s retreating back. It wasn’t until he tried to follow after that he finally realized what happened. Suddenly Crowley’s frown turned into a scowl.

“Cain!” Crowley shouted down the hall. Even knowing better he still tried to take a step out of the room. When the warding stopped him a second time Crowley growled loudly and yelled after Cain again. “Cain!” The demon knight didn’t respond and Crowley growled again. Turning to his right Crowley struck out with his powers. The chair sitting in front of the writing desk exploded. Bits of leather and splinters of wood showered the room. Breathing heavily Crowley tried to reign in his anger. As much as he would like to destroy everything in sight his outrage wouldn’t be useful right now. Suddenly the door slammed open and Crowley started to spin back around to face the door.

Before he had managed to turn around fully he found himself blinking rapidly while laying on the other side of the room. He felt demonic energy crackling over his skin as his body was lifted and and pinned against a wall. Opening his eyes he squinted trying to focus his vision. He was still seeing blurry double images. Unable to raise his arms Crowley scrunched up his eyes before blinking a few more times. Luckily it helped and his vision cleared. Unluckily the first thing he saw was a pissed off demon knight striding towards him. Crowley flinched as much was possible as the demon knight approached and wrapped one hand around Crowley’s throat.

“I should kill you now and be done with it,” Cain growled.

For the moment Crowley was sure that’s just what was going to happen. The hand at his throat loosened slightly but didn’t move. The demonic energy pressing him painfully against the wall didn’t lessen. Quite the opposite actually. Crowley thought it might have actually increased in pressure. Crowley cracked an eye and attempted to read his fate in Cain’s face. If he were forced to guess Crowley would have laid his non existent soul on Cain killing him.

“The rules were simple Crowley. No demonic powers and no destroying my property. If I’m not mistaken I believe I also told you to wash your dishes when you were done with them and not just leave them on the table.” There were a few seconds of silence before Cain’s hand finally dropped away from Crowley’s throat.

“Consider this your one warning. If you’re going to act like a child though, I’m going to treat you like one. For now you’re grounded. When I feel like you’ve learned your lesson I’ll consider letting you out again. Agreed?” Cain asked raising eyebrow questioningly.

“Grounded?” Crowley asked incredulously. “You can’t just ‘ground’ me like I’m some bratty child!” Crowley shot back angrily.

“Actually I can,” Cain told him. “I think I’ve pretty much proven that.”

“It was a sodding chair!” Crowley huffed.

“It was my chair and I told you not to destroy my things.”

“Fine, it won’t happen again.”

“Damn right it won’t. If you purposely destroy something of mine again I’ll take you back to hell myself and leave you there powerless.”

“You wouldn’t,” Crowley argued. 

“I can and would,” Cain avowed sincerely. “I can suppress my energy enough that other demons won’t even notice my presence if I didn’t want them to notice.”

Lucifer help him, Crowley actually believed Cain could do just that. Very little information was actually known about demon knights. Most of the knowledge about them came from hearsay and conjecture. Maybe he should try a little harder to adhere to the rules. “Fine, I’ll wash the dishes and I won’t destroy anymore of your property,” Crowley consent grumpily.

“And tone down the attitude while you’re at it. I could wipe you out of existence without batting an eye. You need to learn to show respect.”

Crowley opened his mouth to make a snarky retort but thought better of it. Cain could wipe him out easily. It would be incredibly stupid to anger the demon knight further. Crowley dropped his eyes to the floor. “Sorry,” he muttered.

Cain gave a loud snort. “I bet you’re sorry,” he told Crowley. “Probably sorry you got yourself stuck here with me more than anything else though.”

Crowley said nothing. Cain was right of course but he didn’t have to admit it. Right now he just wanted to focus on not making anything worse. He would bide his time and find a way to escape eventually. All he had to do was wait until the right moment presented itself. The energy holding him against the wall lessened slightly and slowly he was lowered to the ground. Still he didn’t raise his eyes. He had been lucky that Cain hadn’t killed him yet. He needed to be more careful until he could find a way out of here.

“Better,” Cain stated. “That mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble one day if you don’t learned how to control it better.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Crowley muttered, more to himself than Cain.

“That I don’t doubt one bit,” Cain grunted. “I’ll bring dinner up in a few hours and I expect you to eat everything this time.”

Raising his head Crowley opened his mouth to protest being forced to eat. Cain crossed his arms and waited. Crowley paused long enough to realize it was probably better not to argue with Cain so soon after pissing him off and closed his mouth. His mouth really was going to get him into trouble if he wasn’t careful. He dropped his eyes back to the ground he nodded not trusting himself to speak. If he spoke he wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep the anger out of his voice and that couldn’t end well.

“Good. See you in a few hours then.” Turning, Cain left without another word. 

-

The first night of his ‘grounding’ Crowley hadn’t actually been able to eat everything as Cain had wanted. While he was feeling better food still made him feel queasy. After using his powers and the altercation with Cain Crowley wasn’t feeling all that great already. He managed to force himself to eat about half of the food before it decided to make a reappearance. The instant Crowley realized he was going to vomit he ran for the door. In his hurry to find a suitable place to throw up he momentarily forgot about the warding. 

He started to rush through the door and slammed into the warding. Stunned he hit the ground hard. Sadly the impact did nothing to alleviate his stomach's desire to rid itself of everything. Rolling onto his side Crowley began to retch. At some point he became vaguely aware of a hand resting on his shoulder. Still retching Crowley jerked his shoulder sharply away from the hand. The hand tightened slightly for a second before finally letting go of him. Crowley sighed in relief before retching again. 

In hell any moment of weakness was dangerous. There was always a chance a demon would take advantage of that moment and use it to kill you. Was he back in hell again, Crowley wondered. The energy here felt similar. His stomach clenched and he retched again. For one maddening moment he almost believed he was back again. He could feel the demonic energy of the place resonating against his skin. Something about the energy wasn’t right though.

“Sh,” whispered someone from behind him. “Sh Crowley.”

Eventually his stomach finally stopped clenching. Opening his eyes he realized he couldn’t see very well. Crowley frowned in confusion at this development. Laying on his side Crowley racked his mind trying to makes sense of why his vision was so blurry.

“Everything’s fine,” the voice whispered soothingly. “Let’s get you off the floor and into a bed now, okay?”

Blinking his eyes to clear them Crowley inspected his surroundings. He was indeed lying on the floor. Before he could reply to the speaker something caught his attention and the stinging in his eyes increase. “The floor… I think… I think I was… sick,” he stated haltingly.

“It’s fine Crowley. We’ll take care of that later. Let’s get you into bed now, okay?”

Crowley shook his head. “I have to… fix it.” Shaking his head again he paused. Fix it, wasn’t right. “Clean it,” he corrected with a frown. It was so hard to think.

“Later Crowley,” the speaker told him. 

Crowley shook his head. He couldn’t explain it but he _had_ to clean up his mess. He froze as the reason suddenly flashed into his mind. In his mind he was five. It had been his birthday; the only one his mother had ever remembered. She brought him a bag of candies as a surprise. In spite of his mother's warnings he had eaten them all almost immediately. 

_“Stupid boy. Didn’t I tell you eating all those sweets would give you a bellyache?”_

_Her words only caused him to cry harder. Fergus reached up towards his mother. Instead of being picked up and comforted his mother slapped his arms away._

_“I’m not going to coddle you for something you brought on yourself. I warned you not to eat all of them at once. Now clean up that mess.”_

_His crying intensified but his mother threatened to beat him if he didn’t stop whining and clean up his mess. Sick and upset Fergus didn’t immediately obey. After she beat him she dragged him back over to the vomit and ordered him again to clean. Sick, in pain and too scared of being beaten again, Fergus began cleaning the foul smelling mess off the floor._

“Crowley,” a voice sounding far away called to him.

For a moment he lay there confused. What kind of a name was Crowley? When someone’s hands touched him and started to move him he struggled to break free. Finally he remembered. He was Crowley and… and there something else. His eyes flicked back to the puddle of sick covering the floor in front of him. He had to clean it up or he would be in trouble, he was sure of it.

“Have to,” he mumbled. “Have to.”

“Okay Crowley, okay. Stop fighting me and we’ll take care of it, alright?”

Relaxing Crowley nodded tiredly. There was a sound of someone snapping their fingers and the mess disappeared. Crowley frowned at that. He didn’t have too long to consider it before someone was helping him to his feet. Too soon he found himself standing upright. Another wave of nausea struck him and Crowley stumbled. Hands gripped his arms and helped steady him before he fell over. Suddenly he was lifted off his feet and found himself being carried across the room. When they reached the bed the other person laid Crowley down carefully. He tried to mumble a thank you but wasn’t sure if he thought the words or actually spoke them. Too tired to care for the moment Crowley let himself fall into sleep.

-

The days seemed to last forever. Crowley had never been particularly good at sitting still in the best of times. Actually, if he was being honest with himself he fucking hated having nothing to occupy his time. And he usually did try to be honest whenever possible, though he doubted anyone would believe that. Sighing he poked the current plate of food he was supposed to eat. 

“Are you done?” Cain asked.

“I think so,” Crowley muttered, stabbing at his eggs a few times.

“Don’t make yourself sick,” Cain cautioned.

“Then I’m done,” Crowley sighed dropping his fork onto the plate and straightening. 

“You should have said something before it went that far, Crowley.”

“Would you have listened?” Crowley snarked.

“Yes,” Cain replied simply. Setting his glass down Cain leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. “I can tell when you’re lying to me Crowley. If you had told me I would have believed you because I could have sensed the truth.”

“Whatever,” Crowley mumbled starting to stand.

“Sit down,” Cain ordered.

Crowley sat down slowly unsure.

“I want to tell you a story,” Cain began.

“I’m not sure-”

“Hush,” Cain demanded. “Where was I?”

Crowley opened his mouth but Cain spoke before he could.

“That was rhetorical,” Cain stated flatly. Cain unbuttoned the right sleeve of his shirt and rolled it up to reveal the mark.

Instantly Crowley scooted backward in his chair and tensed. “The Mark,” he whispered.

Cain nodded. 

“Can you, uh…”

Sighing Cain unrolled the sleeve and rebuttoned it. “It was given to me by Lucifer himself when I made a deal with him.”

Crowley’s eyes jerked up to meet Cain’s instantly. “A deal?”

“Abel thought he was talking to God.”

“He wasn’t?”

“Able wasn’t talking to God, he was talking to Lucifer. Lucifer was going to make my brother into his pet. I couldn’t bear to watch him be corrupted so I offered a deal -- Abel’s soul in heaven for my soul in hell. Lucifer accepted on the condition that I be the one to send Abel’s soul to heaven. So I killed my brother and became a soldier of hell.”

“The first demon knight.”

“The first but not the last. Lucifer ordered me to create more. My knights and I did horrible things. For centuries we were the bringers of chaos and darkness.”

“And then the angels killed the others.”

Cain shook his head. “The angels didn’t kill them, Crowley.”

Narrowing his brows Crowley eyed Cain carefully. “If it wasn’t then angels,” he said slowly. He let the question hang in the air.

Cain nodded slowly. “I killed them; all except Abaddon.”

“If you killed the others then why didn’t you kill her?”

“I wanted to, trust me,” Cain growled.

“Then why didn’t you?” 

“I made a promise,” Cain said as he stood. “I think that’s enough sharing for now. I left clothes in your room. Get changed, I’ll do the dishes today.”

“Um, get changed?”

“I have a feeling you’re not going to want to wear a suit for what we’re going to be doing today,” Cain answered briskly as he gathered the dishes.

Crowley moved around the table and followed Cain over to the sink. “What are we doing today?” he asked.

“Get changed and you’ll find out,” Cain answered cryptically.

“Just tell me,” Crowley insisted.

Cain stopped moving. Slowly he turned to face Crowley. “Get. Changed.”

The power radiating off of the demon knight caused Crowley to take an involuntary step backward. He scowled at the action. While he hated feeling vulnerable he cautioned himself against arguing with the demon knight. Instead he averted his eyes, nodded once, and headed out of the kitchen. Once he was out of Cain’s view Crowley resumed scowling. He _needed_ to find a way out of here and to shoot up one more time. Crowley paused. Okay, so maybe shooting up was a want not a need but he felt like he did deserve at least one more shot. 

He entered his room and closed the door. Walking across the room he inspected the outfit laying on the bed. The outfit was made of a white material, cotton most likely. Reaching out he gripped the sleeve of the shirt between his forefinger and thumb feeling the fabric. It was indeed a lightweight cotton as he had expected. It wasn’t bad but it was a far cry from the suits he usually wore. What he didn’t like was not knowing what Cain had planned. He absolutely hated surprises. You couldn’t adequately plan if you didn’t know what to expect.

After he was done changing Crowley opened the bedroom door and found himself face to face with Cain. Before he could say anything Cain placed a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. There was the familiar lightheaded feeling. Crowley realized the instant he felt it Cain was blinking them. Sure enough, a split second later he found himself standing next to Cain in a room he hadn’t seen before.

“Where are we?” Crowley asked.

Cain shrugged. “I built this as a place I could use if I ever got frustrated and needed a safe place to lash out with my powers. It’s warded so the energy won’t be sensed by anyone outside of this room and only I can blink into or out of it.”

Crowley thought about that for a minute. “So, why didn’t you just leave me here when you decided to abduct me?”

Abduct?” Cain asked raising an eyebrow.

Crowley shrugged.

“If I remember correctly I told you I’d kill you if you ever returned.”

“But you didn’t,” Crowley pointed out.

“Would you like me rectify that now?” Cain asked.

“So about the room,” Crowley stated to change the subject. 

“That’s what I thought.” 

Before he knew what was happening Cain struck out with his powers and knocked Crowley into a wall. 

“Bloody hell! What the hell was that for?!”

“You have to be ready for _anything_ if you’re going to take hell back from Abaddon.”

Cain struck out again but this time Crowley was ready. Ready or not it was still difficult to deflect the blow. “What the absolute-” His words were cut off when Cain struck out once again and he actually had to duck to avoid it.

“You need to be ready for anything,” Cain repeated. “Come on Crowley, defend yourself.”

“I’m not fighting you!” Crowley shouted deflecting another blow. “You’ll end up killing me!”

“So will Abaddon if you try to retake hell in your current state,” Cain stated as he began to circle Crowley.

“Which is why-. Fuck!” Crowley dodged another blast and turned with Cain to keep an eye on him. “Why I’m not bloody going back to hell!” Crowley managed to finish shouting moments before he was flung against one of the rough stone walls. Cain’s powers held Crowley motionless as the demon knight approached.

“You’re going back to hell,” Cain stated harshly. “The only question is whether or not you’ll be prepared to reclaim your throne when you return.”

-

By the time Cain finally called stop Crowley was almost too tired to move. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this sore or used his powers for so long. While he didn’t _need_ to sleep all he wanted right now was to curl up in bed and rest. When Cain ported them into the bedroom Crowley nearly sighed in relief.

“Now what?” Crowley grumbled honestly hoping there wasn’t anything more Cain wanted to do today.

“Now you rest,” Cain stated simply.

“Thank the gods,” Crowley muttered flopping down onto the bed. Closing his eyes he let himself drift into blessed unconsciousness.

-

Crowley grew to hate mornings. He usually didn’t mind food occasionally but being forced to eat twice a day sucked. He was rapidly getting tired of the limited options as well. He would do almost anything to avoid going downstairs in the mornings. That’s what started the change in his morning routine. It was gradual at first. He found himself straightening his room, making the bed, anything to postpone heading down for breakfast. 

One morning he busied himself with dusting everything for so long he finally realized it was past time for breakfast. Slightly nervous Crowley reached out with his powers, felt for Cain and only found residual energy. Frowning Crowley slowly made his way downstairs. Cain was nothing if not a creature of routine. A change in pattern couldn’t signify anything good. The first place he checked was the kitchen solely out of habit. As expected there were no signs of the demon knight. Despite knowing better Crowley finished checking the rest of downstairs before conceding defeat. Not knowing what else to do Crowley dropped into what had become ‘his chair’ in the living room. 

Drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair he thought about what he could do to occupy his time. After the first few days here Crowley hadn’t been allowed to sit around do nothing during the day. Even if it was only reading Crowley had been expected to find something to occupy his time. Lately that included Cain’s version of ‘training’. Crowley shuddered at the thought. There was no way he was going to be able to take a demon knight down without some serious plotting and planning. He wasn’t sure what the ‘training’ was supposed to accomplish. Tilting his head he realized one of the pictures on the wall was crooked. 

Standing he made his way over to the wall and straightened it. Frowning he inspected his fingertips and realized they were dusty. With a sigh Crowley headed to the kitchen and gathered a one of the cleaning rags kept there. He made his way back into the living room and dusted the picture frame. When he finished he glanced around to the other pictures. Shaking his head he realized they were probably dusty as well and set about cleaning them. While he worked he began humming to himself. He had just finished the top of the coffee table and was starting on the legs when a voice behind him spoke startling him.

“Looks nice.”

Crowley jumped and accidentally hit his head on a corner of the coffee table. Wincing he brought his hand up to the injury and turned his head slightly. “Bollocks! You could warn someone next time instead of sneaking up on them,” he snarked.

Cain merely shrugged. 

“I had to find something to do and you were gone,” Crowley grumbled as he stood.

“Interesting.”

“What?” Crowley grumped.

“Nothing. Did you eat anything for breakfast?”

“No and I don’t want lunch.”

Nodding absently Cain inspected the room. Crowley scowled. To him it felt as if his work were being judged and he hated it. “Yeah well, if it’s not good enough-”

“It’s good,” Cain grunted sitting down in the nearest chair. Reaching over to the table next to the chair he picked up his current book and began reading. 

Crowley lowered his eyebrows and tried to understand if that had been a genuine compliment or not. ‘Good.’ He turned the word over in his mind. Crowley realized with surprise it was the first time Cain ever told him he’d done good. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. As he tried to process how that made him feel Cain glanced up from his book.

“Planning on standing there all day?” Cain asked.

Crowley’s scowl deepened as he moved to the chair he usually sat in and picked up his own book. Still, he couldn’t concentrate on the printed words. His mind was still trying to decipher if there had been any hidden meaning or derision in Cain’s compliment.

“Crowley,” Cain stated offhandedly.

“Hm,” Crowley hummed glancing over to the demon knight.

“Your book’s upside down.”

Looking down at his book he realized Cain was right. Growling Crowley shut the book and placed it back on the coffee table. Leaning back in the chair he crossed his arms and glared at the wall in front of him. At the sound of Cain’s book closing Crowley turned back to face him.

“Something on your mind?” Cain asked.

“No,” Crowley lied.

“Crowley,” Cain drawled.

“Very well, then. I don’t want to talk about it,” he sulked.

“Alright then,” Cain answered.

Crowley scowl lessened until it was only a frown. “That’s it?” Crowley asked surprised.

“That’s it,” Cain confirmed. As Crowley continued to frown Cain sighed and sat forward in his chair. “We all have things we don’t want to talk about Crowley. Whether out of fear or respect you’ve refrained from asking about my secrets. I respect your right to keep your secrets your own as well.”

Crowley was unsure how to answer that. “Thank you,” he said slightly tentatively.

“I better get back to my bees,” Cain said setting down his book.

“What’s the deal with the bees?” Crowley asked impulsively before he could talk himself out of asking the question.

“Beekeeping is relaxing. I’d explain it to you but I really think it’s more of something you have to experience. You’ll have to join me one day before you leave.” 

Without another word Cain stood and left. Crowley stared as the demon knight exited the library and, eventually, the front door opened and closed. Leave. The way Cain had said the word was just so… so final. Yes, Crowley had often thought about escaping but now when he was faced with the very real prospect of leaving here he was hesitant. He should be thrilled at the idea of finally being about to leave but now something was different. Maybe it’s just that I’ve gotten used to absorbing his energy, Crowley mused. 

Bring up both hands he scrubbed his face briskly. He didn’t see Cain being the type to welcome regular visits. If he left he would need to find a new way to replenish his energy. At least he would be able to do as he pleased. If he were no longer staying here there wouldn’t be anyone to stop him from doing anything he wanted. _Like shooting up,_ his mind added helpfully. Crowley brushed that thought away. He’d worked hard to overcome his addiction. While he still craved blood it was much easier to deal with the cravings now. There was no sense in rekindling the addiction now.

While he daydreamed of escaping his thoughts had never extended to what he would do if he ever managed. It was probably due to the fact that he didn’t want to think about what he would do without the ability to replenish any of his powers. While he remained here he was able to absorb Cain’s energy the way he would have with hell’s energy. Cain’s energy did feel slightly different though. Crowley frowned as he tried once again to understand the difference. It seemed lighter than hell’s energy somehow. No, that wasn’t right. It was more… clean? Clean was closer but still not quite right. Pure. That was it. Cain’s energy was very much like hell’s except that it didn’t contain the same feeling of hatred that radiated throughout hell. Crowley supposed that was because Cain had been turned by Lucifer himself but maybe it was because he had sacrificed himself to save his brother.

Fuck him, Crowley thought as he stood and paced. I don’t need him. I can take care of myself. Flopping down into the nearest chair Crowley scowled. The only reason he was even here was because he hadn’t been able to take care of himself. When the group of demons had found him he’d been too tired and weak, not to mention too high, to defend himself. He had merely fled without a specific destination in mind. By all rights Cain _should_ have killed him when he’d arrived. Instead he had taken Crowley in and taken care of him. Crowley's scowl deepened at that thought. He hadn’t asked the demon knight for any assistance. There was no way he owed Cain anything for his help.

-

Crowley paced as he contemplated how he felt about the demon knight. After Cain had gone back to his bees Crowley been antsy. He continued cleaning for a while to burn off excess energy but it hadn’t worked. Afterwards he returned to his room to see if he could figure out what was different now. Somehow his feelings towards Cain had shifted in a way Crowley wasn’t sure he liked. He would like to think he was above feelings but sometimes they still hit hard. He stopped pacing when he realized the change in his feelings had started when Cain complimented his efforts in cleaning. When was the last time he had been given a compliment?

When he’d been human his mother hadn’t complimented him for anything. Certainly no demon would worry much over such things. Sure some of the people he had been with in bed had complimented him but most probably hadn’t meant them. If he were being honest he hadn’t usually been that considerate of those he chose to bed. Actually, if he were being truly honest he hadn’t been considerate of any of his partners. If he were to guess he’d say that Cain’s compliment was probably the first honest compliment he’d ever received. He stopped pacing and frowned as he tried to understand if this changed anything.


	4. Chapter 4

Careless. He should have felt the demon’s energy before it had the chance to sneak up on him. He wanted to excuse the slip away by telling himself no demon would be stupid enough to break into the house of a demon knight. That excuse was laughable at best. How many weeks had he spent stupidly sneaking onto the property just to bask in Cain’s energy? If anyone knew how stupid demons could be it was him. Rolling his eyes to keep from having to move he checked on the other demon again. The other demon hadn’t moved and still lie where Crowley had dropped him. So far so good.

The demon had jumped him at the base of the stairs just as he was headed back up to his room. The confined space worked more to Crowley’s advantage than the attacker’s. Especially after training with the demon knight Crowley was able to defend himself fairly well. The other was obviously not used to having to fight in tight quarters. If he hadn’t been off his game the fight might have gone more smoothly. As it was he was forced farther and farther upstairs. When they hit the upstairs hallway the other demon got in a lucky shot and Crowley went down. He managed to take the other demon down with him. 

They continued to fight denting and knocking holes in the wall. Finally they broke through one of the doors, splintering it. The other demon lost his grip on the demon knife he’d been wielding. The other demon jumped for the knife and Crowley used the last of his powers to call it to him. Just as Crowley stabbed him the other demon released one last bolt of energy hitting Crowley’s right side just at the bottom of his ribcage. Concentrating he tried to heal himself again but still no luck. While he could partially absorb the energy here it was still more difficult than recharging in hell. 

It seemed he had used everything he managed to absorb during the fight. Crowley shifted his gaze around the room trying to find something he could use but no luck. As he took in all the damage he realized it might not matter if he managed to heal himself. Cain might just put him out of his misery for destroying his property. Again. Instead of worrying him Crowley found this thought oddly funny. Probably due to the pain and blood loss he reasoned. Though the more blood he lost the less pain he felt so that much was good at least. Now if he could only find a way not to die before Cain returned to kill him that would be nice. 

Crowley scanned the area for anything he could use to stop the bleeding. He realized the door they’d destroyed had been the one to his room. If he could make it to the bed maybe he could use the quilt help slow the bleeding. As he rolled onto his side the world went fuzzy and he squinted. Reaching out his left arm he clawed at the floor struggling to get to the bed. The edges of his vision began to dim. _Not going to make it,_ he thought. Relaxing he finally gave up and lay where he was on the floor. If there was no way to fight this then he may as well accept it. At least finally he would be at peace.

-

Nothing looked out of the ordinary but Cain knew something was wrong the second he pulled into his driveway. By now he was highly aware of differences in the energy around the farm caused by Crowley’s extended presence. There was something different. Another demon was here. In his state it was doubtful that Crowley had summoned the demon though not impossible. If Crowley trusted the demon enough he might have summoned it to aid him in escaping. Another thought crossed his mind let out a low grow. Crowley might have summoned the demon to bring him blood. If that was the case then both of them were seriously going to regret it. Pulling up to the house he shut off the engine and got out of the truck.

-

“Ugh,” Crowley muttered. He had one hell of a headache and there was a vaguely familiar feeling thrumming through him. Groaning again Crowley tried to turn over but something held him in place. It took effort but he finally managed to open his eyes. For a moment all he could see was a pair of blue eyes staring back at him.

“Don’t move yet,” a voice said softly.

Finally Crowley recognized the other person. Which meant the familiar feeling humming throughout him would be Cain’s energy. He frowned at that thought. There was something slightly different about it this time. Crowley quirked an eyebrow up at the demon knight. The move caused him to wince slightly as a sharp pain seemed stab through his eye. Cain chuckled slightly as he nodded.

“It’ll still be a while before you can glare or scowl properly,” Cain told him.

“Feels different,” Crowley managed. Even talking was painful for now.

“I bet it does,” Cain said glancing down to Crowley’s chest. “First I need some information about what happened. I’m going to ask you a few questions and then you can go back to sleep, little one.”

“Not little, you’re just old,” Crowley grumbled.

Cain laughed. “That’s true enough I suppose.”

-

The second time Crowley woke it was much the same except his headache was almost completely gone. Cain seemed pleased at that information. Despite Crowley’s best objections Cain still forced him back to sleep. He didn’t understand how Cain managed it only that the more he fought against it the more the pain increased. Finally Crowley gave in and slept. This was the third time he’d been woken and he finally almost felt normal. He desperately didn’t want to go back to sleep again.

“I’d say that just about does it,” Cain told him.

“I suppose you’re going to put be back to sleep then,” Crowley muttered.

Cain shrugged. “Not unless I have to,” he said. “If you don’t over do it you should be fine.”

“Promise?” Crowley asked as he eyed Cain doubtfully. 

“If you don’t over exert yourself? Yes.”

“Excellent then,” Crowley stated shoving the quilt off his legs.

Cain’s hand pressed against his chest stopping him. “Not so fast Crowley. I got rid of the demon you killed and cleaned up most of the mess.”

“Most?” Crowley asked cautiously.

“Yep. Today you research, tomorrow you get started repairing the walls you two damaged. Manually.”

Crowley stared in shock.

“I don’t have any idea how to spackle a bloody wall,” Crowley argued.

“And you still need to rest a little more. That’s why today is for research,” Cain told him helpfully.

-

“Bollocks!” Crowley grouched loudly as more spackle decorated his clothing. Sighing heavily he realized Crowley should at least feel grateful that he wasn’t wearing his suit. Every now and then Cain would walk past for some reason or another and offer helpful comments causing Crowley to scowl every time. He’d been at this for more than five hours and had yet to complete one section. Every time he thought he was done Cain would point out some small detail or flaw that needed to be addressed. 

“Looks good,” Cain said from behind him.

Startled, Crowley jumped. “Bloody hell! Do you have to sneak up on me?” he snapped before finally processing the words. “Wait. Good?”

Cain shrugged. “You’ve been staring at it for hours. You tell me?”

Crowley turned back to the wall and actually inspected his work. Other than how the initial damage had looked he didn’t really have a frame of reference. He honestly hadn’t been paying attention to his progress. It did almost look like it had before the damage happened and it was fairly smooth. Huh, he thought. It really wasn’t that bad. Slowly, Crowley smiled.

-

The next morning Crowley woke to the sound of a knock on his door. Opening his eyes he stared blearily at the door. Frowning Crowley slipped the covers off and got out of bed. Crossing the room he opened the door and stared at Cain. The demon knight nodded once, turned and headed back down the hall. Crowley rolled his eyes and closed the door. The unspoken message was clear enough. Time to get up and start the day. Still it was the first time Cain had ever knocked. It was the reason Crowley always slept clothed.

Changing out of his sleep clothes he left the room. He smiled softly as passed the places he’d spent all yesterday repairing. It did look pretty good even if he had to say so himself. The smile widened when he realized he didn’t have to say so himself. The demon knight had also complimented his work. Still smiling slightly he entered the kitchen. Sitting down he picked up his fork and turned to face Cain. Cain nodded once and the two ate in silence. After they finished Crowley frowned and lifted his head to face Cain.

“Uh, I don’t know how long I was unconscious. Whose day is it for dishes?” Cain stared at him for several moments and Crowley shifted uncomfortably.

“Technically yours but I’ll get them if you want to go get changed,” Cain told him.

“Changed?” Crowley asked.

“Yes, changed. “You require more training.”

Crowley frowned at that. “I don’t have any more energy left. I wouldn’t be able to defend myself at all.”

“I know. Really little one, you need to learn to trust my judgement more. Just because I don’t tell you everything doesn’t mean I haven’t planned for every contingency.”

Crowley scowled but stood up and headed back for his room. He’d learned the hard way not to argue with the demon knight. Better just to agree. Eventually Cain would reveal what he had planned. Entering his room Crowley inspected the rest of his sparse wardrobe. The only other outfits he had left were his suit and his training clothing. Scowl deepening Crowley changed into the training outfit and left the room again. Making his way downstairs he entered the library and found Cain waiting for him.

“About time,” Cain stated.

Before Crowley could make a snarky remark the surroundings shifted. The second they arrived at their destination Crowley’s muscles instantly relaxed. A familiar feeling soaked into his being and he sighed happily. Crowley’s eyelids were almost completely closed when he realized what this feeling meant. His eyes shot open and and stared at Cain in shock.

“You brought us to hell?” Crowley hissed. “Are you _trying_ to get me killed?”

“You worry too much Crowley. With all the time and energy I’ve put into you do you think I would just let you get killed?”

“Do I think you’d kill a demon for no reason? Yes actually, I-”

“Shh,” Cain shushed him. 

Grabbing Crowley’s arm Cain pulled him back against a wall. Grimacing Crowley turned to glare at the demon knight. “What-”

“Hush,” Cain demanded staring down the hallway.

Crowley waited impatiently. When he was about to say something he heard it. Voices sound from somewhere down the hallway. Panicked Crowley turned to Cain. The old demon raised a hand to press a finger over his lips. Cain stared at him intently. When Crowley finally nodded Cain dropped his hand and turned to stare down the hallway. Two demon came around the corner and walked towards them. Crowley’s eyes shifted rapidly between the two demons to Cain and back to the demons. 

As the demons approached Crowley tensed. They should have already felt his presence by now but somehow they still seemed oblivious. As they approached Crowley felt Cain’s grip on his arm tighten. He had to work not to make a sound. Finally the demons passed. Crowley frowned as he watched them walk to the next intersection and turn left. He was so stunned that they’d walked passed Cain and he that he could only stare after them. He completely missed the moment Cain let go of his arm.

“Well?” Cain asked blandly.

Still shocked Crowley turned back to the demon knight and waited. Cain merely crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow. “What the bloody hell was that?” Crowley insisted. Cain gave him a look of annoyance. 

“I told you, I can keep myself from being noticed if I choose. I merely extended that little trick to cover you as well.”

“Could’ve told me,” Crowley grumbled. 

“I could have but where would be the fun in that?”

“Fun? What would you have done if I’d said something or made a noise?”

For a brief second there was something unreadable in Cain’s eyes. Finally Cain shrugged and leaned back against the wall. “They would have noticed you. In that case though I would still be hidden. You’d be on your own.”

Crowley frowned. There was something off about Cain’s body language. While Cain was leaning against the wall looking completely relaxed he still seemed tense. “You brought me down here against my wishes. You refused to tell me they wouldn’t be able to see me. Now you’re telling me you wouldn’t have stepped in I did something you could have prevented?”

Cain merely shrugged once again. 

-

“So are you better yet?”

“Better,” Crowley muttered angrily. “If you mean is my energy refilled then yes.”

“Good.” With a quick motion Cain grabbed Crowley’s shoulder firmly and the world shifted once more.

Scowling Crowley jerked his shoulder out of Cain’s grasp. “You didn’t have to bring me back you know? Now that I’ve recharged my energy I can take care of myself,” Crowley huffed.

“We don’t need you to be able to take care of yourself. We need you to be able to take back hell from a demon knight,” Cain retorted. 

“What do you care?” Crowley snapped. “You told me you would kill me if I came back and the next thing I know you’re…” Crowley waved a hand distractedly and paced. “The next thing I know you’re playing caretaker. If you’d killed me I would never have been able to take back hell so why are you all keen on putting me back on the throne now?”

“Watch your tone,” Cain growled.

“Or what? You’ll kill me? If you’re going to kill me then kill me otherwise-” Crowley was cut off as a searing pain shot through him. He hit the ground and groaned as he wrapped his arms around himself. Blinking he realized he was laying on carpet. Something about that was wrong. Groaning again he rocked as he tried to somehow make the pain more bearable.

-

Three days later Crowley was about to go stir crazy. There was literally nothing besides the furniture in his room. He had never been particularly good at sitting still. Currently he was laying on the bed glaring at the ceiling. Murderous thoughts ran through his head. At this point he would almost welcome another trip to hell if only for the possibility of actually getting to do _something_. Even though he didn’t need to sleep he had last night just to pass time. It was infuriating to sit here and do _nothing_. And no, he wasn’t pouting.

With another huff Crowley turned and flipped onto his stomach. Spreading out his arms he let the left one fall over the side of the bed. He didn’t even know what it was that made him snap that day. Crowley sighed. Yes he did. He had felt stifled, suffocated. There was something more there as well but he couldn’t put his finger on it so he ignored it. He had already been angry when Cain had taken him to hell without warning. It only increased when Cain told him they were undetectable only after the pair of demons had passed. By the time they returned to the farmhouse Crowley had been pissed. 

It wasn’t until the second day of being trapped in his room that he realized something that actually surprised him. Yes he’d argued he could take care of himself. And yes he’d argued that Cain shouldn’t have brought him back. But the second day of being locked in his room he finally realized he hadn’t wanted to leave. He spent the rest of that day and today alternating between wondering why he wouldn’t want to leave and being annoyed. When there was a knock on his door Crowley jumped at the sound. Scowling Crowley tried to calm his anger. Cain had proven several times over that he had no issues leaving him locked in an empty room if he didn’t like Crowley’s attitude. Finally he made his way to the door and opened. “Yes?”

“Learn to control your temper yet?” Cain asked.

Crowley sighed. “In all honesty probably not. That’s just not who I am. In my defense I did go quite a while before losing my temper this time.”

“So you did,” Cain acknowledged. “All right, when you’re ready come downstairs. We need to get back into training.”

“Why?”

“Because no matter what happens it’s always good to know how to defend yourself. Not to mention, if another demon shows up you need to know to keep from making as much of a mess as you did last time.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” Crowley argued, smirking slightly as he followed Cain out of the room and down the hall.

-

It had been two weeks and even though Cain always ended up besting him Crowley knew he was getting better. He had a brief thought about how combining powers with physical fighting was kind of like the demonic version of mixed martial arts and sniggered.

“Something funny?” Cain asked leaning over to look down at him.

Without a word Crowley blinked behind the demon knight and struck out with blast of energy. When Cain staggered forward Crowley felt slightly proud of himself. For a second. Cain blinked just in front of him. With a quick blast of energy to Crowley’s chest followed by a leg sweep Crowley went down again.

“I still get credit for that,” Crowley insisted, twisting his neck to look back to Cain.

“Partial,” Cain disagreed.

“I caught you fully unaware,” Crowley argued.

“I didn’t go down though. Besides, how often do you see yourself using giggling as an effective fighting strategy?”

“Wasn’t giggling,” Crowley sulked.

“I think we’re about done for today.”

Crowley eyed Cain suspiciously. “Are you being serious or just trying to catch me off guard?” he asked cautiously.

“Being serious,” Cain assured him as he reached an arm down.

“You’ll pardon me if I’m a bit skeptical while we’re still in this room. Want to blink us out of here first?” Instantly Crowley found himself lying on the floorboards of the living room. Finally he allowed himself to relax. Rolling over Crowley shoved himself off the floor and stood. “Tea?”

-

Crowley lay awake in his bed staring up into the darkness at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure how or when it happened but he was relaxed and happy for the first time in a long time. He had given up on feeling to good ever again. It was a wonder to him. Instead of trying to decide how it happened he let himself revel in how wonderful it felt. Warm, happy, and safe Crowley snuggled under the quilt and let himself drift off to sleep.

-

Weeks passed and Crowley’s happiness only grew. Strangely enough that only served to make him uncomfortable. Crowley’s training actually went backward because he didn’t even want to touch the demon knight. Cain, however, didn’t seem to have any such reservations. Over and over Crowley was knocked down or slammed into a wall. It was rapidly getting tiring not to mention painful. 

“Are you even trying anymore?” Cain asked. 

Without a word Crowley shoved himself off the wall and turned back to Cain. Bracing himself he dropped into the default defensive stance and waited. Cain made no move to attack, he merely stood staring at him strangely. Crowley continued to wait.

“Talk to me Crowley.”

Though the words were quiet Crowley could still feel the demand resonating in them and bristled. “‘Training is for training. Everything else can wait.’,” Crowley quoted completely irked at the turn this was taking. He really didn’t want to discuss what was bothering him. 

“Crowley,” Cain growled.

“It’s your rule, not mine,” Crowley argued. A split second later Crowley found them both in the living room. Crowley scowled and crossed his arms. “Not fair,” he grumbled. “Training wasn’t over, you ported us back early.”

“Training is over when I say it is,” Cain asserted.

Crowley refused to speak and Cain stalked closer. Crowley began breathing heavier at the sheer closeness of the proximity. _So close,_ his mind whispered. _Almost close enough._ That thought gave him pause. Close enough for what? 

“Crowley,” Cain said quietly. “What are you thinking about?”

“I don’t know,” Crowley answered.

“What are you feeling?”

“I don’t know that either,” Crowley told him honestly. The demon knight leaned down until they were almost nose to nose and waited there. Crowley’s breathing sped up again. Slowly Crowley leaned forward until their lips met. His eyes slid closed at they kissed. _Yes, this,_ his mind rejoiced. _This is what we need._ Suddenly hands gripped tightly onto Crowley’s upper arms and tightened almost painfully. Crowley drew back breaking the kiss.

“Not so tight,” Crowley huffed.

“If we’re going to do this it’s going to be my way or not at all,” Cain growled.

Crowley balked at that. “I don’t bottom. Ever,” he asserted.

“You do if you want to be with me,” Cain insisted, voice still quiet but also sharp and dangerous. 

Shivering slightly Crowley took a step backward. Surprisingly Cain’s hands fell away and the demon knight allowed him to move back. Crowley eyed him suspiciously. He couldn’t deny he did feel a pull to bed Cain but he hadn’t bottomed in his entire life. Inspecting the demon knight Crowley wondered if he could talk Cain into bottoming instead. As if in response Cain cocked an eyebrow and continued waiting for a response.

“No,” Crowley repeated. 

Cocking his head slightly Cain watching for several more seconds before giving a brisk nod. 

-

In the days that passed nothing much changed. They ate breakfast, trained, read, and cleaned. Or Crowley cleaned at least, Cain tended to his bees. Every now and then Crowley still got cravings for human blood but they were rare and much easier to ignore. What wasn’t as easy to ignore was his feelings for Cain. He didn’t know what to do with his feelings. It had been a long time since he’d last felt anything close to this.

As Cain either slept nights or pretended to sleep nights there was little else for Crowley to do but ponder the implications of what he was feeling. Scowling he turned onto his side. He tried desperately to stomp out the feelings or at least ignore them. Despite his best efforts he couldn’t fully suppress them. Crowley growled at that. The absolute last thing he needed was ‘feelings’, especially when they were directed towards someone like Cain. He somehow doubted Cain would ever change his mind about topping.

He hadn’t been one hundred percent honest. He had bottomed briefly when he’d become a demon. He figured Cain would know that though or at least understand. It was precisely why he didn’t want to do so ever again. While he had been with men before he’d been to hell that was still the first time he had bottomed. He wasn’t sure if he could go through that again. No matter how long he existed he would never understand why people would choose to do that. Yes, part of why it was so unpleasant had to be because the others had been demons but Crowley couldn’t foresee a situation it could ever be pleasant. Besides, Cain was also a demon, wasn’t he?

-

Almost a week after the kiss Crowley couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the demon knight. He couldn’t help wondering what it would be like laying next to him or just running his hand over Cain’s chest. Maybe Cain wouldn’t mind if they kissed again. It was slightly depressing to realize most of his days were now filled with daydreams of the other demon. Rolling his eyes Crowley sighed. He knew better. Cain was one of those all or nothing types. There was no way he would accept half measures in anything let alone this.

Crowley did his best to ignore his feelings towards the other when they trained. It helped but it was only a temporary fix. Sooner or later something was going to have to give. Maybe he should just focus on retaking hell. The sooner he could get rid of Abaddon the sooner he could leave and, maybe, just maybe that was for the best. Still, laying in bed alone at night he couldn’t stop thoughts of Cain ruling beside him.

-

With emotions came nightmares. He realized he shouldn’t be surprised at this. Any time he focused too much on his past the nightmares always returned. Crowley resolved not to sleep again until he could rid himself of these emotions. It’s not like he really needed sleep. Sadly that left him with several hours with nothing but thoughts of Cain to fill his time. With a scowl Crowley shoved the covers off and got out of bed. 

There wasn’t much to do this early so he started cleaning his already clean room. Until he was required to he didn’t generally leave his room. No sense in taking a chance he would run into the demon knight. Given half a choice Crowley would choose not spending any more time around Cain until he could get himself under control. He would have to go down for breakfast soon enough. It had been a long time since he’d felt anything close to this for another and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. If Cain wasn’t so dominant Crowley wouldn’t be having this issue. He would have already acted on his feelings.

The problem was Cain wasn’t the type to let anyone else take charge of anything let alone sex. Crowley’s experiences had left him unable to let anyone else have control over him. That left them at an impasse. He wished things were different. Vaguely he wondered if he would be able to let himself submit if he hadn’t gone through the things he’d been forced to endure to become a demon. Probably not, he decided. He’d never been the most submissive type person under the best of times. With heavy sigh Crowley made the bed. Smoothing the wrinkles out of the quilt he inspect the bed before moving on to other things. When he had spent as long as he dared to cleaning he knew he was going to have to go down for breakfast. 

Descending the stairs he made his way to the kitchen and stopped in the doorway. Quietly he watched as Cain finished cooking. Though the demon knight didn’t turn around Crowley wasn’t deceived. Cain would already know he was here. When Cain finished cooking the eggs he turned and scraped them onto the two plates. Putting the pan in the sink he grabbed his own plate and sat down at the table waiting. Crowley took his cue and snagged his own plate before sitting at the table with Cain.

-

Things continued on as if the kiss had never happened. Crowley wasn’t sure if he was happy about this or not. In many ways Cain not even acknowledging that anything had passed between them was infuriating. Then Crowley would remember the conversation they’d shared after the kiss and shiver. If they’d been in hell Cain wouldn’t have hesitated to take him. In hell any demon would never have hesitated to strike at the first opportunity. That thought actually caused him to pause slightly. Cain had no reason to wait. There was nothing Crowley could do to stop the demon knight from taking him. And yet, Cain hadn’t pressed.

“If you truly want me then why are you waiting?” Crowley suddenly demanded.

Slowly Cain finished chewing his food and set his fork down. “Are you saying you’re ready to be with me now?” 

Crowley scowled. “You know I’m not.”

“Then what is it you really want to know Crowley?”

“In hell any demon that wanted something wouldn’t hesitate to take it if he could. You have more than enough power to take me if that’s what you wanted.”

“True enough,” Cain said. “So what does that tell you?”

Crowley thought about that. “You don’t really want me?”

“Crowley,” Cain huffed, crossing his arms.

Pressing his lips together Crowley pondered the implications yet again. “For whatever reasons you’ve decided it was better to wait?”

“True enough. Now, why do you suppose I would want to wait?”

“Not a clue,” Crowley exclaimed sudden exasperated. “I know you think it’s obvious but I haven’t a clue why you would want to wait. I mean, if you really want me why wouldn’t you just take me?”

“Despite what you think you do know the answer to that question. Until you can figure it out nothing’s going to happen.” Cain shoved his chair away from the table. “I’m going into town today. Need anything?”

“Books?” Crowley asked without any real hope.

Cain cocked his head slightly. “There are plenty of books here.”

“Yeah but… never mind.”

“But you want a specific book?” Cain guessed.

“Or author,” Crowley agreed.

“Alright,” Cain relented. “Make a list, I’ll see what I can do.”

-

Crowley sat in the living room with his arms crossed glaring straight ahead. In spite of what Cain said he didn’t believe for one second the demon knight would go out of his way to do something nice for him. Why would he? His eyes landed on the top of the coffee table and his scowl deepened. Rings from where cups had been set on it littered the top of the table. With a sigh Crowley stood and went to the kitchen. Snagging a cleaning cloth he wetted it and went back to the living room.

-

He had cleaned the table, run the manual vacuum over the carpet, and dusted everything and still Cain hadn’t returned. Rolling his eyes Crowley inspected the house trying to find something else to occupy his time. Unbidden his thoughts drifted to the Cain. Despite his best efforts he couldn’t keep himself from thinking about the demon knight or their kiss. He had never felt a pull to be with anyone like he did with Cain. What the fuck was wrong with him? It was almost as if… Crowley froze. No. Just no, he thought.

He had heard about this but there was no way… He couldn’t… Of all the possible people, or demons for that matter, for him to bond with how could it possibly be Cain? He dropped into the nearest chair as the realization hit. Bonded. To Cain. In an odd way it made sense. Cain had taken him in and taken care of him. But for them to have bonded that would mean Crowley already had to have feelings for him. His head dropped when he realized he had cared about the demon knight for quite a while now. He couldn’t pinpoint just when the feelings started but they were there. Suddenly everything made sense. 

His head jerked up when he realized something else. No two bonds were created equal, they were all different. As most demons were naturally selfish creatures their bonds reflected their nature. From what he’d seen of bonds he had never wanted any part of them. But then, if Cain was bonded to him as well why hadn’t the demon knight taken advantage of it?


	5. Chapter 5

Cain finally returned two hours later. Crowley was still sitting in the same chair with his arms crossed and sulking. When Cain called for him Crowley could actually feel the pull and finally realized it for what it was. For a long time now he had assumed it was just the demon knight's inherent energy. He knew better now. It was the bond between them insisting on doing whatever it was their mate asked. With a depressed sigh he stood and trudged into the kitchen to see what Cain wanted. 

“Yes?” he asked sulkily.

Cain frowned. “Something wrong?”

“You tell me,” Crowley snapped.

“Tone Crowley.”

“Why don’t you just order me to change it? I’d have to obey you wouldn’t I?”

“Ah,” was all Cain said as he turned back to unpacking the bags.

Crowley frowned at that. “Ah what?” he demanded.

“You’ve found out about the bond,” Cain said as he continued to unpack.

“Yet one more thing you didn’t think was worth telling me I suppose.”

“I figured you’d realize it eventually.” 

Cain moved to put things in the fridge and Crowley followed him. “So you were just waiting for me to figure out we were already bonded and realize the hopelessness of my situation before you ordered me into your bed?”

“Nope,” Cain told him, still putting groceries away and without looking over to Crowley.

“Then why are you waiting?”

Finally Cain stopped moving and turned to face him. “I was waiting for you to be ready. I have all the time in the world Crowley. There’s no need to push for anything before you’re ready to give it.” 

“And if I’m never ready?”

Cain shrugged. “I’ve never taken another by force, I’m not about to start now.”

“So you’re what, waiting for me to throw myself at your feet?” 

Cain watched him silently for a while before moving to the table. As Cain sat he nodded at another chair and continued to wait. Crowley debated it for a moment before finally moving to sit in the chair across from Cain.

“If what you want to know is whether or not I want you in my bed the answer is yes,” Cain stated bluntly. “If what you’re asking is whether or not I’ll take you by force the answer is no. I’m a patient person. I can wait until you’re ready.”

“I will never be ready to bottom. Ever,” Crowley insisted.

Cain stared at him thoughtfully while drumming his fingers on the table. “I assume you’ve seen others who’ve been bonded,” Cain finally said.

Crowley merely glared and refused to respond. 

“Have you ever seen a bond that _wasn’t_ forced onto the other party?”

“What do you mean?” Crowley asked cautiously.

“The bond occurs naturally. As with most things demons corrupt it and twist it to their own designs. It’s rare for a bond to occur naturally with demons but it does happen. Look at us. I didn’t press for this and I doubt you did either.”

“Gods no,” Crowley agreed with a shiver. Given any kind of a choice in the matter he would never have chosen to bond with anyone. He couldn’t stand for someone to have power over him and he had never cared enough to want that kind of responsibility.

“I suggest you spend some time thinking about it and see if you can’t see a difference.”

“Bonding is bonding,” Crowley asserted, crossing his arms and leaning back. “It all amounts to the same. You can do as you please and order me to comply.”

“Which you no doubt expect because I’ve already ordered you to do other things.” Cain put his forearms on the table and leaned forward. “Tell me something Crowley. When I returned you were already sure I knew about the bond.”

“You did, you confirmed it.”

Cain nodded. “I did. I’ve known about it for several weeks now. So, if I wanted you I only must command it to make it so yes?”

“Yes,” Crowley replied slowly.

“And yet I didn’t. What does that tell you Crowley?”

“You’re trying to trick me into trusting you?”

Cain sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. “As you believe then. Take the bags and go to your room,” he answered, indicating the two bags still left on the table as he started to stand.

“What?”

“Take the bags and go.”

“What’s in the bags?”

Cain didn’t stop. He merely continued to stand and walked out of the kitchen without another word. Frowning Crowley stood and walked around the table. Leaning forward he looked down into the bags. Both were filled with books. Stunned Crowley pulled one of the books out and inspected it. It was one of the books he’d written on the list. Cain had actually gotten the books Crowley had wanted. More actually by the look of things. Crowley frowned at that. There was no reason for the demon knight to even care about his paltry wants.

-

Still following through with his vow not to sleep until he could better control his dreams, or nightmares really, Crowley spent the entire night reading. He was still reading hours later when the sun came through the window illuminating the room. By the time the sun was shining in his window Crowley scowled at the door. Surprisingly Cain hadn’t shown to order him down to breakfast. Crowley pondered the implications. 

Frowning Crowley climbed out of bed and opened the bedroom door. No Cain and no line of salt keeping him prisoner. Crowley stepped out of his room and went in search of the demon knight. He had checked the entire house before he tried to feel for the energy. It wasn’t until he checked for Cain’s energy that he realized the demon knight wasn’t even in the house. That thought gave him pause. If the demon knight wasn’t here then where was he?

-

It was two days before Cain returned. Crossing his arms Crowley tapped his foot as he waited for the demon knight to enter the house. He waited just long enough for Cain to shut the door before pouncing. “I won’t be your slave.”

There was several seconds of silence where Cain didn’t move. Finally he straightened but didn’t turn to face him. “Okay. So who said you had to be a slave?”

“I… You… Whatever. I’m still not going to be anyone’s slave.”

Finally Cain turned and Crowley had a hard time not flinching at the look he saw in those eyes. It wasn’t anger, far from it actually. The only emotion Crowley could sense in those eyes was hurt. Crowley’s indignation at being bonded momentarily faltered. 

“I’m done Crowley,” Cain stated tiredly. 

“Um, done with what exactly?”

“This.” Cain lifted a hand and gestured vaguely. “I can’t fight you anymore. If you want to leave then go. I won’t stop you.”

“You’re only saying that because you know I can’t break the bond.”

“I can’t help that we’re bonded but I won’t follow you. It’s the best I can do, Crowley.”

“Why now?”

“Because I can’t fight you on this any longer. You’re never going to trust me and can’t help getting angry when you all but accuse me of wanting to rape you. Just go, Crowley.” 

Without another word Cain walked past and headed up the stairs. Crowley stared in stunned silence. Cain was letting him go? This went against everything he knew about bonded couples. No bonded demon would ever order their mate away. Suddenly the shock wore off and Crowley raced up the stairs. He headed straight for the only room upstairs he’d never been inside and pounded on the door. When the door didn’t open he pounded on it again.

“I know you’re in there, I can feel your energy,” he called. When there was no response he growled and tried the doorknob without any real hope. As expected the door didn’t open and he resigned himself to banging on it once again. “Open up Cain. If you’re serious about wanting me to trust you the least you can do is talk to me face to face!” Cain, however, didn’t open the door. Crowley growled in frustration. “Open the fucking door now!” he demanded. The surroundings changed and Crowley squinted at his new surroundings.

Oh fuck no, Cain wasn’t randomly blinking him out of their house. After spending so long here Crowley had come to think of this place as his as well. He stormed up the walkway and started to step onto the porch when he was ran into a wall of force. Crowley growled in frustration when he was unable to even so much as put a foot on the porch. What the hell was he supposed to do now? If he couldn’t get back into the house then there wasn’t that much he could do. He was going to have to find somewhere else to go.

-

Out of sheer spite, and he wasn’t too proud to admit it was just that, Crowley set up temporary residence in Cain’s barn. There was no way the demon knight didn’t realize Crowley was staying there but he did nothing about it. Crowley didn’t know what to make of that. If Cain was going to let him stay on the property he could at least let him back in the house. But then, did he really want to be that close to Cain right now? Fuck he was confused.

As angry and nervous as Cain made him Crowley was loathed to leave the immediate vicinity. He studiously refused to ponder the reasons why he would want to stay. There was no way he _needed_ Cain. He didn’t need anyone except himself. From his makeshift base of operations he could come and go as he pleased. Much better than being trapped in a house against his will. This was definately better he tried to tell himself. Still, there were times when he found himself wondering what Cain was doing at that moment. He needed to get his head back on straight again. He wasn’t a lovesick fool with nothing better to do then pine over someone who had thrown him away.

For a while he briefly entertained the notion of finding blood and shooting up just to spite the demon knight. He knew he wouldn’t though. After all the trouble he had getting clean he wouldn’t willingly put himself in that position again. Crowley had to figure out what he was going to do now. He hadn’t expect for Cain to suddenly thrust him out of the house and ban him. He was a planner and he hadn’t had enough time to come up with a good plan to take back hell. 

He frowned at that. There had been enough time he just hadn’t spent it planning. Instead he’d been too busy… Doing what, he thought. In the beginning he had been too busy dealing with the withdrawals. After that there really hadn’t been any excuse. He had allowed himself to get too caught up in other things. Sighing heavily he hung his head. If he were being honest with himself he had gotten too caught up in Cain to worry about hell at the time. Cain didn’t matter he told himself. Abaddon was what mattered. He was going to need intel.

-

With the intentions of gathering intel he decided to find a few of the demons that would more than likely still be loyal to him. He was determined to take back hell without the demon knight’s help. After all, Crowley had already been plotting to get rid of the ginger bitch that had stolen his throne before he’d ever hooked up with Cain. Crowley winced at that phrase. He hadn’t ‘hooked up’ with anyone least of all that infuriating demon knight. Scowling he shoved thoughts of Cain out of his mind as he tried to concentrate.

-  
Two Weeks Later  
-

It had taken a while but he finally found where Bella was staying. He wanted to take comfort in the fact that she wasn’t primarily staying in hell any longer but it wouldn’t be wise to assume things. He would still have to be cautious. The basic energy surrounding the place felt slightly off but there was another demon also staying here. That was probably the cause he decided. Crowley wasn’t sure what to make of the other demon. At the moment the other demon wasn’t here but there was no telling how long he would be gone. If he was seriously considering this he was going to have to move fast.

Crowley blinked into the house and was surprised at how… ‘domestic’ it looked. In spite of his initial shock he had to admit it did look very ‘Bella’. Most people, or demons, tended to make inaccurate judgements about her. Most of them couldn’t see past the facade she chose to present. Crowley didn’t make that mistake. He recognized it for what it was, a front. Why she chose to hide behind it he didn’t know but he wasn’t fooled by it. Besides, didn’t everyone have certain things about themselves they’d rather not share? Checking for her energy signature he started to make his way there when he realized he couldn’t move. Too late he realized the familiar feeling of magic binding him in place.

“Stupid,” Crowley muttered. 

He had had been the one to teach her this spell. How could he forget that? He was definitely still off his game. First trapped by a demon knight and now his own pupil. Did he really even deserve to rule hell anymore?

“I was wondering if you’d ever show.”

Crowley’s head jerked up at the sound of Bella’s voice and found her standing in a nearby doorway with her arms crossed. “Bella,” Crowley greeted cautiously. "You were waiting for me?"

"When you dropped off the radar I figured you show up eventually. You never heard of knocking?”

“I was unsure if my presence would be welcomed,” Crowley answered carefully trying to analyze her body language.

“Uh huh,” she replied noncommittally.

“So, how’s hell?” he asked trying to sound casual.

“You, disappear for months, allow Abaddon free rein of hell, break into my house smelling of demon knight, and expect me to think you don’t know anything about how things are in hell?”

Crowley winced. “It’s not like that.”

“Oh really? If you haven’t been to hell recently then how’d the scent of demon knight get all over you?”

Crowley dropped his head and shook it. “It wasn’t her,” he whispered.

“Cut the crap Crowley,” Bella snapped “She’s the only one left.”

He shook his head again. “There is one other. Cain still lives.”

“You really think I’m stupid enough to believe you mated with the Father of Murder?”

The growl in her voice not to mention her deduction shocked him. Raising his head he stared at her in confusion. For the moment he was struck speechless.

“Not to mention he hasn’t even been heard from in more than two hundred years.”

“Still, he’s alive,” Crowley stated quietly.

Bella opened her mouth to say something else but stopped short and turned. Crowley felt it as well. The other demon whose presence Crowley felt was approaching. Scowling, Bella stalked to the door and waited. Crowley frowned at the change in her attitude. Her posture had changed as well. Suddenly she seemed more defensive than she’d been previously. When the door opened the other demon entered slowly. Staring at Crowley for several seconds he finally turned to Bella and waited. 

Crowley frowned at the demon’s actions. He seemed to be waiting for something but what Crowley couldn’t tell. As far as Crowley could tell the other demon was actually more powerful than Bella. Generally the more powerful demon would assume command of any given situation. That this demon would defer to Bella was odd. Turning back to him Bella took a step forward thus placing herself between Crowley and the new arrival. The other demon silently lifted a hand and placed it lightly on Bella’s back. Wary, Crowley tensed. Something was going on here and until he knew more it was better to wait.

“You were saying Crowley?” Bella finally prompted.

“Despite what we all thought, or hoped, Cain is still alive,” Crowley insisted. The demon behind Bella seemed to stiffen slightly at that name. Interesting, Crowley mused. Still, not particularly useful at the moment.

“What proof do you have of this?” Bella demanded.

“The energy you feel within me? Take a closer look, it’s not Abaddon’s.”

“No,” the other demon instantly disagreed.

“Hush,” Bella ordered. 

To Crowley’s surprise the demon actually remained silent and didn’t offer any further arguments. There was something strange going on here. Bella strode forward without another word and stood just in front of Crowley. Reaching out a hand she raised it and held it a few inches from Crowley’s chest. Crowley held his breath and waited. Finally Bella took a step backward and eyed him cautiously.

“Well?” Crowley asked in what he hoped sounded like an impatient tone.

“I’ll give you that it doesn’t feel like Abaddon’s energy,” she said slowly. “Still, Cain?”

“If you’d ever felt his energy you wouldn’t question it. Yes, Cain. He’s still alive and somehow we ended up bonded.”

“Somehow?” Bella asked skeptically.

“He claims he didn’t do anything to initiate the bond. Honestly? I believe him. I know I didn’t instigate this.”

“Interesting,” Bella murmured tapping a finger to her lip. “Perhaps there are some things we need to discuss.”

-

Still stuck in the spell Crowley was forced to relate his story standing. It had taken quite a while to relate the majority of it. Throughout the story the other demon kept casting surreptitious looks at Bella. If he wasn’t in a rush to get finished with the story Crowley might have questioned it. As it was he just wanted to get through everything so Bella would break the spell. When he was finished Bella merely stared at him in silence.

“Well?” Crowley huffed when he was unable to stand the silence any longer.

“Well,” Bella began slowly. “You’re obviously bonded to someone. By the feeling of the energy I would have said Abaddon but you’re right. It doesn’t feel like her energy. Still, what you’re asking me to believe is that Cain, the first demon knight ever created, managed to stay hidden for more than two hundred years tending bees of all things and just happened to ‘accidentally’ bond with you.”

“I don’t know how the bond happened it just did, but yes, Cain still lives,” Crowley grumped unhappily. When Bella remained silent Crowley let out a loud huff. “Well?”

“Want a cup of tea?” Bella asked abruptly.

Crowley stared at her in mute confusion.

-

The cup of tea sat in untouched in front of Crowley. It had long since grown cold as Crowley listened to Bella. At some point in the story Daniel, Bella’s mate, had slipped his arm around her shoulders. Now with the the tale finished Crowley’s eyes shifted back and forth between the two of them. He wasn’t sure what to make of this new information.

“So, basically even though he has more innate power you’re the more dominant one in the relationship?” Crowley asked.

“Power doesn’t necessarily equal dominance Crowley,” Bella stated. 

“But he’s still the submissive in the relationship?” Crowley pressed.

Bella’s mouth quirked slightly as she seemed to be considering that remark. “Yes and no,” she answered. “It’s not quite that simple. You’re trying to equate dominant and submissive with who holds the power in the relationship. It doesn’t work that way. The more submissive party holds just as much ‘power’ if not more sometimes.”

“That makes no sense.”

Pressing her lips together Bella was silent as she seemed to contemplate it.

“In a non forced bond the dominant is usually overly protective of their submissive,” Daniel said quietly. “Both parties choose to be in the relationship. In a forced bonding one of the parties didn’t have a choice in the matter. The roles within the two bonds aren’t comparable. In a natural bond though I’d say both parties have equal power. It’s more of a give and take.”

“But she could order you to do something you’re adamantly against,” Crowley asserted.

“She could,” Daniel acknowledged. “But she wouldn’t.”

“But how do you know?” Crowley asked leaning forward slightly.

Daniel smiled slightly. “Because I know. That's one of the major differences between forced and natural bonds. If it's a natural bond you can trust the other implicitly never to hurt you on purpose. Doing something like that would never even cross their mind.”

“It's the same reason I trust him even though he technically has more power. I never have to worry about him using it against me. If all you’ve seen is forced bonds then you’re to be forgiven for the misconception. As Daniel said, they're not comparable. Crowley, if this truly is a natural bond between you two then you have nothing to fear. Didn’t you even wonder why he would just let you go?”

As much as he wanted to deny it he couldn’t. He might not get another chance to speak so openly about this with someone else in a similar situation. “Yes,” he admitted.

“Dominants are innately drawn to care for their submissives. If I had to venture a guess I’d say that you expressed a strong resistance to either the bond or him. If it were anything else he would have fought to keep you there. Can I make a suggestion?”

Crowley nodded for her to continue.

“Talk to him.”

“Talk,” Crowley repeated flatly.

“Yes, talk. All he wants is to protect you, to provide for you. You need to tell him what you feel and how he can make this more comfortable for you. Bonds cannot be broken, no matter what happens from here on out, you two are bonded. Tell him what you need. I promise you it’ll help.”

Crowley wasn’t so sure about that.

-

Staring at the house Crowley wasn’t sure why he was here. They’d talked for several hours before he left. He’d learned a lot about what was happening in hell and a few things he hadn’t know about bonding. Crowley had made tentative plans concerning hell but the timing for them was still up in the air. He wanted to know how he was going to handle things between him and Cain before committing to anything. _Talk to him,_ Bella had said. Well since he was already here he might as well go through with this.

Making his way to the porch he carefully raised a foot and gently tested the air. The wall of force surrounding the house was gone. Crowley wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Did it mean Cain was no longer angry at him or that he hadn’t expected Crowley to return? He wasn’t going to get any answers just standing around out here. Straightening and with grim determination he walked onto the porch and to the door. Hesitating for only a moment he raised a hand and knocked. The demon knight didn’t answer. In all honesty Crowley hadn’t actually expected it. Sighing Crowley opened the door and entered the house. 

When he closed the door he stood in the hallway and took in the familiar sights. It was as if nothing had changed. Though he could feel Cain was on the second floor Crowley inspected living room. Slowly walking through the room he lightly ran his hand over various things. He hadn’t realized how much he missed sitting in his chair quietly reading. His eyes skimmed over the bookshelves, the am only radio, and stopped when they finally settled on the chair where Cain always sat. Turning he headed for the stairs.

Step by step he ascended the stairs. Slowly he walked down the hall to what had been his room. Stopping he put a hand on the door and slid his eyes shut. There was a lot from his early days here he didn’t remember. In the days that followed he could remember Cain taking care of him. Forcing him to eat. Worrying about if he was trained enough. Watching over him when he was sick. Crowley let his hand fall back down to his side. He had postponed long enough. It was time. Slowly he made his way to Cain’s room. Lifting his hand he softly knocked twice and waited. He was just about to leave when Cain spoke.

_“Yes?”_

“I’d like to talk. If you don’t want to that’s fine, I’ll go. I just…” Trailing off Crowley attempted to figure out how to say what he wanted. Before he could find the right words the door cracked open. Crowley lifted his eyes and met Cain’s.

“Talk?” Cain asked.

Crowley nodded. “I’m sorry I was… Well, I’m sorry about how I left.”

Cain merely cocked an eyebrow but didn’t reply.

The look only served to further sadden Crowley. He knew Cain was only being cautious for his benefit. It was completely out of character for the demon knight. Crowley dropped his eyes back to the ground. “I was scared,” Crowley whispered.

“Scared?”

Unable to speak Crowley nodded.

“I already lost someone I loved once. I don’t want to lose you too,” Cain told him

The shock he felt ebbed away. “I don’t know what to think about everything. You did just kind of spring it on me.”

“At the time it was a shock to me too.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Crowley asked genuinely curious.

“You weren’t ready for it.” Cain answered quietly.

Crowley snorted. “Who is ever ready for something like this?”

“What is it you want Crowley?” Cain asked wearily.

“I don’t know,” Crowley admitted.

“I meant it Crowley, I can’t take not knowing. Either we do this or we don’t. If you decide you can’t deal with the bond I can’t be near you.”

“I don’t know if I can, I mean it’s asking a lot. I’ve never willingly let anyone have that much control over me. In the few experiences I’ve ever had not being the top during sex…”

“What happened before doesn't have any bearings on what we can become, Crowley,” Cain said sharply.

Wrapping his arms around himself Crowley shook his head. How did he explain how much just the thought of this terrified him? He doubted he would ever be ready to willingly give up that much of his independance. He was so confused. There was a pull to just give in and accept the bond but that thought also terrified him. Suddenly arms wrapped around him and Crowley leaned into the embrace.

“I’m scared,” Crowley said quietly.

“I know. But you have to remember we have time to figure this out if you’re willing to try,” Cain answered.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Come home Crowley.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“We’ll go as slow as you need to Crowley, okay?”

I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” Crowley murmured over and over.

“Sh Crowley, I’ve got you. We can figure everything out later. For now just come home Crowley.”

”I’m not sure if I can accept the bonding,” Crowley admitted dejectedly.

“Then stay the night. You’re already here. If you still want to leave tomorrow then I won’t stop you but stay for tonight.”

Too worn out to argue Crowley nodded. Wrapping an arm around Crowley’s shoulders Cain led him back down the hallway to his old room. Opening the door Cain led him to the bed and pulled the covers down. Numbly Crowley climbed into the bed and curled into a ball. Covering Crowley Cain straightened and watched him for several seconds. As Cain started to leave Crowley reached out and grabbed his hand. Cain stopped moving instantly but didn’t turn.

“Stay?” Crowley asked quietly.

“Crowley,” Cain stated warningly.

“Not… Not for that. I just want you near right now. I don’t think I’m ready for anything more just yet but I really don’t want to be alone either. Please?”

Still not turning Cain hesitated. 

“Never mind,” Crowley muttered.

“I can’t stay in the same bed if you’re just going to leave tomorrow.”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I only know I don’t want to be alone tonight,” Crowley told him.

“All right Crowley,” Cain consented.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want.”

With an unhappy laugh Cain finally turned around. “That’s the problem, Crowley. I want to stay too much but I don’t want you to feel pressured.” 

“I won’t,” Crowley assured him.

“All right Crowley,” Cain finally agreed. 

Moving the chair closer to the bed he sat down and reached out to put a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. “Sleep. I’ll be here.”

Nodding Crowley closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Crowley shifted slightly as his mind started to come online. For the first time in ages he felt relaxed when he woke. Usually his brain started instantly clicking through the things that needed to be done. It felt amazing to wake up slowly feeling relaxed and not instantly start worrying over everything. Sighing contentedly he snuggled into the bed and tried to retain the peaceful feeling for as long as possible.

“Morning.”

Crowley smiled at the sound of Cain’s voice. It was deep and soothing. Just the sound of it seemed to enhance the calm that he already felt. Crowley frowned at that. Was it his imagination or… Opening his eyes the first thing he saw was a pair of denim-clad legs stretched out down the bed. Sitting up instantly Crowley realized his head had been resting on one of Cain’s thighs. He turned and suddenly found himself lost in a pair of beautiful blue eyes. 

“Crowley?”

Shaking his head to clear it Crowley tried to focus. Damn that was hard to concentrate with Cain this close. He had to admit it was nice though. 

“Crowley,” Cain growled. 

“Sorry. I was just getting my bearings. I’m awake now.”

“Ready to go down for breakfast?”

“Soon, I want to get changed first. That is… I mean if you didn’t…” 

“I didn’t move anything. Everything is exactly where you left it,” Cain told him.

Crowley nodded silently. Moving slowly he sat up and pressed himself back against the headboard. Wrapping his arms around himself he let his head drop slightly to keep from having to make eye contact. It wasn’t until Cain left that Crowley finally let his eyes slide closed. He still didn’t know what he was going to do about the bond. His instincts told him to flee but everything else screamed for him to stay. Gods he couldn’t do this. 

-

In an effort to have breakfast ready by the time Crowley made it downstairs Cain did something he hadn’t done in a while. He conjured the food instead of cooking. When he agreed to stay with Crowley last night he had every intention of staying in the chair. When Crowley began to have a nightmare he hadn’t been able to help himself. Being careful not to wake his mate Cain climbed into the bed and comforted Crowley. By the time the nightmare passed Crowley was snuggled against him and Cain didn’t have the heart to move him. As promised he spent the entire night watching over his mate to ensure there were not more nightmares.

If Crowley decided to leave today... Cain growled at that thought. If he ended up getting hurt because he spent the night watching over his mate who decided to leave him now it was his own fault. Crowley had tried to leave yesterday. It was he who insisted Crowley stay. He hadn’t been able to stop himself though. Crowley just looked so broken Cain couldn’t let him leave in that state. He had to help his mate. If Crowley did decide to leave today he didn’t know how he was going to be able to stand it. Still, with the sheer terror he had felt radiating off of his mate Cain knew he couldn’t push Crowley. That would only scare him more. Cain had to be patient. Finally he felt Crowley coming down the stairs. 

When Crowley finally made it into the kitchen Cain remained quiet letting Crowley dictate the mood. Crowley sat in his chair at the table without a word. Silently he stared at the table in front of him. Cain’s heart broke for his demon. While he didn’t know specifically what his demon had suffered through he had a decent idea. He knew how hell worked not to mention that sometimes humans could be even worse than demons. Respecting Crowley’s need for quiet Cain fixed a plate and put it in front of his mate before sitting down himself. As if in a daze Crowley ate slowly, mechanically. It wasn’t until Crowley finished that Cain looked down realized he hadn’t even touched his own food. It was the first time in many years he hadn’t eaten breakfast. His worry over his mate rendered such things trivial.

After breakfast Cain had willed the dishes clean. He didn’t want to be bothered with such petty matters if this was going to be his last few moments with his mate. Without a word Crowley made his way to the living room. Cain followed silently keeping a careful eye on his mate. He stopped just inside the threshold to the living room and watched as Crowley sat down in his usual chair. Finally Cain entered and sat down in his own usual chair and watched. Crowley picked up the book on his end table and held it, running his fingers over the cover. Cain was hesitant on whether or not he should break the silence. Suddenly Crowley looked up and met his eyes.

“I feel like there are some things I should say,” Crowley said quietly.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable talking about,” Cain answered cautiously. Crowley merely shook his head. Placing the book back on the end table he stood and began pacing. Cain watched his mate warily. Crowley stopped pacing and eyed Cain.

“I don’t know how much of this I’ll actually be able to relate so try not to press if there are parts I can’t explain.”

Cain nodded and Crowley resumed his pacing.

“I can’t just accept this bond. It’s not just because of you though. In the past anyone else having control over me was always bad. The things they did… Never mind. Suffice it to say that it wasn’t pleasant. I swore I would never let that happen again.” Crowley slowed and finally he stopped pacing. Turning he stared out of the window.

Cain watched, wondering if he should say something.

“The things they did…” Crowley trailed off and shook slightly.

That was all it took. Unable to stand watching his mate suffer Cain stood and rushed over to Crowley. He started to wrap his arms around his mate when he was struck by a sudden blast of energy. Cain staggered. 

“No!” Crowley shouted. 

Shaking his head Cain tried to focus. When his eyes landed on Crowley he stopped moving. There was something in Crowley’s eyes that told him that Crowley wasn’t quite with them anymore. It was as if he were seeing another time and place. He watched as Crowley stumbled backwards until he was pressed into a corner. Crowley’s head jerked left and right as if he were searching for some unseen danger. Taking a deep breath Cain took a few cautious steps forward. Crowley still didn’t seem to see him.

“Crowley?” Cain said softly.

The flinch Crowley gave at the sound of his voice caused Cain to wince. A broken whine escaped Crowley’s lips and Cain had to fight back the urge to rush forward and gather his mate into his arms. He realized he needed to take this slowly or he would only end up frighteng Crowley more. Cautiously he took another two steps forward and crouched down. He was almost within arm’s reach of Crowley but he didn’t dare get closer just yet.

“Crowley,” Cain repeated, careful to keep his voice low and calm. “You’re safe. Whatever you’re seeing isn’t real. You’re safe here Crowley, you know that.” Crowley merely whimpered and shook harder. Cain inched closer. “Crowley? Everything’s alright, you’re safe. Just listen to my voice Crowley. Nothing here is going to hurt you, you’re safe. Crowley? Look at me.”

Crowley turned towards him as his eyes scrunched shut tightly. Cain attempted to remain calm as anger at those who had hurt his mate threatened to consume him. If he let that happen then it would only upset Crowley further. “Mate, open your eyes for me.”

Still trembling Crowley’s eyes slowly opened. As they settled on Cain Crowley blinked several times. The shaking seemed to ease slightly. “Cain?” Crowley asked in a hoarse voice.

“It’s me,” Cain assured him. Moving closer he sat down next to Crowley. Almost instantly Crowley lurched forward and wrapped his arms around him. The shock of it faded quickly and Cain put his arms around Crowley. Keeping one arm around Crowley’s middle he moved his other until his hand rested on the back of Crowley’s head.

“Sh Crowley, you’re safe. I’ve got you. Nothing’s going to hurt you here.”

“Hurts,” Crowley whined into Cain’s shoulder.

“I know Crowley, I know. Let me in Crowley. Let me help you, let me take care of you.”

Crowley shook his head and clutched onto him tighter. “I can’t. You’ll just hurt me too.”

“I could never hurt you, it’s my job to protect you. Let me in Crowley. Give me a chance to take care of you.” 

“It hurts,” Crowley whimpered. 

As his mate Cain could order him to comply but Crowley would see that as yet another a betrayal. No, he had to get Crowley had to agree to this on his own. “Let me in Crowley. Let me help you,” Cain insisted.

For a long while Crowley remained silent. Then, “Make it stop. Please?” he whispered.

“You got it,” Cain assured him. Instantly he opened himself to Crowley. The pain was breathtaking. Memories long suppressed by Crowley flashed through Cain’s mind. While he didn’t catch them all he caught most of them. As much as he expected Crowley’s past to be filled with suffering this was something altogether more. Once again anger surged through Cain as he felt what his mate had endured. Crowley whimpered again and Cain struggled to reign in his emotions. Later, he pacified himself. Right now he had to take care of his mate. Later he would worry about everything else. He suffered through the pain both physical and emotional. Taking Crowley’s pain into himself he sent his own strength and peace into Crowley. 

-

Confused Crowley frowned trying to understand what had happened. “Cain?” Crowley asked tentatively. 

“I’m here,” Cain told him. 

The rumble of Cain’s voice vibrating throughout his body calmed him. Breathing deeply he closed his eyes and let himself relax. For the first time in as long as he could remember he felt at peace. He could completely get used to feeling like this.

“Crowley.”

Crowley hummed contentedly at the easy rumble of Cain’s voice. “Mm hm?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Feel fine,” Crowley murmured.

“Good. You ready to get up now?”

Crowley frowned again. Finally opening his eyes he examined the room. He found he was sitting on the floor, wrapped in Cain’s arms. The demon knight in question was also sitting on the floor next to him quietly watching him carefully. Crowley began to get nervous. “What, uh, what exactly just happened?” He felt Cain hesitate and Crowley’s worry grew slightly.

“How much do you remember?” Cain asked instead of answering.

“Not much,” Crowley admitted. He thought about it. “I think the last thing I remember was trying to help you understand why this is so hard for me. I couldn’t sit still so I got up to be able to move around. I remember staring out the window and seeing the beehives. I vaguely remember feeling… I don’t know, overwhelmed I guess. I just got caught up in all the memories and couldn’t stop them. It felt like I was drowning in the past.”

“And now?”

“Not so much,” Crowley admitted. “I don’t know how it happened. One moment I was suffocating in memories and then you were there. It was like I could finally breath again. I still don’t remember how we ended up on the floor but I remember hearing your voice and feeling…” 

“Yes?”

“Better,” Crowley muttered. “I felt better.” He did feel better so it wasn’t really a lie but it was more than that. For the first time in a long time he almost felt at peace. He just wasn’t ready to admit that much just yet. There was still so much about everything that confused him. He wanted to figure out how he felt about it before having to discuss it. “Can we get up off of the floor now?” he asked. After a moment’s hesitation Cain finally agreed. 

-

As the day progressed the mood didn’t lighten. Crowley found himself testing the bond trying to figure out how Cain had broken through everything and what it meant. It had been a long time since he’d broken down let alone in front of someone else. It left him feeling weak. If Cain didn’t think he was weak before he probably did now. Except Crowley knew better. When Cain did whatever he did Crowley felt what Cain felt. Pity had not been among any of the emotions he’d felt emanating off of the demon knight.

The emotion that confused him the most was the anger. Initially, lost in the past Crowley had assumed Cain was angry with him. Everyone else in his life had let him down or hurt him, why shouldn’t Cain? Besides, with the bond there wasn’t anything he could do to stop the demon knight. Resigned to his fate Crowley had been surprised when the anger evaporated and instead of hurting him Cain had soothed him. Gradually he realized Cain’s anger hadn’t been directed at him and that confused Crowley even more. He was used to being hurt, he wasn’t used to anyone caring enough to protect him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

As the day drew to a close he was no closer to an answer. They had just finished dinner and Crowley was washing the dishes. Cain had offered to wash them but Crowley had wanted to do them to have time to think. Soon enough he would have to make a decision and he was still no closer to deciding whether or not to stay. He wanted to ask for another day to think about everything but he knew Cain would never agree and honestly it wouldn’t be fair to him.

When they’d connected he’d felt the raging torrent of emotions coursing through Cain. At first the intensity of Cain’s desire to take him had terrified him. And yet, despite everything Cain had never pressed him for anything. In his experience anyone who wanted something from him wouldn’t have hesitated. Through their bond Crowley could feel how much Cain wanted him but Cain hadn’t even made the slightest of a suggestive remark. Suddenly he had to know why. He hurriedly finished the dishes and made his way to the living room.

“I know how much you want to take me. I could feel it when we connected,” Crowley announced without preamble.

Cain didn’t even look up from his book. “I already told you I wanted you in my bed,” Cain stated blandly.

“You also know I couldn’t refuse you if you were to command it,” Crowley stated angrily.

“I do,” Cain answered, still without looking up from his book.

“Then why haven’t you?” Crowley demanded.

Finally Cain lowered his book and looked up to meet Crowley’s eyes. “I’ve told you before I have never taken anyone by force, I’m not about to change now. I can wait until you’re ready.”

“You really don’t want to wait though,” Crowley stated bluntly.

“I don’t want to lose you more then I want sex,” Cain said evenly. 

Crowley wasn’t sure how to respond to that. 

“Are you planning on staying?” Cain asked.

“I don’t know,” Crowley admitted. “I’m still not sure if I can accept another having that much control over me.”

“I don’t want to control you Crowley. I want you to be your own person. If I wanted to force my will on you I already would have, you know that.”

“It’s just that everyone in my past-”

“I’m not them Crowley. Do not compare me to those that hurt you,” Cain snarled.

Crowley took a step backward suddenly apprehensive. The waves of anger he felt radiating off of Cain made him nervous. Desperately he sought for a way to correct the situation before it spiraled out of control. Suddenly the anger he felt through the bond retreated.

“Crowley?”

Cain’s voice was calm but he also sounded wary. Crowley was unsure what to trust, his ears or years of experience. He wanted to trust that Cain wouldn’t harm him but his past history assured him he was indeed fixing to be hurt.

“Tell me what you need Crowley,” Cain ordered.

Crowley had no doubt that it was indeed an order. While he bristled at the command the bond insisted he reply. The problem was, he couldn’t. He didn’t know what he needed. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry I got angry but it was not directed at you, okay?”

Crowley shrugged unwilling to do more lest he do something to make the situation worse.

Cain sighed heavily. “The bond affects me every bit as much as it affects you. You have to know that by now.”

Crowley nodded cautiously.

“The anger you felt was directed at those that hurt you before. I was angry because I wasn’t there to protect you when you needed it.”

“You didn’t even know me then,” Crowley said quietly.

“Doesn’t matter,” Cain told him. “I still feel the need to track down the people who hurt you and kill them.”

“They’re all already dead,” Crowley whispered.

“All of them?” Cain asked dubiously.

Crowley nodded. “Most were dead by the time I was able to take care of them. Those that weren’t I killed.”

“Good,” Cain announced sharply.

In spite of his fears Crowley found himself smiling slightly.

“Crowley?” Cain hesitated before continuing. “If I… If I were to _ask_ you to stay… Would you feel pressured?”

His instinctive response was ‘Yes definitely,’ but he took time to actually think about it before answering. Finally he shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I already know you want me to stay. You asking me to stay wouldn’t put any more pressure on me then I already feel.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel pressured but I can’t help what you get through the bond.”

“I know. It’s just…”

“You learned not to trust anyone, especially those with more power, because they would always hurt you,” Cain replied quietly.

Crowley dropped his eyes to the ground and didn’t answer.

“You know I won’t stop you or hurt you if you choose to leave though, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Crowley acknowledged.

“Then, if you don’t mind me asking…”

“You want to know if I’m staying,” Crowley finished. This time it was Cain who didn’t answer. “I’d like to, I really would.”

“Then stay,” Cain insisted. “As long as you’re willing to give this, us, a chance I promise I won’t put undue pressure on you. All I ask is that you give it a chance.”

Crowley hesitated. “I want to, I do, but-”

“Then do it. I’m not asking a definitive commitment just yet I’m only asking for you to agree to try Crowley, that’s it. Just give it a chance to work.”

Crowley bit his bottom lip as he thought about it. “I want to agree, I really do. It’s just, how can I trust, I mean… It’s no reflection on you but how do I know…” 

“That I won’t press for more if you agree,” Cain answered knowingly. “Because that would cost me any chance I have of you being able to accept the bonding. I would rather have you near and never be with you that way then lose you forever. If I were to put undue pressure on you then you’d flee. I would never risk that happening. As strongly as you feel the bond I do as well. I’d rather have you near then not have you at all even if it never progresses to more.”

Crowley snorted. “You expect me to believe you don’t want sex?”

“Of course I want sex,” Cain growled. “If I said differently that would be a lie. The point is, though, that if it came down to pressuring you for sex and losing you or never having sex and keeping you here I would be willing to forgo that particular aspect.”

Crowley blinked in surprise. He almost insisted that Cain didn’t mean what he was saying before he realized that accusation might upset him. Taking a deep breath he held it for a few seconds before releasing it. “If… If I can’t progress to more…” 

“Then that’s fine.” Cain stood and started to take a step forward before he seemed to think better of it. “I just want you near,” he said softly. 

The look on Cain’s face was almost too much to bear. After everything Cain had done to make him feel safe could he just leave? More than that, could he allow those that had hurt him in the past to dictate his future? “Do you swear?” Crowley asked.

“To what?”

“To never press me.”

“I swear to never press you on purpose. I cannot help it if something I say gets taken wrong by accident.”

Hell help him he couldn’t take the desperation in Cain’s eyes. He had no clue if it was the bond talking or his own cognizance but he couldn’t say no. While he had ample reasons to leave and never look back he couldn’t do it. “I agree.”

-

In the next week that passed nothing much changed. They ate breakfast, trained, read, ate dinner and slept. Well, he assumed Cain slept, Crowley on the other hand stayed awake waiting to see if Cain would change his mind and show up in the middle of the night. Gradually he fell back into the routine of cleaning. The normalcy of it all comforted him. Still, he couldn’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop. He wasn’t sure what he expected to go wrong but he was positive something would. After a week Crowley allowed himself to fall back into the habit of sleeping nights.

All seemed to be going fairly well until the third night of that second week. All things considered he probably should have foreseen it. Between the bond, Cain, and discussion of his past, not to mention the recent panic attack of course he would have a nightmare. Though it was a nightmare spawned by events that happened to him while he’d been human that didn’t make it any less terrifying then the ones he had since becoming a demon. In many ways it was just that much worse. He woke up gasping and struggling to breath. While something nagged at the back of his mind his panic didn’t allow for him to pay much attention to the feeling. Attempting to sit up he panicked even more when he realized he was pinned and couldn’t move. 

“Crowley,” a voice called firmly.

“No!” Crowley shouted. He was still partially lost in the dream and didn’t recognize who had spoken. All he knew was he was trapped and unable to defend himself. “Let go!”

“Crowley stop,” the voice growled.

Against his will he found himself struggling less until he finally stilled. He wanted to continue fighting but he couldn’t force himself to disobey the voice. Crowley started trembling as he waited for the other person to hurt him.

“Crowley?”

Unable to speak Crowley shook his head.

“You’re safe Crowley, it was just a dream.”

Still shaking slightly Crowley tried to process that. Safe. Dream. Not real. 

“Crowley?”

Finally who the voice belonged to clicked into place. Cain. He was at Cain’s house, in his own bedroom, in his own bed. It was Cain’s arm over him and no one else. Nothing would attack him or hurt him here, not with Cain present. He really was safe. Taking deep breaths he tried to calm down. 

“Crowley answer me,” Cain demanded.

“Yeah. Just… give me time.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were back with me,” Cain told him. “Time we have, take all of it you need.”

Nodding Crowley closed his eyes and relaxed. Now that he knew it was Cain’s arm draped over him he actually _could_ relax. It finally hit him that’s what his mind had been trying to tell him earlier when he hadn’t been able to think straight. Finally calm he opened his eyes and turned to face Cain. The demon knight was lying next to him and watching him intently.

“I’m good now,” Crowley told him quietly.

“You sure?” Cain asked.

“Yeah. It was nothing. Like you said, just a dream.”

“Nightmare,” Cain corrected.

“Same thing,” Crowley muttered shifting uncomfortably. “And what are you doing here?” he asked in an attempt to change the subject.

“I felt your distress. I had to see if I could do something to help.”

“Yeah?” Crowley growled. “Well, helpful hint? When someone is in the throes of a nightmare where they’re unable to defend themselves pinning their arms _isn’t the best idea!_ ”

For several moments the only noise was the sound of Crowley’s ragged breathing. He hadn’t meant to yell but he hadn’t been able to help it. The terror he felt at being restricted when he woke was still too close to the surface for him to not be angry. After a few seconds Cain slowly lifted his arm and pulled it back. Still breathing roughly Crowley still couldn’t speak.

“I didn’t think about it like that,” Cain said quietly. 

Crowley turned over on his side and stared at the wall. Through the bond he knew Cain had only wanted to help but these nightmares always made him feel weak. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone else seeing him like that. He was a demon for fucks sake. He should be stronger than this.

“What is you need Crowley?”

Unable to answer Crowley shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself.

“Would you like me to leave?”

“No!” Crowley shouted, suddenly turning back to Cain. The shakes not only returned but worsened. No he definitely didn’t want to be left alone but he didn’t seem to be able to actually form the words. “Please?” he whispered.

Cain lifted his arm slightly, hesitated, and dropped it again. 

“If you want you can put your arm back now,” Crowley said quietly.

“You sure?”

“Yeah just, can you not trap my arms?”

Nodding Cain lifted his arm again and waited. Crowley turned onto his back and lifted his arms slightly. Slipping his arm over Crowley’s chest Cain let it rest there lightly. Crowley waited to see how he felt about this before finally nodding back. He could feel Cain’s relief through the bond and had to smile. Finally he allowed himself to think _maybe_ this wouldn’t be as bad as he assumed at first. Just _maybe_ they could make this work somehow.

-

As the first rays of light filtered into the room Crowley found himself completely relaxed and snuggled against a warm body pressed against his right side. After a nightmare he usually found himself too wound up to sit still let alone continue lying down. With Cain’s arm over him, though, he didn’t even want to think about getting out of the bed. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever felt this relaxed. 

“Crowley? Cain asked tentatively.

“Mm hm?” Crowley answered, loathed to break the comfortable silence.

“You ready to get up for the day?”

Crowley hummed negatively and shook his head. Shifting he turned onto his side and backed up until he was firmly snuggled against Cain. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled. Behind him Cain laughed softly.

“You got it,” Cain answered.


	7. Chapter 7

Crowley had made a decision. He hadn’t agreed to do more than try but he still felt the need to attempt to keep his word. As much as he wanted to blame it on the bond so he had a reason to ignore the compulsion he just couldn’t do that. The bond might play a part in it but he had always striven to keep his word. Even if the bond was a part of his decision, keeping his word was the real reason he felt compelled to follow through with his decision. After dinner he offered to do the dishes. If he did the dishes he could drag them out and waste time. Cain had insisted that it was his turn instead as Crowley had done yesterday’s dishes.

Meanwhile Crowley made his way to the living room. He plopped down into his chair and picked up his current book. While he tried to read he couldn’t focus on the words. With a huff of frustration he snapped the book closed and glared at the far wall. This was stupid. If he really wasn’t ready for this then Cain wouldn’t mind. He let out a sigh of resignation. It was true enough but still couldn’t help how he felt. No Cain would never push him for more than he was willing to give but Crowley had promised to give this his best effort. So far he’d been avoiding everything having to do with the romantic aspects of their relationship. If he was really going to give it his best effort he had to stop postponing. 

“I can feel your anxiety,” Cain said quietly from somewhere behind Crowley.

If Crowley hadn’t felt Cain’s approach he might have jumped. Instead he gave a half-hearted smile that faded quickly. Entering the room Cain sat down on the corner of the coffee table and waited quietly. “I’m fine,” Crowley tried to assure him. Both of them knew that it wasn’t fully true but thankfully Cain let it pass. “I was just thinking about things.”

Cain cocked an eyebrow and continued waiting.

Oh sod it, Crowley thought. This was going to happen sooner or later. Might as well get it over with earlier rather than later. That way he would be able to say I told you so and feel justified in his reservations about being intimate. Just the word itself was almost enough to make him cringe. Never had any of his previous encounters been anything that could have ever been considered intimate. Despite Cain’s promises not to press for sex he’d never made any claims about how it would be when it actually did happen. Crowley despised waiting. It was much better to get it over with and know for sure. Without a word Crowley stood and began unbuttoning his shirt.

“Crowley,” Cain growled as he stood.

“I have to do this,” Crowley told him without looking up. “I have to know.”

“Not like this,” Cain insisted.

Stepping forward Cain caught Crowley’s hands and tried to stop them. Crowley shrugged off Cain’s hands and continued unbuttoning his shirt. “Have to,” he muttered. “Just let me do this.”

“If you’re pushing yourself because you think I want this-”

“I’m not,” Crowley interrupted. He couldn’t get through this if he had to stop and talk about it first. He needed this over and done with. He needed to know. Shoving his shirt off of his shoulders Crowley began working on his pants. With his eyes still averted he finished removing most of his clothing. When he was done he stood in front of Cain clad in only his boxers. Crowley could feel Cain’s desire to take him coursing through their bond and made a concentrated effort not to shake.

“Why are you doing this?” Cain asked sounding almost breathless.

“I have to,” Crowley said quietly.

“I’m trying Crowley but I can only resist so much.”

“So stop resisting. I need to do this.”

“I’m not sure you’re ready yet,” Cain answered cautiously.

Crowley didn’t reply. Instead he stalked over to Cain and pressed his body firmly against the demon knight. The move also served to keep him from having to make eye contact which he considered a bonus. Steeling himself Crowley ran his hands under Cain’s shirt and pressed his palms flat against his back. He could feel Cain’s breathing quickening.

“Don’t do this Crowley,” Cain warned. “You’re not ready for this.”

“Maybe you’re not ready,” Crowley countered. Before Cain had a chance to respond Crowley drew him down into a deep kiss. Cain moved easily enough and Crowley figured it was probably shock. It was beyond his imagination that someone as dominant as the demon knight would relinquish control under any other circumstances. He could pinpoint the exact moment when the shock finally faded. Cain’s hands suddenly shot up and gripped his shoulders. Crowley winced slightly but did his best to hide it. 

Cain took possession of the kiss and Crowley didn’t bother to fight it. He’d learned the hard way resisting a dominant would only get you hurt worse. Trying to remain relaxed and keep his nerves under control he allowed Cain to take control over what would happen next. He winced again when Cain’s grip on his shoulders tightened even more. Pulling back slightly Cain stared intensely into Crowley’s eyes and Crowley against fought the urge to fight back. For several moments Cain didn’t move. Finally he released Crowley’s shoulders and took a step back still without breaking eye contact.

“You’re not ready for this,” Cain announced. “I’m not going to let you push me into this just because you want to prove to yourself I’m no different.” Without another word Cain walked out of the living room leaving a stunned Crowley in his wake. 

It took several seconds for his brain to catch up with what just happened. When he finally realized he’d just been turned down Crowley got angry. As irrational as it was he couldn’t help how he felt. He had been prepared for several different scenarios but being rejected wasn’t any of them. With a growl Crowley turned and headed for the stairs. Climbing the stairs he stormed down the hallway until he was standing just outside of Cain’s door. Without a second thought he banged on the door impatiently. He didn’t expect Cain to answer and he wasn’t surprised when there was no response.

“Damn it Cain, open the door.” Still no response. “You want to prove you’re different then don’t do this. Don’t walk away and abandon me without a word!” Angry, Crowley slammed his fist against the door once again. “You said I could trust you!” he shouted in frustration. “You told me if I let you in I would be safe! You said…” He trailed off unsure what else to say. In spite of his reservations he had wanted to believe Cain was telling the truth. He want to believe Cain wouldn’t abandon him like everyone else. He should have known better, he thought. He should have realized this wouldn’t be any different.

.

_“You want to prove you’re different then don’t do this. Don’t walk away and abandon me without a word!”_

Staring at the door Cain had to fight against the desire to open it and pull his mate into his arms. He wanted nothing more than to comfort Crowley and prove that he would never hurt him as everyone else had hurt him. The problem was that the closer Crowley was the harder it was to control his impulses. It had taken all of his willpower to walk away from Crowley earlier. He didn’t know if he had the strength to do it again.

_“You said I could trust you! You told me if I let you in I would be safe!”_

The desperation in his mate's voice had him taking a step forward before he even realized he was moving. Cain managed to stop himself with one hand on the doorknob. Crowley needed patience. He needed love and understanding. He needed someone to show him things could be different from what he experienced in the past. Cain just wasn’t sure that he could restrain himself long enough to prove that to Crowley if he opened the door right now.

_“I should have known better than to trust you!”_

Cain winced at the pain in Crowley’s voice. What the hell was he doing? His mate needed him and he was denying his mate the comfort only he could provide. Opening the door he took in the sight of his mate. It was then that he finally realized he shouldn’t have been that worried. Yes, Crowley was still wearing nothing more than his boxers but Cain’s overwhelming need to take care of his mate surpassed all the other desires. 

Knowing he’d caused the pained look he saw in Crowley’s eyes hurt. He had to do something to fix this. “I truly was trying to show you this was different from anything else you’ve experienced in your past.”

“By abandoning me?” Crowley shot back angrily.

“I did not mean for it to seem that way. I only wanted to wait until you were truly ready. I wasn’t sure how much I could control myself with you… with your current state of undress.”

“You rejected me,” Crowley stated flatly. “I can feel how much you want me and yet you still turned me down.”

“You weren’t ready,” Cain told him evenly. “I told you, I won’t ever force you. I don’t want you to force yourself either.”

“No one’s ever turned me down before.”

“You’ve never been bonded before. Being a dominant isn’t just about sex, Crowley. It’s about taking care of our partner. I need you to know I will never hurt you on purpose or take advantage of you just because I can.”

“I don’t know if I can trust anyone anymore.”

“It’s just going to take time Crowley.”

“Then can we fuck?”

Cain blinked several times in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“I know you said it’ll take time but I’m never going to be able to believe it until we’re finally together. I’ve heard too many lies. I’m never going to be able to just accept someone’s word.”

“If you’re pushing yourself because you think I want this-”

“I don’t think you want this, I know you want it. That’s not why I want to go through with this though. I told you I won’t be able to trust just words. I need to actually go through with this to be able to trust you. Besides, I kind of want this too,” he finished quietly.

“If we do this we’re doing things my way,” Cain replied. 

Crowley shrugged. “That’s how it is with all dominants.”

Unable to stop the sudden surge of anger those words brought on Cain grabbed Crowley by his upper arm and drug him into the room. “Until I give you just cause you are _not_ to compare me with those who have hurt you. Do you understand?” Crowley tried to yank his arm back but Cain wouldn’t allow it. “Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” Crowley snapped.

Clenching his jaw Cain tried to rein in his temper. As angry as he was he realized that Crowley was scared and likely just feeling defensive. When Crowley got nervous he always got defensive. If he didn’t get a grip on his temper it was only going to get worse. “You really want this or not? Now is the time to say no if you really don’t want this Crowley.” Crowley hesitated and Cain bit back the urge to growl. Releasing Crowley’s arm Cain gave him a slight shove back towards the door. “Get out.”

“No,” Crowley dissented. 

“Damn it Crowley this isn’t a game. If you keep this up-”

“I want this.”

“You’re still not ready for things to go that far,” Cain argued.

“I’m never going to be _ready_. I need to do this. If I don’t I’ll just keep worrying.”

“You need to stop intentionally pressing my buttons is what you need to do,” Cain warned him.

“I didn’t mean to, it was reflexive. I really do want this though.”

“I’m serious Crowley. I won’t be able to just stop if you change your mind in the middle of things. I might be able to at any other time but not the first time we’re together. You need to be really sure you want this.”

“I’m sure,” Crowley whispered.

Hell have mercy on him Cain wasn’t sure if _he_ was ready for this. Gods he wanted this but he wasn’t sure if he could be easy the first time. The first time was for getting to know everything about your partner. It was for claiming. It was for sealing the bond. “Bed,” Cain growled. With a brief nod Crowley walked past Cain silently. Cain stood where he was staring at the door but not really seeing it.

“Um, should I…”

Turning he spotted Crowley standing next to the bed. His mate was standing next to the bed with his fingers hooked in the waistband of his boxers. The waves of nervousness he felt radiating off of Crowley hurt. He needed to do something to help soothe his mate. “No, keep them on for now. Just, uh, sit down first if you don’t mind.” 

Warily Crowley sat down on the edge of the bed and waited. 

“I think we should discuss a few things first,” Cain began. He gave Crowley a quick glance to see if there was anything he wanted to say. When Crowley remained quiet Cain continued. “I don’t know how much you know about bonding so I wanted to tell you a few things first. The first time a bonded pair is together…”

“I’ve heard the stories,” Crowley said quietly.

Cain gave a derisive huff. “I can just guess what kind of stories you’ve heard. I want to make sure you’re really prepared for this Crowley. The first time a bonded pair is together it cements the bond. In all honesty I’m not sure how much control I’ll actually have.”

Crowley scoffed at that. 

“You have to know I won’t ever hurt you on purpose, no dominant would. It’s just that if we go through with this I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop in the middle. I just wanted to make sure you knew that before we did anything. Any other time I should be able retain control but the first time…” 

“I understand. It’s fine. Better to get it out of the way, right?”

“I suppose. Look, if there’s anything you need no matter how far gone I seem, I want you to speak up okay?”

Dropping his eyes to his hands Crowley hesitated. 

“Crowley?”

“It’s nothing,” Crowley muttered.

“Crowley,” Cain growled.

“So you’re giving me permission to speak up if I am uncomfortable with something?”

Cain stared at Crowley incredulously. Suddenly he realized he really shouldn’t be that surprised by the question. He knew some of what had been done to Crowley before. Crowley’s cautious question was to be expected. “Yes, Crowley. If you are ever uncomfortable at any time you may always say stop. In fact I order you to say stop anytime you need. Understood?”

Crowley shook his head. “Not really,” he answered with his eyes still on his hands. “But I can try though.”

“Yes definitely try. And I’ll do my best to pay as much attention as possible. No matter what happened or what you were told in the past never be scared to speak up when we’re together. Part of us being bonded is that it’s my job to protect you.”

“I can protect myself,” Crowley snapped still not meeting his eyes.

“That’s not… What I meant to say is-”

“Look, can we just get on with this? I’d rather not wait if it’s all the same to you.”

Opening his mouth Cain started to respond but stopped himself. As Crowley stated earlier there was no way he was going to be persuaded by mere words. It would take time and patience before Crowley would be able to fully trust another. “Very well then,” Cain sighed. “Remove the last of your clothing and lie back on the bed.”

Crowley did as he instructed. When he was finally laying back on the bed he closed his eyes. Cain desperately wanted to order Crowley to open his eyes. He wanted to make sure it was him Crowley was seeing and not anyone else. He was Crowley’s mate and Crowley belonged to him. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm down. His mate was apprehensive and allowing his emotions to run away with him wouldn’t help ease Crowley’s mind. He had to pull himself together for his mates sake. Slowly Cain unbuttoned his shirt and removed it. Climbing into the bed he moved until he was sitting on his knees next to Crowley’s left side. 

.

Unsure what to expect Crowley tried to keep his muscles relaxed as he felt Cain climbing into the bed. Just breath, he told himself. Sooner or later this would all be over. Through the bond he could feel calmness trying to help soothe his nerves. When he felt tentative touches on his chest Crowley jumped slightly. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s fine Crowley. Remember, you’re safe.”

Still with his eyes closed Crowley nodded. He had no desire to see what was coming if he could do nothing to stop it. As much as he wanted to believe Cain he’d had centuries of experience telling him this wouldn’t be any different then all the times before. Slowly the fingers began trailing over his skin. Crowley suppressed a shiver as the fingers explored. He was finally able to relax when he realized they weren’t touching anywhere inappropriate. The fingers trailed over his chest, up the side of his neck, across his jawbone, and so many other ‘safe’ places. He finally allowed himself to relax a little more. 

As the time passed Cain’s fingers, and occasionally his whole palm, moved down almost every inch of his skin. Crowley found himself relaxing into the touches. Soon he found himself almost arching into the soft caresses. His eyes drifted shut again and Crowley imagined he could almost feel what his skin felt like to Cain. Mmm, maybe he could, he thought lazily. Who was he to say how a bond worked or what it allowed? When a finger suddenly trailed lightly over his right nipple Crowley gasped and arched his back trying maintain the contact. Gods he had never expected it to feel this good. From somewhere above him Cain voiced a sound of approval at Crowley’s response.

“Again,” Crowley demanded.

Crowley inhaled sharply when, instead of finger tips, a tongue softly slid up his chest and flicked over his nipple several times. Moaning Crowley tried to arch his back again when the tongue retreated but hands held him firmly against the bed. 

“No,” Cain growled. “Stay.”

Crowley gave a whine of frustration. No matter what he wanted he wouldn’t be able to disobey a direct order from his dominant. “Again. Please,” he begged. He was rewarded when the tongue returned to repeat the process on the other side of his chest. “Yes. Oh yes,” he moaned softly. Never had anyone touching him ever felt this good. He gave up trying to figure out if it had anything to do with the bond and just enjoyed the sensations.

After Cain had worked his way over every inch of his front he had Crowley turn over and lay on his stomach. It took a while for Crowley to work up the nerve to actually manage it. When he finally did he was once again profoundly nervous. It didn’t help matters that he was completely naked and Cain was still wearing his pants. _Here we go,_ he thought. As nice as everything had been so far he was dreading what was coming next. Foreplay, or whatever that had been, was one thing but sex was something else. Taking a deep breath Crowley attempted to remain as relaxed as possible. 

Cain was the most dominant demon to ever take Crowley to bed. Hopefully that wouldn’t make this time more painful than the others had been. He had to work hard to keep from trembling in nervousness as Cain threw a leg over him and straddled Crowley’s hips. The course denim felt rough against Crowley’s bare skin. At least if Cain was still wearing his pants nothing too painful should happen just yet. A moan of pleasure slipped from his lips as strong hands began massaging the knots in his shoulders. 

“Mm, feels good,” Crowley murmured. 

“Not good enough if you can still talk,” Cain growled back. 

Crowley had to suppressed a shiver at the tone. There was a moment of silence and then, the distinctive sound of a snap rang out into the room. Suddenly the abrasive feel of the denim was gone. Crowley’s anxiety kicked into full swing as he realized what this meant. He wanted to say stop but he couldn’t force the word out of his mouth. In the past when he had defied the other dominants that had taken him they’d only hurt him worse. He had learned to grit his teeth and ignore as much of the pain as possible. He had no doubts this would be every bit as painful as all the others if not more so. 

Slowly Cain slid down the bed until he was situated between Crowley’s legs. A hand settled on each of his hips and Crowley flinched. In spite of his best efforts Crowley felt his eyes begin to sting. Memories of his past assaulted him and threatened to consume him.

“No,” Cain snapped. “You will not lose yourself in the past. You will remain here in the present with me. The others cannot have you, you are _my_ mate.”

With his cheek pressed against the bed Crowley nodded the best he could. “Yes sir,” he whispered. Resigned to his fate Crowley felt a single tear slide down his cheek. The very tone of Cain’s voice told Crowley Cain was already gone and completely lost in the moment. Soon would come the claiming and then, after that, Crowley would have even less control over his life then he did now. After the claiming was completed he would belong fully to the demon knight; a thought that absolutely terrified him. 

Crowley inhaled sharply when the first finger pressed its way inside of him. Gods it had been too long. It had been a long time since he had last experienced anything close to this. At least Cain was taking the time to stretch him. Even if it wasn’t the most pleasant feeling Crowley was fairly certain it was the best the demon knight could manage while completely consumed by the effects of the bond. Almost too soon a second finger was added. Clenching his fists in the pillow Crowley struggled to remain quiet. He reminded himself he had asked for this. He needed to get this part out of the way. After this part was over and done with then he would be able to tell more about what it would be like. First he just had to get through this part. 

Suddenly Cain grabbed Crowley’s hips and yanked them up until Crowley’s knees were pressed into the bed and held him there. “Mine,” Cain growled. As he finally entered Crowley his teeth latched onto the back of Crowley’s neck.

-

By the time it was finally over Crowley was panting, unable to catch his breath. Yes it had hurt but not as much as he’d expected. What had surprised him the most was that it had also been pleasurable. Those who had taken him by force had never cared if he got off or not. When he had actually been the one to instigate sex he was always the top. He would never have believed he could come when he wasn’t the top. Crowley shifted trying to wiggle his way out from under the heavy demon knight still lying atop him. Without moving Cain let out a warning growl and Crowley stopped shifting.

“Mine,” Cain grumbled languidly, nuzzling against the side of Crowley’s neck.

“Yes sir,” Crowley answered quietly.

“Mm, not sir,” Cain disagreed. “If you must use a title then use mate.”

“Yes mate,” Crowley replied obligingly. “Mate?”

“Hmm?” Cain hummed.

“It’s a bit difficult to breath.”

“Will you stay?”

“Do you wish it?”

“Mm, forever mine,” Cain murmured. 

Nuzzling against Crowley’s neck once more Cain hummed happily and Crowley rolled his eyes. “Cain,” Crowley huffed.

“Very well,” Cain assented. When the demon knight finally rolled off of him Crowley started to move. Before he could even turn over Cain wrapped his arms around Crowley and drew him close. “Mine,” Cain repeated.

Crowley rolled his eyes again but couldn’t resist a small smile. 

“You should eat,” Cain suddenly announced.

“Uh… what?” Crowley asked, too stunned to process that question.

“Food,” Cain insisted. “After the energy you just expended you should eat.”

“I don’t require food, you know that,” Crowley argued.

“It’s not that you require food, Crowley,” Cain said quietly.

Disappointment flooded him through the bond and finally Crowley understood. It wasn’t that he needed the food. It was that Cain felt the need to care for him. Surprisingly for perhaps the first time in his long existence letting someone else do things for him didn’t make him feel uneasy. On the contrary, it actually made him feel more at peace then he could remember ever feeling before.

“I could eat. I mean, if you wouldn’t mind finding some food.”

“You will let me feed you?” Cain asked skeptically.

“A little. Like I said, I’m not that hungry but I could manage a little if you’d like.”

“Yes, let me take care of you.”

Suppressing the urge to smile Crowley nodded. Sitting up Cain summoned a plate of food and stared down at him. Crowley cocked his head and raise an eyebrow questioningly. Shaking his head Cain proceeded to gather some food onto the fork and lowered it to Crowley.

-

Fed and newly cleaned Crowley followed behind Cain as they started to make their way down the hallway. When they reached what used to be his room Crowley paused. Turning he stared at the the door for a time before opening it. He wasn’t sure why the room called to him until he spotted the quilt. With a small smile he walked forward and snagged it. Somewhere along the way, after everything he’d been through during his time here the quilt had come to signify comfort. Wrapping it around his arms he turned to leave. He stopped mid step when he saw Cain standing in the doorway eying him oddly.

“Yes?” Crowley asked cautiously.

“Nothing,” Cain said shaking his head. 

Frowning Crowley didn’t reply. It was definitely not nothing but he didn’t know if he should press. The feelings he was getting through the bond were confusing at best. 

Shaking his head Cain strode into the room. Reaching out he gripped the front of the blanket and made sure it was pulled snugly around Crowley’s shoulders before taking a step backward and eying Crowley approvingly. 

“Is there something I should know about this quilt?” Crowley asked suspiciously. Cain stared at him for a long moment and Crowley fought against the urge to squirm.

“That quilt is almost as old as you are,” Cain said quietly. “Colette made it back when she was still alive.”

Shocked Crowley was too stunned to move for a few seconds. Finally he started trying to work his way out of the quilt. Cain’s grip on the front of it prevented that from happening.

“Stop Crowley,” Cain ordered. 

Crowley stilled. “Sorry, I didn’t know,” he whispered.

“Hey now, none of that. Trust me, she would be happy that you like it.”

“If it upsets you I’ll put it back,” Crowley offered.

“No baby, it’s fine. Besides I like that you feel comfortable wrapped up in something she made.”

“Baby?”

“Sorry it just slipped out. I won’t say it again if you don’t like it.”

“No I… I mean, you can call me baby if you like.”

“You don’t mind?”

Crowley shook his head. “You don’t mind if I use this blanket?”

“I’m happy that you like it that much,” Cain answered smiling. Adjusting the blanket to make sure Crowley’s shoulders were wrapped firmly in the quilt Cain smiled and bent down to kiss him on the forehead. “I think Colette would approve as well. Not too tight?”

Crowley shook his head. Without warning Cain reached down and scooped Crowley up into his arms. “Oi! Just what do you think you’re doing?”

For several moments Cain just stared. Finally he spoke. “You have to be sore. I mean after… after the claiming.”

Actually he was pretty sore. Even though Cain had seen to the worst of inevitable damage the claiming had definitely taken its tole on his body. Still, it wasn't as bad as it could have been he reminded himself. “I can still walk,” Crowley grumbled.

“I know, it’s just… Damn it Crowley just let me take care of you! I couldn’t stop myself from hurting you during the claiming. You have no idea what I feel like right now. I have to do this.”

Crowley started to argue but stopped when he saw the pained look in Cain’s eyes. As much as he wanted to do things on his own Cain did look like he was hurting. Maybe he really did need to do this. At the very least what could it hurt? “Alright then,” Crowley agreed. “If you truly need it then I’m okay with it.”

“You’re sure?” Cain asked still hesitating.

“I’m sure,” Crowley answered trying to hide the small smile attempting to form. The relief that washed over the demon knight’s face was almost tangible. Instead of protesting he let Cain carry him down the stairs and into the living room. When they finally made it to the living room Cain set him down on love seat instead of his usual chair and fussed with the quilt. Crowley cocked an eyebrow at him and waited.

“Sorry, I just wanted you near me,” Cain replied looking slightly embarrassed. “I can move you to your chair instead if you’d like.”

“No, it’s fine. After everything I think I could do with a little closeness as well.”

“I am sorry I hurt you,” Cain said softly.

“You weren’t you and honestly? It’s not as bad as it could have been.” He paused, unsure if mentioning any of his previous encounters would upset Cain. As if sensing his reluctance Cain sat down next to him, wrapped an arm around him, and pulled him close. “It wasn’t anything like the times before,” Crowley whispered. “The others… they…” 

“Sh Crowley. You’re mine now and I won’t let anyone hurt ever you again, okay? You’re safe now, baby, you’re safe.”

Nodding Crowley snuggled against Cain and closed his eyes. Cain’s other arm wrapped around him and Crowley tried to relax. _Mate,_ Crowley thought. All his life he’d done everything he could to keep this from happening. He had never wanted to take a chance that someone would be able to hold that much control over him. Now here he was, not only mated but mated to the most dominant demon to ever exist. With the claiming completed the bond was now firmly in place. As scared as he was he wanted to take comfort in the worry and concern he could feel flowing into him from their bond.

“Crowley? What is it, what’s wrong?”

And it seemed Cain could sense his emotions just as clearly. “It’s nothing,” Crowley sighed. “I was just thinking about things better left in the past.”

“Then leave them in the past. I told you I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. I mean it Crowley, you’re mine to protect now.”

“I can take care of myself,” Crowley huffed.

“I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise.” Without removing his arms from around Crowley Cain sat up straighter. “What’s wrong Crowley?”

“Nothing.”

“I know better Crowley. I can feel your anger through the bond. Talk to me.”

“I’ve always taken care of myself. I don’t like relying on someone else to protect me. It just feels wrong.”

“I’m your mate Crowley, it’s my job.”

“No!” Crowley shouted. Shoving Cain’s arms off Crowley stood and began pacing. He stopped and spun back to face Cain. “I’ve never been able to trust anyone else before. I’ve always had to take care of myself. You can’t seriously expect that to change overnight! I’ve been protecting myself my entire existence! I’m not some bloody damsel in distress!” 

By the time he finished he was almost panting, his chest heaving in and out with each breath. When he had calmed down enough to process the look on Cain’s face Crowley began to worry he’d gone too far. In his experience dominants didn’t appreciate being talked back to by their submissive. At the moment he wasn’t feeling anything through the bond which only served to increase his nervousness. Still, he had to stand his ground. He’d been looking after himself for too long to suddenly hand over the reins to someone else.

“Sit down Crowley,” Cain said finally.

“I’d prefer to stand,” Crowley answered warily.

“Sit. Down.”

The order that rang through that voice caused Crowley’s muscles to give in and he dropped down right there. Crowley seethed. This was why he hated the mere idea of being bonded to another. It allowed them power over you and left you defenseless. “What’s wrong?” Crowley shouted. “Couldn’t handle me on your own without resorting to bond magic?” Cain hesitated and Crowley almost frowned.

“It wasn’t intentional though that is no excuse. I realize that given your history that will mean little though. It is difficult for a dominant to watch their partner suffer through something and not do everything they can to help. It’s hard for me to accept a background role when I have the means to help you. I won’t ask for your forgiveness because I did nothing wrong. Those that hurt you in the past were wrong. I will, however, make an effort to be more considerate in the future of the things you’ve been through.”

Crowley had no good response for that so he chose to remain silent.

“You’re right. You’re no damsel in distress and I need to take into account how strong you are to have endured everything that was done to you. In my defense though the anger is a natural side effect and therefore hard to control. I meant no disrespect. While this does not excuse my behavior it also does not excuse your reaction. I’m trying Crowley but I can’t help my reactions any more than you can help yours. You need to give me the same courtesy that you expect in return.” 

He wanted to continue being angry. He wanted to argue that Cain didn’t understand anything about his past. He wanted to rage against the injustice of being bonded now when that was the last thing he’d ever wanted. Through the bond Crowley could feel the effort it took for Cain to keep his tone relaxed and conciliatory. For the first time since this all began Crowley began to realize maybe Cain was having just as many issues with this as he. “Are you… I mean, did you even want this to happen?”

“There’s no good answer for that Crowley. If I say yes then you’ll get angry because you’ll think I pushed for this. If I say no then you’ll start to think I don’t want you and wonder if I’ll hurt you on purpose because of that. The truth is I both wanted this and didn’t want it. When I realized how much I cared for you I knew I wanted you as my mate. I also realized how much you would balk at the very idea. For that reason I had hoped the bond didn’t happen. I wanted you to stay but I didn’t want you to feel forced. Whether or not you believe it that’s the truth.”

“Can I get up off the floor now?” Crowley asked without meeting Cain’s eyes.

“That was an accident. I’ve never been bonded either, I’m still learning how this works myself, Crowley.”

“Is that a yes or no?” Crowley whispered.

“It’s a yes,” Cain answered. “And if you don’t want to sit with me now I’ll understand.”

Standing Crowley checked the bond trying to get an idea of what Cain was feeling. The only thing he was able to ascertain was that Cain was nervous and wary. Sighing heavily he finally lifted his head and met Cain’s eyes. “So… where do we go from here then?”


	8. Chapter 8

He really did try to control his temper. It wasn’t that Cain had done anything specific to upset him further. Cain had actually gone out of his way to keep from agitating him. Far from calming him this only irritated Crowley. He could feel Cain’s anger and how hard the demon knight was struggling to control it through their bond. Still, a dominant being angry was never a good thing in his experience. Instead of doing the smart thing and adopting a more deferential attitude he exploded. He had a vague notion that if Cain killed him for this then all of his problems would be over but he didn’t dwell on it. Honestly he didn’t really want to die.

Crowley’s rant ended with him insisting on sleeping in his old room. Surprisingly Cain hadn’t objected. A part of him realized that was because Cain would be able to feel Crowley’s fear of being too close to someone that could cause him untold pain. Not ever having experienced someone caring about his well being more than their own Crowley had no idea how to handle Cain’s concern. He responded how he always did when he didn’t understand something. He withdrew, both emotionally and physically, and Cain had let him. Even though it had been his choice Crowley still felt like he’d been abandoned and he didn’t understand why.

Still angry at everything, including himself, Crowley inspected the bed. When he had stormed back up to ‘his’ room he hadn’t brought the quilt back with him. In his time here he had actually grown fond of the quilt. He frowned at that. The quilt had been made by Cain’s former wife. Crowley tried to understand how he felt about that. Oh sod it, Crowley thought. It didn’t matter right now. Right now all that mattered was getting his emotions under control. For some reason with the bond now fully settle his emotions were all over the place. Usually when this happened he suppressed everything and just ignored them. He was no longer able to do that anymore and he couldn’t understand why. It was as if being bonded had stolen his command over his own emotions. Scowling Crowley climbed into the bed and curled up with his arms wrapped around himself. Before he could stop it memories overtook him and he was lost in the past.

_Oh gods he hurt. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. At this point he almost didn’t care if he died he just wanted this to end. From somewhere deep inside he had a vague notion this was wrong but he couldn’t understand why. He hadn’t been fast enough and had been caught. Why wouldn’t this demon hurt him the same as all the others? Still, the vague feeling of wrongness persisted. As another pang of agony washed through him Crowley struggled to break free. It was pointless and he knew it but he couldn’t stand not to try. As his head turned to the side something caught his eye._

_Another demon stood nearby obscured by the dark shadows. The energy emanating from this demon was far beyond that of any other demon Crowley had felt before. He shivered but it wasn’t from fear. For some reason he couldn’t find it in him to be scared of the demon. A fresh wave of pain flooded his senses and Crowley renewed his struggles. Gods he would give anything for this to be over. How could he have let himself be caught again? He couldn’t take anymore and began to wish for death._

Fight it Crowley, _a voice whispered into his mind._

_Crowley froze in shock._

Fight it, _the voice repeated._

_I can’t, Crowley thought back. Help, he pleaded._

You’re not alone Crowley, I’m here. Now fight it.

_Twisting his head Crowley glanced back to the shadowed demon. Help, he thought as loudly as he could. The form didn’t move but Crowley thought he could feel a wave of calmness settling over him._

You. Are not. Alone. Now fight.

_Crowley twisted back to face the demon restraining him. The demon sneered at him but for some reason the look didn’t evoke the same terror it had previously. Was he really just going to lay here and let this demon take whatever it wanted? Was he or wasn’t he a fighter? Taking a deep breath Crowley hit the demon with as much power as he could manage._

“Get! Off!” Crowley shouted. 

Looking down he glared at the demon underneath him. Something was wrong but he couldn’t understand what. Finally he realized this wasn’t the same demon. Blinking in confusion he tried to focus. Finally he recognized the other demon.

“Cain?” Crowley asked dazed.

“It’s me,” Cain answered quietly. “It wasn’t real, it was only an illusion. You’re safe Crowley.”

“No. I mean. I wasn’t…” He trailed off unsure of what it was he was trying to say. Cain made no attempt to move. He merely lay there waiting patiently. Crowley frowned at that thought. Lay there? Finally taking a look around he realized they were both lying on the floor in the bedroom. “Um, how did I get down here?”

“You had a death grip on my arms and rolled us out of the bed,” Cain informed him.

Crowley frowned at that. “What were you even doing in here?” he asked accusingly.

“Covering you,” Cain told him with a sideways nod.

Glancing sideways Crowley spied the quilt he’d left downstairs. He turned back to Cain not sure how to respond to that. Instead of replying he opted to remain silent.

“I did want to check on you but I also did want to make sure you were covered. As soon as I reached the top of the stairs I could feel your anxiety spike. When I opened the door you were pressed against the wall and shaking. When I saw you… The fear I could feel pouring off of you? You’re my mate, I couldn’t _not_ try to help you Crowley.”

Crowley opened his mouth to argue but Cain didn’t give him an opportunity.

“I know, I know,” Cain said dismissively. “You can take care of yourself. It’s not a question of if you can handle yourself Crowley. You’ve done well taking care of yourself so far. I know you’re fully capable of handling yourself no matter what gets thrown at you. I know you don’t need the help. It’s just that a dominant feels a compulsion to do everything they can to protect their mate. It’s almost impossible for us to ignore. In a very literal sense ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’.”

Crowley had no response to that. He wanted to argue but he couldn’t. Crowley knew what he’d been through, he lived it. Cain was just now learning about Crowley’s history. If the demon knight did have a pull to protect him this had to be difficult for him to experience. Crowley’s past wasn’t bland to say the least. 

“How much do you get?” he whispered.

“If I’m not touching you I don’t get anything except your stronger emotions.”

“And if you’re touching me?”

“Don’t do this Crowley.”

“If you’re touching me?” Crowley insisted.

“Occasionally I can get flashes of your stronger memories,” Cain said quietly. 

Crowley shoved himself up and scrambled backwards stumbling slightly as his feet tangled in the quilt briefly. Cain got his memories? Crowley wasn’t sure how to deal with that. He didn’t want anyone to know even half of the things he’d been through. What if Cain decided to hurt him in similar ways? What if Cain viewed him as weak because he couldn’t stop any of it? What if Cain wanted to _talk_ about it? Panicked, Crowley suddenly found it difficult to breath.

“Crowley?” Cain asked sharply as he stood.

Crowley took several steps backward. When he hit a wall Crowley pressed himself against it and tensed. He wanted to flee but he couldn’t make his legs work. It was getting more difficult to breath by the second and his mind was racing with all manner of possible outcomes, each one worse than the previous. 

“Crowley,” Cain stated cautiously.

Crowley shook his head. 

“Let me help you Crowley. I won’t do anything without your permission I swear. Please let me help you.”

Crowley shook his head again.

“Okay then,” Cain agreed. “If you’re not going to let me help you then you need to help yourself. You’re going to pass out if you don’t slow down your breathing. I need you to focus on breathing in and out slowly.”

“Can’t,” Crowley gasped.

“I won’t do anything without your permission I promise. I can help if you just let me in Crowley. I just want to help you breath easier. That’s it okay?”

Still struggling to breathe Crowley eyed the demon knight warily. Could he do it, he wondered. Could he willingly let Cain into his mind? Fear of what Cain would do with the information he found there made it infinitely difficult for him to agree. 

“I just want to help you breath baby,” Cain said quietly. “Please?”

Crowley watched Cain carefully. Despite the fact that Cain could have forced his way into Crowley’s mind he was respecting Crowley’s wishes instead of imposing his own will. Crowley could definitely feel Cain’s desire to assert his own will but the demon knight continued to restrain himself. If Cain could stop the thoughts racing through his mind and the panic threatening to consume him then maybe he should agree… 

“Please,” Crowley managed to whisper. “Please help?”

Instead of crossing the room to get to him Cain blinked next to Crowley. Wrapping his arms around Crowley Cain pulled him closer and held him tightly. Calmness washed over him and Crowley tried to cling onto it. It felt odd to be immersed in an emotion not his own but he didn’t worry overly much about that. Desperately he clung onto the imposed calmness and tried to claim it as his own. Suddenly he was struck by an image of a woman. The image disappeared almost as instantly as it appeared. Still breathing heavily Crowley frowned. He didn’t have long to think about it before other images flashed through his mind. Crowley jerked backward. Cain loosened his arms to allow Crowley to move and the images stopped just as suddenly as they’d begun.

“What the hell was that?” Crowley demanded.

“What was what?” Cain asked.

“Those… Those… flashes!”

Cain eyed Crowley curiously. “Flashes?”

“The images. Who was that woman? I know I’ve seen her before but I just can’t remember where. Then there were people I know I’ve never seen and, and…” Crowley waved a hand trying to find a way to say what he meant. “Feelings,” he finally spat out.

“What did the woman look like?” Cain asked quietly.

Frowning Crowley tried to conjure up the image of her. “High cheekbones, dark hair, simple dress. I’m sure I’ve seen her but I can’t remember where.”

Cain’s head dropped and his hands fell away from Crowley’s shoulders. “I know where,” he answered.

“Really?” Crowley asked.

Cain nodded, held out a hand, and snapped his fingers. A picture frame appeared in the outstretched hand. Without a word he silently handed the picture frame to Crowley. Crowley took it and inspected it carefully. The woman in the picture was indeed the same woman he’d seen in his vision. There was a name printed at the bottom of the picture frame. Colette. Suddenly everything began to click. Colette, Cain’s wife. That had to mean the images he’d seen he had gotten from Cain Crowley realized horrified. Would Cain be upset? Would he be angry? Would he hurt Crowley for prying into his past? 

“I can feel your anxiety spiking again,” Cain whispered. “If you’re worried about getting things from me then don’t. First it’s not anything you can help, it’s just the bond. Second I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. You’re welcomed to look on purpose if you’d like.”

Crowley shook his head and glanced away. He wasn’t ready to be that open with Cain himself and couldn’t ask that of the demon knight, mate or not. Maybe one day he would feel more comfortable digging through Cain’s mind deliberately but he wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy just yet. “Maybe later, but for now…” Crowley trailed off.

“Understood,” Cain answered. “Just remember whenever you’re ready you’re welcome to whatever you find.”

Crowley nodded silently.

“I should probably return the picture and go back to my own room now,” Cain said quietly.

“No,” Crowley stated loudly, surprising even himself. “I, I mean…” He paused unsure what he meant to say for the moment. Glancing down he eyed the picture still in his hand. His eyes slid shut. “Can you stay?” he whispered.

For a while all was quiet. Finally Crowley felt a soft tug on the picture frame he was still holding. Loosening his grip he allowed Cain to slowly pull it from his hands. A few seconds later an arm wrapped lightly around his waist. Still with his eyes closed Crowley leaned forward and let himself rest against Cain. Cain’s other arm came up to wrap around him as well.

“Stay?” Crowley asked again.

“If that’s what you really want then yeah, Crowley, I can stay.”

“Yeah, stay.”

“You got it.”

As Cain’s arms loosened Crowley opened his eyes. Cain led him to the bed and laid him down carefully. Crowley watched as Cain retrieved the quilt and covered him. When Cain turned and started to sit down in the chair next to the bed Crowley grabbed his arm. As Cain turned back to him Crowley shook his head.

“Not the chair. Stay in the bed with me?”

Cain hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“Sure,” Crowley confirmed.

With a nod Cain climbed into the bed and laid stiffly near the edge. For what seemed like several long moments they both lay there silently. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Finally Crowley rolled over onto his side and threw and arm awkwardly over Cain’s chest. A few seconds later Cain raised a hand and rested it on Crowley’s arm. Finally feeling relaxed Crowley drifted into a peaceful sleep.

-

_Crowley blinked several times trying to understand what he was seeing. He was kneeling on the floor of a wood cabin, an injured woman in his arms. It took a while for him to recognize the woman in his arms. It was Colette and a dagger was sticking out of her chest. Crowley recognized the blade in her chest and suddenly knowledge of what must have happened filled his mind instantly._

_“No, Colette! Colette, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I will find Abaddon, and I will kill her.”_

_A shaky hand rose and settled unsteadily on his wrist. Even knowing it wasn’t his wrist Crowley still flinched. It still felt real enough even though he knew this wasn’t one of his memories._

_“No, there's been enough killing. Promise me. You're better than all of this,” Colette gasped._

_As strong as his desire to kill Abaddon was he couldn’t deny his love’s request. Colette’s voice called for him to agree from somewhere deep inside. It was almost impossible to ignore the pull of it. It was that instant that Crowley realized Cain hadn’t been fully honest with him. Cain claimed he had never been bonded before but that wasn’t quite true. Even if she’d been human and couldn’t bond back as well Cain had been bonded to Colette._

_Suddenly the image shifted and he found himself standing outside. A dark haired boy knelt in front of a robed figure. While he couldn’t see anything of the figure Crowley could feel the energy radiating off of the figure. Just the feel of the energy made him cringe. Even without seeing the other figure at all Crowley knew it was evil. What he couldn’t understand was the expression on the other person’s face. Suddenly his mind supplied him with the name. Abel. It was Cain’s brother._

Abel wasn't talking to God. He was talking to Lucifer. Lucifer was gonna make my brother into his pet, I couldn't bear to watch him be corrupted…

_In that instant Crowley could feel Cain making up his mind to do everything he could to protect his brother. There was no way he would let whatever evil was tempting his brother to sink its claws into Abel. It was his job to protect his brother no matter what it took. Slowly the robed figure turned and met his gaze. The figure seemed to be made of nothing more than light and energy and yet, somehow, he knew it was staring directly at him. Before anything more could happen Crowley felt the world around him shift once again._

 _The images that came next flashed past so fast it was hard to catch them all. The bits he did catch unnerved Crowley. They were filled with blood and pain, screaming and terror. Crowley tried to turn away but nowhere was safe. Every time he turned away from one atrocity another took its place. Somehow he knew he was to blame for all the suffering he saw. Unable to take how it made him feel Crowley desperately sought for an escape._

Blinking rapidly and breathing heavily Crowley found himself sitting up and staring at a wall not quite understanding where he was or what had just happened. Slowly his breathing returned to normal. Turning he looked down at the sleeping form laying next to him. It finally struck him that it was Cain’s memories he’d been seeing. He’d been so worried about how Cain would see him if he found out about his past he hadn’t stopped to think about Cain’s past. Gods, the pain he’d felt coming from his mate hurt almost more than he could stand, especially when that red headed whore had caused him to accidentally stab Colette.

Crowley had already made the decision to kill Abaddon. He decided to amend his previous plans now. Not only would he kill the evil bitch he would make her suffer for what she’d done to his mate. Cain was his and he would be damned before he let someone get away with causing his mate that much pain. Laying down gingerly so as not to jostle his mate Crowley put an arm over Cain and snuggled up around him. Carefully he placed a light kiss on the top of Cain’s cheek and nuzzled against his neck.

“Everything will be fine mate. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again,” Crowley promised.

While he had never actively attempted to send something through the bond he made an effort to do so now. He pulled on calm he didn’t truly feel and and tried his best to send it to Cain. While he kept trying to soothe his mate Crowley continued to snuggle with him. With everything he’d been through he couldn’t stand the thought of Cain having to suffer alone. Cain had gone above and beyond to ensure that Crowley felt comfortable and safe, Crowley could do no less for his mate.

-

Opening his eyes Cain yawned and stretched. It took a few seconds for him to realize he’d actually fallen asleep outside of his own room. Usually he never allowed himself to sleep unless he was safely in his own room. Even though he didn’t need sleep he almost always chose to do so. As painful as it was, it was also the only time he could interact with Colette. Most of the time it was difficult for him to remember everything about her now. As hard as he tried to remember some of the smaller memories kept slipping away. He wasn’t prepared to give up the dreams just yet but they always left him sentimental and a touch maudlin. 

He actually felt surprisingly good this morning. While it was strange he wasn’t going to ruin the mood by questioning it. Smiling softly he turned his head and stopped moving. Crowley was lying next to him watching him carefully. Oh please don’t let me have a had a dream. It was more than just not wanting to share those memories with anyone. It was his job to protect his submissive. If he’d had a dream and Crowley had gotten memories from his past he had no idea how Crowley would handle that information. 

If Crowley felt like he couldn’t measure up to Colette’s memory then it would only make him more defensive and harder to handle. It wasn’t that Colette meant more to him. He cared about both of them equally but differently. As much as he’d loved Colette she was human and couldn’t bond with him. There were things they couldn’t share and he’d always been a bit sad because of that. In many ways it was easier to be with her solely because of her genuinely good personality. It was also easier for him to hide the worst of himself and his desires from her since she couldn’t bond back with him. Because of the bond he wouldn’t be able to hide even the smallest thing from Crowley should he choose to look.

“You’re thinking way too hard for someone who just woke up,” Crowley murmured before snuggling closer and laying his head on Cain’s chest.

“Yeah, I uh….”

“Mm, ready for breakfast?” Crowley asked.

“Um…” 

“Only, I want to cook today,” Crowley told him finally sitting.

In all his time here Crowley had never once cooked anything. Cain wasn’t sure if he even knew how to cook. “What?” he asked completely stunned.

“Take your time getting up, I’m making breakfast today,” Crowley told him.

Without another word Crowley crawled out of the bed and stripped off his shirt. Reaching into the dresser he dug out the only other ‘daily wear’ shirt he had here. Slipping it over his head he pulled it down and straightened it. Looking back he caught Cain’s eye and smiled briefly before leaving the bedroom. Cain stared at the bedroom door thoroughly confused. 

-

Crowley had a plan. He was actually in a fairly good mood. Instead of scrambling for some way to recover hell he actually had a plan figured out and ready to implement. There were still people to talk to and things that might require fine tuning but he could handle that. Right now all that mattered was taking care of his mate. Breakfast first, insurgency later. Humming Crowley flipped the bacon so it would cook evenly. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed cooking before now. He used to cook just to relax before hell had gone to… well, hell. While he cooked he began to whistle. 

He was almost finished cooking by the time Cain made it downstairs. He ignored the wary feeling he was getting through the bond. It was completely understandable that Cain would be a bit confused by this sudden change in attitude. Hopefully he would be able to set Cain’s mind at ease with the discussion he was planning on having during breakfast. Crowley hummed as he set the last of the food on the table and went to retrieve the plates. He smiled to himself as Cain opened the cabinets and pulled out two glasses. Just maybe bonding with Cain wouldn’t turn out to be as bad as he initially thought. 

The anger he’d felt after seeing Colette’s death had been profoundly intense. Crowley had actually felt the emotion as his own temporarily. He knew exactly how badly Cain wanted Abaddon dead. At the time Crowley had wanted to kill her every bit as much. When Colette had asked Cain not kill her Crowley had raged. That was an unfair request in his opinion. Then again, Cain was the one that made the promise, not him. Crowley could, and had decided he would, kill the bitch that caused his mate that much pain. Submissive didn’t mean docile and Abaddon was about to learn the difference between the two viscerally.

“Crowley?” Cain asked when they were both seated at the table.

“Hm?” Crowley hummed in response.

“What are you thinking about right now?”

“I’d like to discuss things after we’re done eating if you don’t mind.” 

“Then why did you decide to cook today?” 

Crowley shrugged. “I like cooking so I just decided to make breakfast.”

“You like cooking breakfast,” Cain stated almost accusatory.

Crowley frowned at the question before answering. “I like cooking in general.”

“Why have you never offered to cook before?”

“You never really gave me a chance to offer anything. Everything was pretty much your way or the highway.”

“I’m sorry about my attitude when you first arrived but I couldn’t stand to see you throwing away everything. You were the best thing that happened to hell in-”

“I actually have plans to discuss hell later. Can we wait to talk about that?”

It was Cain’s turn to frown. “What happened Crowley? You’re different now.”

“I have a plan to take back hell now,” Crowley answered offhandedly. “I’m always more focused when I have a plan. It’s part of what I wanted to discuss later. For now why don’t we just finish breakfast?”

They ate in silence. Crowley smiled as he watched Cain from the corner of his eye. While Cain usually finished everything that was on his plate this time he seemed to be enjoying the food more than normal. It was his food Cain was scarfing down, Crowley thought happily. That thought pleased him more then he expected. While he enjoyed cooking and it relaxed him he had never cooked for another. This was the first time anyone else had ever eaten his cooking and he found himself feeling proud of how much Cain seemed to be enjoying it. When they finished eating Crowley gathered the dishes and started to stack them. Cain caught his hand and stopped him. Crowley turned and raised a questioning eyebrow.

“You cooked, I’ll do dishes,” Cain told him.

“You did dishes yesterday,” Crowley reminded him.

“Yep, but you cooked today. I’ll get the dishes today and cook tomorrow. You can do the dishes then.”

A bit bemused Crowley agreed and made his way to the living room. Instead of his normal chair he sat down on the couch and waited. Through the bond he couldn’t quite get solid images as he had when they’d been lying together but he could get some of Cain’s stronger feelings. For the most part Cain seemed to feel fairly contented. Good, Crowley thought. He didn’t think what he was fixing tell the demon knight was going to go over well. At least with Cain starting in a good mood things might go more smoothly. Finally Cain finished the dishes and made his way into the living room. After a brief hesitation Cain sat on the far edge of the couch and waited.

“I have a plan to take back hell,” he announced.

Cain cocked his head and waited some more.

“I know how much you hate her but I have to be the one to kill Abaddon,” Crowley stated bluntly. He waited for the inevitable argument but Cain remained silent. Crowley frowned at that and continued. “If I’m going to recover control of hell it has to be me to kill her. I already have a plan I just need to talk to a few people.”

“You don’t have the power to kill her Crowley. Only the first blade or possibly God could accomplish that.”

“I know of a way to incapacitate her. While she’s unable to defend herself I plan on chopping her into tiny pieces and spreading her across the planet.” 

Cain remained silent for a long while before answering. “Understood,” he consented.

“What?” Crowley asked slightly shocked.

“I agree. I know what hell is like Crowley. If you don’t take her out on your own then you’ll lose the respect of too many other demons. You’ll have a rebellion on your hands. That would serve nothing except to place you in even more danger. I agree that you must be the one to remove her from the picture. Besides, with our past, if I were to get too close to her…”

“I think I should tell you something,” Crowley said quietly. “Last night, when we were laying together, I caught some of you memories,” Crowley told Cain as he dropped his gaze down to his lap and fidgeted.

“And some of them were of Colette,” Cain finished flatly.

“Yes,” he admitted. Crowley wasn’t sure how Cain felt about that information. He wanted to check through the bond but he was also worried about how Cain would view that level of intrusion. Cain didn’t discuss his dead wife and Crowley had respected him enough not to ask about those potentially painful memories. 

“I didn’t look on purpose,” Crowley explained. “I was asleep when the memories came through and I didn’t even know what they were at first.”

“It’s fine, I told you that you were welcomed to look,” Cain grumbled as he stood.

Crowley frowned. He wasn’t sure what to believe. Cain’s words didn’t match his actions or the emotions Crowley felt through the bond. “I really am sorry,” Crowley apologized. Cain waved away the apology but didn’t reply. “I can feel your discomfort. If you’re angry about what happened then just hurt me now and have done with it,” Crowley growled as he stood.

Cain stopped pacing instantly and stood stock still for several moments. Crowley couldn’t discern what he was feeling through the bond exactly. The emotions he got through the bond were coming through in a jumble but under everything was a persistent rage. No matter, he thought. If Cain was pissed off at him for an accident then so be it. Crowley straightened and raised his chin defiantly. Finally Cain turned back to face him.

“It’s not you,” Cain said quietly. “I just… When I remember what she did…” 

“Abaddon?” Crowley guessed.

“Yes. When I think about what you had to have seen or sensed…” Cain waved a hand distractedly. “I don’t mean to say you’re not welcomed to look but I worry. I loved Colette with all my heart. I never thought I would find anyone I would ever care for half that much again. When I started to fall for you I realized how inaccurate that sentiment was. I care for you every bit as much as I cared for her but in a different way. Now you’re telling me you want to go up against the same demon that killed her. As much as I know it’s necessary it’s still hard to accept that I can’t do anything to help you. Then when I think about what she did… Damn it Crowley! It’s not your fault but just the thought of her…” 

“Fine,” Crowley announced. “Then we’re just going to have to do something to get her off of your mind.”

“This isn’t some damned game Crowley!”

“No it’s not,” Crowley agreed. Stalking forward he stood directly in front of Cain and stared up at him challengingly, daring him to do something about it. 

“Don’t provoke me Crowley, not right now. My anger at what she did is still too close to the surface. If you push my buttons on purpose-”

Crowley didn’t wait for Cain to finish. Reaching up he grabbed Cain’s shoulders and spun them both. Taking several steps backward Crowley slammed his own back into a wall. Cain was thrown forward and their bodies pressed firmly together. Without giving Cain time to regain his senses Crowley drew him down and kissed him hard.

Reaching up Cain put his hands on Crowley’s shoulders and held him in place as he growled and drew back breaking the kiss. “Enough! I’m serious Crowley, I can’t be easy this time!”

“So who’s asking for easy?” Crowley growled back leaning in for another kiss.

This time it was Cain that spun them around. He shoved Crowley backward so roughly Crowley lost his footing and hit the ground hard. Scowling Crowley raised his hand and snapped his fingers. His clothes disappeared instantly. Cain snarled wordlessly and backed away several steps. Crowley stood up and advanced on the demon knight. “You said it yourself, it’s your job to take care of me. I need this now. Are you really going to deny me something I need without a valid reason?”

“I told you, I can’t be easy!”

“I told you, who’s asking for easy?” Crowley shot back.

“I won’t hurt you on purpose,” Cain argued.

“Then stop resisting me,” Crowley countered. “You’re not hurting me if you’re only giving me what I’m asking for. I can feel how much you want me. Go ahead, try to deny it.”

“It’s not a matter of if I want you.”

“Agreed. It’s a matter of whether or not you’re willing to give me what I want.”

Cain took another step backward and Crowley stepped forward. He understood Cain’s reservations but he really did need this. He hoped this would help Cain forget his anger at Abaddon for a while but that was only a secondary motive. He didn’t understand where the sudden need had come from but it didn’t matter. He really, really, did need this. “You told me I’m welcomed to look through the bond anytime I want. _You_ look through it and see if I’m not telling the truth. I. Want. This.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Cain said quietly.

Stepping into Cain’s personal space Crowley stared unblinking into Cain’s eyes. “If you don’t do this _that_ will be the only way you could hurt me right now,” Crowley told him honestly.

Cain raised a hand and cupped Crowley’s cheek. “Are you sure about this?”

“Feel me through the bond,” Crowley told him closing his eyes.

Even though there was no physical feeling Crowley could somehow sense when Cain touched their bond and tapped into his feelings. A soft smile formed on his lips as Crowley relaxed into the feeling. He had a brief notion that he should be terrified of being this open to another but for some reason it felt oddly soothing.

“Hell have mercy on me. You really do want this, don’t you?”

Crowley shook his head. “Not want, need.” There was the sound of a snap and Crowley suddenly found himself laying on something soft. Crowley opened his eyes and looked at his mate propped up above him. “Cain?”

“Mate?” Cain answered.

“Just make sure I stay here with you. Make sure I don’t slip back. I need to know…”

“I won’t ever let you forget where you are. You’re mine now, not anyone else's.”

Smiling, Crowley nodded and the demon knight growled. Leaning down Cain crushed their lips together as he kissed Crowley forcefully. Arching his back Crowley pressed his chest against Cain’s and moaned into the kiss. When the kiss finally broke Crowley felt strong hands pressing his shoulders against the bed and his eyes shot open. _Cain,_ he reminded himself. _He won’t hurt me._ Cain stared at him thoughtfully for a while.

“Move,” Cain growled suddenly shifting until he was no longer laying over Crowley.

Without arguing Crowley shifted until he was kneeling on the bed. Cain lay down on his back and turned to face him. Crowley eyed him questionably.

“I want you on top,” Cain told him. “You know what you want. Take it.”

Crowley shook his head. “I want you inside,” he whispered.

“I know what you want baby. Just because you’re taking charge doesn’t mean you can’t have that Crowley,” Cain told him softly. 

“You trust me to be in charge of this?” Crowley asked skeptically.

“I trust you with my life,” Cain answered.

The sheer honesty in that voice struck a chord somewhere deep inside of Crowley and he shivered. “Mine,” Crowley growled as he moved until he was settled between Cain’s legs. It had been many years since he’d done this of his own accord and he wasn’t sure if he could even manage it. Still, he was determined to try. Taking a deep breath he leaned down and took Cain into his mouth. Cain inhaled sharply and his hips bucked upward. Crowley’s eyes watered as almost choked. His mind threatened to drag him back into the past for a second.

“Gods Crowley,” Cain moaned.

The sound of Cain’s voice help keep him anchored in the present. As he moved slowly up and then back down Crowley tentatively opened himself up to the bond. A wave of desire and pleasure like he’d never known washed over him and his muscles relaxed. He’d never felt this good during sex before. He couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like when Cain was finally inside of him. As he shifted his eyes upward they met Cain’s eyes. He held Cain’s gaze as he ran his tongue slowly from the base to the tip of Cain’s cock. Cain shivered and Crowley grinned before he turned all his attention back to making Cain feel good.

“Damn it Crowley, so perfect,” Cain moaned.

Emboldened by Cain’s words and the feelings he was getting through the bond Crowley tightened his lips and sucked firmly all the way up the shaft. Cain shifted in pleasure making beautiful sounds that only served to amp up Crowley’s own needs. Slowly Crowley slid his way up Cain’s body until he was sitting on Cain’s hips.

“You ready for this?” Crowley asked.

Cain shook his head. “Prep,” he panted.

“I am a demon, love. I can just will myself ready,” Crowley told him, eager to get started.

Cain shook his head again. Grabbing Crowley’s thighs Cain flipped them until Crowley was lying on his back. “I want to stretch you,” Cain growled. “I want to feel you. I want to watch you writhing against the bed and _know_ it’s because of me.”

Shivering Crowley nodded frantically. “Yes,” he breathed.

When the first finger entered him Crowley arched his back and inhaled sharply. Through their bond he could feel how much Cain was enjoying this as well which only served to boost his own desires more. Gods this felt amazing. Unable to hold still Crowley moved back and forth trying to encourage Cain to press harder. Cain sitting between his legs kept Crowley from being able to shift too much in any direction and Crowley whined in frustration.

“Sh baby, all in good time.”

“More,” Crowley insisted.

“Are you sure you’re ready for more?”

“Gods yes! Another, now!” Cain inserted a second finger and Crowley’s thrashing increased. “Oh gods yes,” he groaned. “Harder.”

“Anything you want baby.”

As Cain continued to stretch him Crowley continued trying to press down onto the finger harder. It seemed to take forever before Cain added a third finger. Waiting for Cain to feel satisfied that he was ready felt like it took an eternity.

“I can’t take anymore. Need you now,” Crowley demanded.

“Need you too baby,” Cain replied breathlessly. 

Crowley knew just how true those words were. He could feel every bit of Cain’s need intertwining with his own. Cain moved out from in between Crowley’s legs and laid back against the bed, limbs spread out in a manner that invited Crowley to take anything he pleased. In spite of his earlier reservations Crowley intended to do just that.

Climbing on top of Cain Crowley settled on his thighs. Taking Cain’s penis into his right hand he willed lube into existence between the two body parts. Maintaining eye contact with Cain Crowley slowly ran his hand up and down several times. Before too long both of them were too worked up to remain still. Leaning forward Crowley put his hands on the mattress and positioned his hips until he was able to line up just right. Slowly he pressed backwards. A deep moan escaped his lips and his eyes fluttered closed as he pressed himself all the way down.

“Fuck,” Cain whispered.

“Mm hm,” Crowley hummed, already too far gone to form words.

When he was all the way down and firmly settled against Cain’s hips Cain’s fingers tightened almost painfully on his own hips. Crowley reveled in the feeling. He rocked back and forth a few times just enjoying the sensation. Slowly, leisurely, he raised himself until just the tip remained inside then, without warning, he slammed back down. Gripping the headboard he repeated the process. Both Crowley and Cain groaned at the same time.

Crowley held that position and continued fucking himself that way until the need to be closer to Cain overwhelmed him. At this point he couldn’t even tell if the need was Cain’s or his own desire. At this point he didn’t really care. Letting go of the headboard he leaned down and pressed his body firmly against Cain’s. Cain reached up and gripped onto the back of Crowley’s shoulders. Crowley tilted his head and bit down into the juncture of Cain’s neck. By the time he was too far gone to hold back he bit down harder and thought he could taste blood. Cain’s nails scratched down Crowley’s back from his shoulders to his waist and finally Crowley was unable to hold on any longer. 

Breathing heavily Crowley flopped onto his back and winced. The scratches on his back stung but in his current state the slight pain bled into pleasure. Gods that had been the best sex he’d had in… ever he realized. Never before had fucking anyone felt so good. He was dimly aware that at least part of what he was feeling was still Cain’s emotions radiating through the bond but he honestly didn’t give a fuck. Right now he was just happy to revel in the emotions and snuggle up next to his mate.

“Crowley?” Cain panted still sounding breathless.

“Mmm?” Crowley hummed distractedly.

“You okay?” Cain asked.

“Mm hm,” Crowley hummed again grinning this time.

“Turn over baby.”

“I’m not sure if I’m up for a round two,” Crowley murmured.

“I just want to tend to the scratches baby, that’s all.”

“What about your neck?” Crowley asked. “I did break the skin.”

Cain waved off his concern. “It’s not life threatening.”

“Neither is my back,” Crowley pointed out.

“I’d rather tend to the injuries but if you’d rather heal them…” 

Cocking his head Crowley inspected Cain carefully. “If I heal them you don’t have to worry about taking care of them,” he said slowly. Cain didn’t look up and suddenly Crowley understood exactly what Cain wasn’t saying. The scratches were marks of possession. As much as Cain wanted to doctor them Cain also wanted him to keep them. Crowley’s eyes drifted to the bite mark near Cain’s collarbone. How would he feel if Cain wanted to heal the bite? He finally understood how Cain felt. Instead of replying he turned over and laid on his stomach.


	9. Chapter 9

Dressed in his suit Crowley ran his hands down the jacket to make sure it was settled just right and lint free. He figured it would be best to start wearing his suits again, at least when he wasn’t at home. That thought gave him pause. He had never really considered anywhere home before. Was Cain’s house ‘home’? Smiling slightly he realized he did indeed think of Cain’s house as home. Taking a few steadying breaths he prepared himself. When he was as good as he felt he was going to get he strode forward. The sooner he got started the sooner he could finish for today and go home. Walking up to the door he plastered on his best grin, knocked and waited. When the door opened Bella eyed him appraisingly and crossed her arms.

“Bella,” Crowley greeted.

“I know you Crowley, cut the fake charm and tell me why you’re here.”

“That hurts Bella. Since when has my charm ever been fake when it comes to someone as lovely as you?” Bella tapped her foot and continued to wait. “Okay, I might actually want something but you are also looking especially lovely today.”

“Uh huh. You better come in, this sounds like it might take a while for you to actually get to the point,” she told him taking a step back to give him room to enter.

Crowley suppressed a smile as he entered. If Bella was angry with him she would have already gone on the offensive. He had been fairly sure they were still on decent terms when she’d opened the door instead of attacking first. Still it was nice to be sure, he thought to himself as he stepped inside. From the corner of his eye he spied the other demon. Daniel, her mate, he reminded himself. Crowley nodded in greeting and moved to the nearest chair. With a glance to Bella he waited. When she gave a go ahead nod he finally sat.

-

“So are we all settled then?” Crowley asked.

“For now,” Bella answered. “I warn you though, if Daniel gets injured because of this even your mate won’t be able to save you.”

Crowley shifted his gaze to Bella’s mate and he inspected him carefully. How would he feel if it was Cain who could potentially be injured? Crowley didn’t have to imagine how he would feel, he knew. He’d felt Cain’s pain when Abaddon had tricked him into stabbing Colette. “Understood,” he acknowledged with a nod. “If you wouldn’t mind I would like a word with Daniel before I leave.”

“Why?” Bella asked instantly suspicious.

“Bella,” Daniel murmured. “Would you mind terribly if I borrowed Crowley to help me make some tea?”

“You don’t know Crowley like I know him,” Bella cautioned.

“I know he wants our help,” Daniel countered. “He wouldn’t do anything that might jeopardize that.”

Bella was silent as she inspected Crowley fixedly. “Fine,” she finally agreed. “Just don’t take too long.”

“We won’t,” Daniel promised. “Come on,” Daniel said with a smack to Crowley’s shoulder. “Let’s go make some tea.”

Crowley cast one last glance back to Bella before following Daniel into the kitchen. Standing in the doorway Crowley watched as Daniel began the preparations for tea. Crowley was glad that after everything Bella had found someone who made her happy. 

“You wanted to talk?” Daniel asked without turning around.

“How did you come to terms with someone else having control over your life?”

“She doesn’t control me, not like you’re thinking. She keeps me grounded. She makes sure I have what I need, not just physically but emotionally as well. She doesn’t control me anymore than I control her.”

“But she can order you around, tell you what to do,” Crowley argued. 

“She could,” Daniel agreed. “I won’t deny that occasionally happens but it’s actually more rare than you’d think.” Daniel paused and watched Crowley for a while before continuing. “I understand,” he said quietly.

“Understand what?” Crowley asked stiffening instantly. 

“You’re mated to Cain, the Father of Murder, one of the most dominant demons of all time if not _the_ most dominant. It’s not too hard to figure out he’s the dominant in the relationship.”

“And?”

Daniel shrugged. “And I’m the submissive in my relationship. If anyone knows some of what you’ve been through it’d be me. Can I tell you something?”

Listening Crowley nodded. 

“When I first got with Bella I didn’t think she would ever understand half of the things I’d been through. I was wrong. If there’s one piece of advice I could give you it’s trust in the bond. If something happens and you need to tell Cain but you can’t for whatever reason get the words out trust in the bond. The bond exists solely to help the two connected. Trust in the bond and it won’t let you down.”

“I’ve, uh… been getting memories from him,” Crowley whispered.

“Every bonded pair has that ability.”

“How do I stop from sharing something I don’t want shared?”

The teapot began to whistle and Daniel sighed. Turning he moved the kettle off the stove and gathered three teacups. After a short pause he turned back to Crowley. “With practice you’ll be able to control it better most of the time.”

“Most of the time,” Crowley repeated flatly.

Daniel hesitated slightly before answering. “There isn’t a lot you can do to prevent that if you are ever unconscious. The bond doesn’t stop to think about whether or not we want to share certain things. It exists solely to help us understand our mate better. It’s not a thinking thing so it doesn’t worry about what it shares just that our mate has access to our deepest memories. In order to keep it from sharing things you have to find some way to control it that works for you. I can’t help you find out how to do that but you’re mate should be able to help.”

“Great,” Crowley grumbled. Of course everything would lead back to Cain.

“Daniel,” Bella called from the living room.

“Everything will work out Crowley. You just have to trust in the bond,” Daniel told him.

-

Pulling out his cell Crowley dialled Castiel’s number from memory and waited. If Castiel had made it back to the bunker and the other angel hadn’t killed him it would make things infinitely easier. Castiel could help smooth things between Crowley and the brothers. Castiel finally answered after the third ring.

_“Hello?”_

“Castiel,” Crowley greeted. “So good to hear your voice. Anything interesting been happening lately?”

_“Crowley?”_

“The one and only. I see you’re still alive and kicking. Tell me, did you manage to make it back to the bunker?” Castiel was silent for so long Crowley frowned at his phone. “Castiel?”

_“I need your help,”_ Castiel finally stated.

“Excuse me?”

_“The angel possessing Sam isn’t who he said he was. I could use your help getting the angel out of him.”_

Castiel needed his help? No, more than that, the Winchesters needed his help. This could prove to be useful. 

_“Crowley?”_

“Where are you?”

_“Lebanon. Where are you?”_

“Doesn’t matter where I was,” Crowley answered, blinking to just behind Castiel. Clearing his throat Crowley tapped the angel on the shoulder. “I see you’ve gotten your Grace back,” Crowley stated casually after Castiel had turned to face him.

“Not exactly,” Castiel muttered.

Crowley cocked an eyebrow at that. Castiel turned and made his way to one of the ugliest cars Crowley had ever seen. “What. Is. That?”

“My car,” Castiel answered sounding slightly confused. 

“Barring the fact you appear to have the worst taste in vehicles I’ve ever seen, why would you even need one?”

“This Grace isn’t actually mine, it’s more of what you might call borrowed. I don’t want to waste it if I’m going up against another angel soon.”

“Bloody hell, borrowed Grace?” Seriously?”

“It’s not ideal but it’s better than nothing,” Castiel announced.

Crowley rolled his eyes and opened the passenger door.

-

By the time they arrived at the bunker Crowley was positive of two things. One, Castiel should never be allowed to drive again. Ever. And two, if they had to go anywhere else he was damn well blinking them there. If the angel hadn’t been adamant about not leaving the car behind Crowley would have already done just that.

“Where did you even learn to drive?” Crowley complained as he exited the car.

“Taught myself,” Castiel answered.

“Figures,” Crowley muttered. “Let’s get this show on the road then.”

The two of them started towards the bunker together. When they reached the door Castiel gave Crowley and inquisitive glance but Crowley shooed the angel onward. Raising a hand Castiel knocked and the two of them waited. When the door finally opened they were greeted by the older Winchester. Dean’s face ran through a myriad of expressions as he took in the pair before he finally settled on scowling at Crowley.

“What do you want Crowley?” Dean grumbled. 

“Lovely to see you too Squirrel. I hear Wings here isn’t the only one that’s been having a spot of angel trouble.”

“You told Crowley?” Dean asked turning back to Castiel.

“I figured we could use his help. I’m not exactly at my best right now. If he’s willing to help then why not take advantage of that?”

“I would actually like to see the patient before making any commitments,” Crowley cut in.

“Can it Crowley,” Dean snapped. 

“In all fairness I actually can’t make any promises until I do check in on him.”

“And we’re supposed to just trust you?”

“Do you happen to have another plan up your sleeve that you haven’t shared with me just yet?”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupted. “I’m not at full power. If Crowley can do anything to help we need to let him try.”

“If he does anything to hurt Sam-” Dean began.

“Dead, yes I know,” Crowley answered. “Trust me Dean, if I really wanted to do anything to you or your brother I wouldn’t lock myself in there with two angels who would have no problems smiting me in a heartbeat. If you would be so kind as to move slightly I believe we can actually get started. So shall we?”

Crossing his arms Dean stepped back to allow them room to enter. Crowley and Castiel entered and Dean shut the door behind them. As the three of them headed down the stairs Crowley felt the presence of the second angel just before he saw it. Technically speaking it was Sam he was looking at but he highly doubted the younger Winchester was currently in charge of his body at the moment. To his surprise Crowley also spotted the prophet. Crowley quickly assessed the situation. Kevin, leaning over a table, back to ‘Sam’. The angel possessed Sam cautiously watching Kevin and slowly walking towards the oblivious prophet. There was no way this could end well. Striking out Crowley hit the angel with his powers before blinking between the angel and the prophet.

“Hello Moose not Moose,” Crowley called out. “Now who are you and what are you doing in our Sam?”

The angel growled. “And why should I tell you, demon?”

Crowley shrugged. “It would save us all a lot of unnecessary drama?”

Instead of replying the angel drew on his Grace and prepared to attack. Crowley mentally rolled his eyes and prepared to defend himself. Before either of them could do anything a blast of Grace shot past Crowley and struck the angel throwing him back against the wall. Crowley watched as the angel slumped to the ground. Turning around Crowley cocked an eyebrow at Castiel and waited.

“He was about to attack you,” Castiel grumbled as he brushed past Crowley. “Besides it’ll be easier to restrain him now that he’s unconscious,” Castiel stated as he knelt down and began to inspect Sam Not Sam.

“Well well, Castiel. I didn’t realize you actually cared about my well being.”

“I don’t,” Castiel said glancing back to Crowley. “But if you’re going to help us get the angel out of Sam we’ll need you alive.”

“You always know just what to say to warm the cockles of my shrivelled heart. But, and just as an aside, I haven’t actually agreed to help yet.”

“What do you mean?” Castiel growled as he stood and strode back to Crowley.

“Before we get to that perhaps we should take care of him,” Crowley replied with a nod to the unconscious Sam.

-

“You want the _what?_ ” Dean bellowed. 

“Oh who cares what he wants?” Kevin shouted. “I want my mother back and that’s not going to happen!”

“Well actually,” Crowley began.

“Everyone stop,” Castiel ordered. “We need to consider this carefully.”

“What’s there to think about? You can’t seriously think it’d be a good idea to just hand over something like that to Crowley?” Dean growled.

“It’s not like you won’t get something out of the deal,” Crowley reminded them.

“I vote we say no just on general principle,” Kevin interjected.

“Oh please,” Crowley huffed. “I’ll even throw in a surprise for you too so you don’t feel all left out or anything.”

“Like you have anything I want,” Kevin shot back.

Crowley opened his mouth to reply but Castiel cut him off once again.

“Everyone just stop!” Castiel shouted to be heard over the others. “This is about more than petty revenge.”

“Petty? Excuse me?” Crowley exclaimed exasperated.

“Yes, the three of you seem to be so focused on screwing each other over that you’re all forgetting there’s more at stake then just your revenge.”

“I came here to offer my assistance,” Crowley argued.

“Only if you got what you wanted out of the deal,” Castiel contended.

“I’ve been trying to say something else but _you_ kept cutting me off before I could say anything,” Crowley snapped crossing his arms. “If you would have let me finish I was going to say I could also return Kevin’s mother.”

“You mean her body,” Kevin barked.

“No, if I meant her body I would have said her body. I meant I would return your mother.”

“Okay wait a minute,” Dean broke in. “Crowley are you trying to tell us Kevin’s mother is still alive?”

“For the third time, yes. Does anyone ever listen to me or am I just talking to myself?” Crowley complained.

“Then do it,” Dean demanded.

“He can’t,” Kevin argued. “He’s just lying.”

Crowley ignored the jab. “All I’m saying is if I’m willing to give you two something you both want why shouldn’t I get something out of the deal,” Crowley sulked. “Besides, it’s not like what I want to do with it won’t help you lot as well.”

“It’s what you might do with it afterward that worries me,” Dean grumbled. “But Cass is right. Sam should come first. Fine, I’ll agree to the deal but I’m holding you to your word. Kevin’s mother, alive.”

“Kevin’s mother alive and your Sam, angel free, for the Colt. Deal.” Suddenly Crowley realized something. “Um…” 

“Now what?” Dean grumbled.

Crowley shoved his instant disgust away. He really didn’t want to do this but it was needed if they were going to seal the deal. Might as well just get it over with and have done with it. He waved a hand dismissively. “Nothing big. It’s just that we have to seal the deal to make it binding.”

“Seal the deal? Like you want me to kiss you?” Dean asked incredulously.

“Oh gods no.” Crowley shivered at the very idea. “I definitely do not _want_ to but it is how the magic works.”

“So let’s just shake hands then?” Dean suggested.

Just the thought of kissing someone just to make a deal was enough to almost make him feel ill. Crowley seriously thought about agreeing to shake hands but knew he wouldn’t. He needed to make sure they didn’t find a way to screw him over or wiggle out of the deal. This had been personal from the beginning but after what that bitch Abaddon had done to his mate it went even beyond that now. He needed to ensure they couldn’t back out of their end at all.

.

“No. We have to seal the deal. Besides, I’m a demon. Trust isn’t something I hand out easily. We seal it with the magic or I don’t agree to it.”

Pacing as he listened to Dean and Crowley argue Kevin grew more and more annoyed by the second. It was one stupid kiss, why didn’t they just get it over with so they could move onto more important things? All it would take was a quick peck. It wasn’t like it had to be anything special. If it got him his mom back then what did it matter? Kevin stopped pacing and turned to stare at the two still arguing. What did it matter? Crowley needed a kiss to seal the deal. He didn’t say it had to be from Dean. Turning on his heals he strode over to the pair, grabbed Crowley by the front of his jacket and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

“Deal sealed,” he told Crowley. Letting go of the jacket he punched Crowley. “That’s for letting me think she was dead. Now go get her, I have to go brush my teeth,” he said storming out of the room.

.

Crowley rubbed his jaw where Kevin had hit him. Despite his size the prophet could actually hit pretty hard. Suddenly he noticed something. The bond which had been becoming increasingly agitated at the prospect of kissing Dean had settled down. Crowley wasn’t sure what to make of that. He knew he didn’t have feelings for Dean, or Kevin for that matter. Why would the bond have such a problem with one of them but not the other?

“Crowley?” Castiel asked interrupting his thoughts.

“What?”

“Mrs. Tran?”

“Yeah. I’ll have to, uh, step out of the bunker though,” Crowley said shaking his head to clear it. “Somehow I don’t think you’d appreciate me inviting other demons here.”

-  
Several Hours Later  
-

Sighing heavily Crowley tilted his head back and stared at the stars in the night sky. It was always so much clearer out here. He had never would have noticed that before. If he hadn’t gotten mated Crowley doubted he would have ever noticed anything like that. Enough postponing, he told himself. He was going to have to go in sometime. With another sigh Crowley made his way to the door and entered the house. Slowly he started to make his way to the living room. Before he could finally enter the room Cain made his way out of the kitchen. For a while the two of them stared at each other silently. It was Cain who broke the silence.

“Crowley?”

“Mate?” Crowley answered dropping his head.

“I made dinner,” Cain stated.

Crowley nodded but he was unable to enter the kitchen with Cain still in the doorway.

There was a slight hesitation before Cain asked, “Would you like to talk instead?”

Crowley shook his head. “Later.”

“Can you look at me Crowley?”

“Can you call me baby?”

“Yeah,” Cain said quietly. “Baby? Can you look at me?”

Crowley finally raised his head and met Cain’s eyes. “It really is fine. I'm just still decompressing after everything. I’ll tell you all about after dinner, okay?”

“Sure baby.”

Nodding again Crowley walked past Cain and into the kitchen. Instead of making a plate he sat down and waited. Usually someone taking care of him chafed against his instincts but after everything today he needed his mate to take care of him. Cain made a plate, placed it in front of Crowley and sat down in his own chair. Crowley stared at the plate. He wasn’t particularly hungry but he wanted the comfort of familiarity. 

“Crowley?”

Crowley sighed and picked up his fork. “It’s nothing. I was just thinking.” Finally he started to eat. Dinner passed in complete silence as both of them finished their food. When they were done Crowley started to clear the table but Cain stopped him.

“I’ve got it,” Cain told him. “Why don’t you head to the living room and relax for a bit?”

Crowley tested the words to see if they were an order. The bond didn’t seem to think so and that was good enough for him. Nodding, Crowley headed to the living room. When he got to the doorway his eyes settled on his normal chair. Instead of walking over and sitting there he eventually made his way to the loveseat and sat down. He kicked his shoes off and leaned back against the armrest. Pulling his feet up he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. It wasn’t until he felt Cain enter the living room that he finally opened his eyes. Cain was standing just inside the living room watching him quietly. Crowley cocked an eyebrow and waited.

“Would you like to talk about things now?” Cain asked.

“I suppose it would be best. Can you sit down first?”

Cain’s eyes flicked to the other chairs briefly before settling back to the loveseat. He crossed the room and sat down next to Crowley. Cain’s posture was stiff and wary and Crowley shook his head. Of course his attitude so far would have Cain’s nerves on edge. He really should have talked about everything when he first arrived.

“I sat here because I wanted you to sit next to me while we talked about things,” Crowley assured him. Cain seemed to finally relax at that information. More than that, he could swear he felt Cain’s stress ease through their bond. “Despite everything there are some demons I know that are still loyal. I feel like I should mention that since I’ve recently discovered one of them is mated I have discussed our bonding with them.” Crowley paused to see how Cain would react to that news. 

“I’m glad you have someone you can discuss things with,” Cain answered tightly. 

Crowley frowned. “You don’t sound glad,” Crowley said cautiously. 

Cain sighed. “Actually I am. It’s just difficult to accept another person providing for my mate. I do understand though and I really am glad you have someone you can talk to about any questions you might have.”

“I also put in a call to Castiel.”

“That explains why you smell like angels.”

“Partially, but I’m getting there. Before you took me in I decided to try my luck with the Winchesters. On my way there I ran across Castiel. I’ll spare you the unnecessary details but on the way there we discovered Sam was possessed by an angel. The Winchesters had something I need in order to take back hell. I called Castiel because I thought he could help smooth the way for me. I didn’t realize at the time the prophet Kevin was staying there as well.” Crowley glanced to Cain at this point but Cain’s expression didn’t change so he continued. “In order to get the item I needed I had to make a deal.”

.

_A deal._ Cain processed that. The very idea of it set his teeth on edge. That’s just who Crowley is though, Cain reminded himself. Before Crowley ruled hell he was the king of the crossroads. Besides getting angry over something as perfunctory as a kiss used to seal a deal was stupid.

“I actually wanted to ask you about that,” Crowley continued.

Cain tilted his head questioningly and waited.

“As the angel was possessing Sam it was Dean I had to make the deal with instead. I’m not sure why but for some reason the bond didn’t like that idea. At first I thought it was because of the kiss itself. Only…” Crowley paused slightly. “Only Kevin got tired of us arguing and kissed me before I could stop him.”

“And?” Cain prompted gently after a few seconds of silence.

“And it was like the bond didn’t care.” Crowley shrugged. “It was like the bond was only upset at the prospect of kissing Dean. It didn’t have any issue with Kevin at all. I don’t understand what the difference is between them. It’s not like I care for either of them romantically.” Crowley gave another self-conscious shrug.

Cain’s muscles tensed as he suppressed the urge to growl. Crowley might not understand the bond well but Cain knew very well how bonds worked. That the thought of kissing Dean to seal the deal would cause Crowley’s side of the bond distress meant that Crowley had to have some kind of feelings for the older Winchester. He had to remind himself he could feel the truth of the statement when Crowley had said those feelings were not romantic. He had to remind himself to handle this carefully. 

If Crowley felt his jealousy through the bond he might get nervous and run. _With good reason,_ his mind reminded him. The dominants in Crowley’s past hadn’t been the best examples of how a dominant should act. Pressing his lips together Cain renewed his efforts to suppress a growl at that thought. He couldn’t allow himself to think about the memories of Crowley’s past he’d seen through the bond. He needed to focus on the here and now. Breathing in through his nose Cain released the breath through his mouth and forced himself to relax

“Okay, let’s look at this logically,” Cain finally replied. “What do you think the bond was trying to tell you?”

“I don’t know,” Crowley stated miserably. “All I know is the bond wasn’t the least bit upset by Kevin.”

“What exactly did it feel like?”

“I don’t know,” Crowley repeated. Straightening his legs he flung them over the front of the couch. Turning around he laid back with his head in Cain’s lap and threw his legs over the couch’s armrest. “I guess I’d compare it to something like nausea. Kind of like lightheadedness mixed with the urge to vomit.”

Cain reached down and ran his fingers through Crowley’s hair gently. Still, his emotions were torn. The symptoms his mate was describing did resemble what it felt like when a bonded demon thought about cheating on their mate. But then, Crowley had returned home and was actually discussing this openly. If Crowley had seriously been thinking about cheating on him then why would he do that?

“And you didn’t feel anything like that when Kevin kissed you?”

Crowley shook his head slightly. “Just the opposite actually. After that I actually felt quite a lot better. Like the bond had settled somehow.”

A new thought suddenly struck Cain. “Crowley?”

“Hmm?” Crowley hummed questioningly as his eyes slid shut.

“You’ve known the Winchester’s a long time.”

“Mm hm,” Crowley agreed.

“Almost every deal they’ve made since you’ve known each other has been with you.”

“Mm hm,” Crowley agreed again.

“You may threaten each other but you’ve never actually made a serious effort to kill them.”

“Mm, nope.”

“Tell me, how would you feel if another demon were to threaten either Winchester?” The change in Crowley was instant. One moment Crowley was lying calmly with his head in Cain’s lap and the next he was on the other side of the loveseat snarling at him. 

“Mine,” Crowley growled. “I’ll kill any demon that tries!”

And just like that everything suddenly made sense. Cain’s bond to his mate relaxed instantly when he realized what had been upsetting Crowley’s side of the bond. Crowley had been right. He did have feelings for Dean. Probably Sam as well. It wasn’t the romantic type however. Crowley viewed the brothers as his. He was protective of them. The bond would have picked up on that protectiveness and with Crowley not quite understanding his feelings towards them the bond wouldn’t have known how to reconcile the emotion. Finally Cain relaxed his hold on his own side of the bond and opened himself up to Crowley once again.

“That’s why the bond reacted the way it did,” Cain told his mate calmly. Crowley eyed him distrustfully and waited. Cain shook his head and repressed a smile. “You’re protective of them baby. You view them as yours.”

“They are mine,” Crowley growled, though his voice had lost most of its heated quality.

“And that’s what confused the bond. You view them as yours to either tweak or manipulate, yours to kill or protect.” 

“Yes,” Crowley said finally seeming to relax slightly.

“And the bond didn’t know how to handle that feeling. It would have viewed those feelings as a threat and reacted accordingly.

“But I don’t see them in a romantic way in the slightest,” Crowley argued.

“I told you, being bonded is about more than sex. When the bond felt how protective you are over the brothers it would have only known they weren’t your mate and reacted.”

“So,” Crowley replied slowly. “Because I view them as mine…”

“Because you’re protective over them the same way a dominant would be protective over their mate,” Cain corrected.

“It set off the bond and caused me to feel ill?”

“Exactly,” Cain confirmed.

Crowley was silent for a while. “Will it react that way if I’m in that situation again?”

“Hard to say but it’s doubtful. I think it’s because you weren’t quite sure yourself that caused the problem. Now that you’re more clear the bond should feel less… threatened.”

Crowley nodded absently again. Pulling his legs up he wrapped his arms around them and dropped his head onto his knees. Cain gave a sad smile before moving sideways to curl an arm around his mate. Crowley snuggled into the embrace and deep inside Cain’s side of the bond preened at how comfortable their mate felt in accepting their comfort. The bond was a very basic thing. It didn’t understand how complex the situation was and didn’t care. It only cared that their mate was seeking comfort from them. Cain understood though but for now he let himself revel in the feel of his mate in his arms. There was more they probably should discuss but that could wait. It was rare enough for Crowley to allow himself to accept any kind of help. Cain was determined to enjoy the feeling of taking care of his mate for as long as possible.


	10. Chapter 10

-  
Hours later  
-

“Crowley?”

“Mm?”

“Do you feel like you can talk about the rest of your day now?”

“Don’t want to tell you everything,” Crowley muttered tiredly.

Cain frowned. “Why not mate?”

“You won’t like what I have to do. Spare you worry,” Crowley muttered, ducking his head and snuggling against Cain’s side even more.

That Cain could understand. Crowley was a submissive in the relationship but on the whole he had more of a dominant type of personality. Of course protecting those he cares for would be his first thought. Still Cain wasn’t sure if he liked it. He could tell Crowley whether or not certain parts of his plan would actually work. Was he letting a promise to his first mate interfere with him protecting his new mate? If he went after Abaddon himself could he stop himself or would he pick up where he left off again?

“Deal included returning Kevin’s mother,” Crowley answered softly. “I had completely forgotten about her. I mean, I had demons watching her so I suppose she was taken care of but still, that’s not like me. Cain?”

“Hmm?”

“If I could forget something like that…” 

“You had people looking after her. A lot has happened to you lately. You were dethroned, targeted for assassination by a demon knight, banned from hell, subjected to a curing ritual left unfinished, dealing with an addiction, cured of the addiction, then mated. You forgetting some things is to be expected.”

“I suppose,” Crowley huffed, sounding thoroughly unconvinced.

“Things will sort themselves out now. I wouldn’t worry so much. Would you like to tell me anything else?”

“Not really but I think I should. Where was I? Oh yeah, Kevin. So after I returned his mother I helped remove the angel from Sam. We discovered the angel lied about who he was because he was the one responsible for letting the serpent into the garden. We were unable to remove him and Sam was in no position to give Castiel permission to enter him and expel the angel. Part of the deal was dependent on removing that angel. I had no other choice.”

Crowley fell silent but Cain refused to press. He was just happy Crowley felt comfortable enough to discuss things. Eventually Crowley continued.

“Castiel ended up burning off Sam’s tattoo and I possessed him. It took a while but after some convincing and a little… um shall we say drama, I was finally able to convince Sam of the truth and he cast out the angel. Me too by the way, very rude. Like I wouldn’t have left on my own,” Crowley sulked.

Pressing his lips together Cain resisted the urge to laugh. Crowley was really cute when he pouted. “And then what baby?”

“Then they, uh, let me borrow the Colt,” Crowley muttered.

Cain stiffened. “Excuse me?”

“Look, I know I can’t outright kill her. With the Colt I can however incapacitate her for a time though. I did tell you there were parts of my plan you wouldn’t like.”

“So you did. It’s my job to worry about you Crowley.”

Crowley unwrapped his arms from his middle. Sitting up straighter he turned and inspected Cain’s face. “Is that the only reason?” 

“The only reason for what?” Cain asked, slightly confused.

“Is the only reason that you want to take care of me because it’s your job?” Crowley asked quietly.

“Oh Crowley. No. Is that really what you think? That the only reason I care about you is because I feel compelled to?”

“I don’t know do I? You keep talking about how this and that is your job. You never say anything different. What am I supposed to think?”

“That’s not… It doesn’t…” 

Shoving himself off the couch Crowley stood and turned around to face him. “You never say anything other than it’s your job. Why _wouldn’t_ I question it?” Crowley snapped.

“That’s not how the bond works baby,” Cain answered quietly.

“Then teach me,” Crowley demanded. “Daniel said talk to you, I’m talking to you. Now you talk to me!”

“Daniel?” Cain questioned narrowing his eyes. If another demon was getting too friendly with his mate… 

.

Crowley froze. Suddenly he was filled with a strong wave of anger and possessiveness coming through the bond. Well bollocks. Trust him to say just the wrong thing. Drawing from his memory Crowley pulled out every trick he knew on how to deal with a pissed off dominant. He dropped his eyes to the ground and slowly he lowered his head. No quick movements, no eye contact, don’t speak unless asked a direct question but, above all, never hesitate to obey any direct order. As calmly as he could Crowley waited.

Cain stood up and stalked forward until he was directly in front of Crowley. “Daniel?” he repeated loudly.

“Bella’s mate,” Crowley whispered.

The feelings coming through the bond immediately dissipated. Crowley wobbled slightly almost falling over at the suddenness of it. He couldn’t let that happen. He didn’t know if that would upset Cain or not but he definitely didn’t want to take any chances.

“Bella, your friend and one of your former advisors? That Bella?”

“Yes,” Crowley whispered.

Cain reached up and placed both his hands on Crowley’s shoulders. Crowley couldn’t help it. Even though the touch was light he still flinched. He opened his mouth to apologize but clamped it shut before he could speak. Never, ever, speak unless asked a direct question by a dominant, he reminded himself.

“As much as that hurts I suppose I deserved that,” Cain said quietly as his hands fell away from Crowley’s shoulders. “Mate?”

Crowley shivered. “Yes sir?”

“Please don’t call me sir, mate.”

“As you wish,” Crowley answered with as much deference as he could manage.

“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I was just…” Cain sighed. “I was just jealous,” Cain admitted. “It’s hard for a person to change but not impossible. I’ve had a long time to get set in my ways with no reason to change. You did that, you make me want to change. You asked me to teach you what it truly means to be bonded. If you still want to know I’ll tell you.”

Crowley was unsure how to respond or even if he should. 

“I know you’re waiting for permission to speak. I won’t do that. I’m your mate, not your master. You never need to ask for permission from me.”

Swallowing Crowley nodded. “Yes.”

“Would you like to sit down?”

Immediately Crowley’s eyes flicked to the loveseat.

“You’re welcomed to sit wherever you like. If you feel more comfortable in your recliner then that’s fine too,” Cain told him quietly.

Crowley hesitated. He didn’t understand the change in attitude and wasn’t getting any information from the bond. _‘Trust in the bond’_ Daniel had told him. That was all fine and well if he could actually feel the damned thing. “Can… I mean…” 

“Ask whatever you need to ask. You don’t need permission and you won’t be hurt.”

“I can’t feel anything through the bond. Could you please stop blocking it?” Cain was silent for so long Crowley had almost given up on getting an answer.

“I could,” Cain said finally. 

It was faint at first. Crowley could barely feel the slightest tinge of several emotions. He tried to separate and identify them. As they became clearer Crowley’s frown deepened. Of all the things he expected to feel these emotions weren’t any of them. Careful to keep his voice deferential just in case Crowley finally spoke. “I think I would like to sit down if you really don’t mind.”

“That’s not for me to decide,” Cain said softly. “I told you Crowley, I’m not your master.”

“Yes s-” Crowley winced and tried again. “I mean, yes mate.” 

Crowley moved to his recliner and sat down bringing his knees up to wrap his arms around them. “I don’t understand the emotions I’m feeling from you,” Crowley admitted.

Walking across the room to his usually recliner Cain finally sat down. “There’s not a lot to understand really. I’m upset that I hurt my mate.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Crowley countered cautiously.

“I over reacted and reminded you of those before who have hurt you. Those memories cause you pain. In a sense I caused you pain by forcing you to recall those times. I should never have jumped to conclusions.”

“So,” Crowley began slowly. “You feel bad because you’re worried you made me feel bad?”

“I’m not just worried I made you feel bad. I _know_ I made you feel bad. I could feel the change in your emotions through the bond.”

“And you didn’t want me to know that upset you?”

Cain sighed. “That’s not it Crowley. I was trying not to hurt you again. I was wrong to close off the bond that way. I promised you that you were always welcomed to look whenever you wanted. I wasn’t trying to worry you I just didn’t want you to experience the disappointment I was feeling about my actions. I still shouldn’t have blocked you that way though. If you still want to know I’ll teach you whatever I can about what it means to be bonded.” 

“You mean what it means to be bonded to you?”

“No. I mean I’ll teach you what bonding is supposed to really mean. I told you at the beginning of this that forced bonding is nothing more than a corrupted version of bonding. It’s not what bonding is really supposed to be like.”

“Okay then. Teach.”

Cain nodded once and began explaining. “Bonding is a partnership. Both demons help each other when it’s needed. If left to their own devices a dominant demon will get themselves into trouble often. The general attitude of most dominants ensures that they rub almost everyone they come across the wrong way. Tempers flare and before too long one or both of the demons end up dead. A bonded dominant can always count on their submissive to keep them grounded and help them control their temper.

When a dominant can’t see beyond their rage their submissive can always calm them, mostly with nothing more than just a touch. When a dominant loses sight of the things that matter most their submissive can always open their dominants eyes and help them see reason. We need our submissives much more than they need us. I’m fairly sure that’s what causes us to feel so protective over them. Why we want to do everything we can to keep them from harm. After finding someone who keeps us calm, who we love with every part of our being, who keeps us grounded, the thought of losing them is almost unbearable. Without them…” 

The emotions now pouring through the bond were almost unbearable. Crowley had a brief thought that even learning about the bond didn’t matter if it caused his mate this much pain before he realized that was exactly the point. No matter what else the bond was for, no matter what else it meant, it all boiled down to this. Two people who cared about each other more than anything else; more than even themselves.

“I forgive you,” Crowley whispered.

“I should finish explaining,” Cain said quietly.

“No. I already know all I need to know. Don’t be upset anymore? For me?”

“I haven’t taught you how to block things yet,” Cain reminded him.

“Later. For now can we just go lay down?”

“Is that what you really want?”

“You can always tell if I’m telling the truth. I want you to pay carefully attention when I tell you this now. What I want most right now is to go upstairs, snag the quilt, lay down next to you on your bed, and cuddle. Okay?”

“How could I say no to something like that?” Cain asked with a slight smile.

-

Crowley could feel Cain’s emotions calm almost the very instant they had lain down together. Even so he still couldn’t seen to settle his own. He felt worn out and yet restless at the same time. Crowley shifted for the hundredth time trying, and failing, to get comfortable. Gods, what the hell was wrong with him? Repressing the urge to growl Crowley stared up and glowered at the ceiling. 

“Mate?” Cain called softly.

Crowley sighed and turned to face Cain. “Yes?”

“I did tell you bonding is a partnership.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong. I just feel…” The bed moved as Cain shifted until he was propped up on an elbow watching Crowley patiently. “I feel frustrated,” Crowley growled. “You got angry at me for no reason. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain before jumping to conclusions. I know I told you earlier that it didn’t hurt, and maybe it was true then but now…”

“I know,” Cain told him quietly. “I knew it even then. You just needed time to process things to figure it out yourself.”

“So you know everything, what else is new?” Crowley grumbled.

“Not true,” Cain disagreed. “If I knew everything I would have know better than to react the way I did. I would never have hurt you in the first place, little one.”

“I’m not little,” Crowley grouched crossing his arms. Still, he couldn’t help the small smile beginning to twitch at the corners of his mouth. “You’re just old.”

A smile spread on Cain’s face before finally fading. “Tell me what you need baby.”

“You,” Crowley answered without hesitation.

Nodding once Cain raised a hand and snapped his fingers. The clothing on both of them vanished instantly. Cain laid back and spread his arms. “Take what you need.”

Crowley intended to do just that. With a growl he slung a leg over Cain’s hips and leaned down for a hard kiss. When he broke the kiss he pulled back and stared down at Cain. Cain made no move to hinder any of Crowley’s actions. 

“You really meant it,” Crowley marvelled. 

“I did,” Cain confirmed.

Frowning Crowley continued to inspect Cain’s face trying to figure out how that that made him feel. He wasn’t sure what to make of this submissive attitude. No other dominant would have ever allowed him this much control and Cain was more dominant than the others by far. 

“Are you doing this solely because you feel the need to atone?” Crowley asked.

“No,” Cain answered shaking his head slightly. 

“Then why?”

“That’s not your real question is it Crowley?”

True, Crowley thought. That wasn’t what he really wanted to ask. “Why are you being submissive?” Crowley asked bluntly. Surprisingly Cain actually smiled.

“I enjoy watching you take what you want.”

Crowley opened his mouth to say that wasn’t the case the first time they were together before promptly closing it. No good could come of mentioning the claiming. Besides, it really wouldn’t be fair to blame Cain for anything that happened then. It’s not like Cain had much control during that and yet Cain still did his best to worry over Crowley’s comfort as much as possible. 

Oh well, in for a penny in for a pound he decided. He resolved to test this to see just how far Cain was willing to let him go with this. Leaning back down he claimed Cain’s mouth once again. Cain’s lips parted open the second they made contact. Crowley moaned into the kiss and there was a sharp spike of lust through the bond. Moving his hands to the sides of Cain’s face Crowley let his eyes slide closed as the kiss continued. When Cain let out a deep moan Crowley shivered. Finally he broke the kiss and opened his eyes.

“Mine,” Crowley growled.

“All yours baby,” Cain agreed. “Now take what you need.”

Crowley didn’t need to be told twice.

-

Crowley yawned and finally opened his eyes. It never failed to amaze him how well he slept in this house. The nightmares he usually had were few and far between now, especially after kicking the blood habit. As he started to stretch an arm dropped over his side and there was a sleepy grumble from behind him. Crowley rolled his eyes but smiled as well. “Cain: Father of Murder, first demon knight in creation, feared by all including other demons; one of the biggest snugglers you’ll ever meet,” Crowley quipped.

“Mm nope,” Cain disagreed. “Only with you.”

Unable to help himself Crowley laughed at the remark. “We are going to have to get up soon,” Crowley told him.

“Later,” Cain argued.

“Alright,” Crowley agree. “Not too much later but I suppose a little longer couldn’t hurt.”

“Mm,” Cain agreed kissing the back of Crowley’s neck.

“Hey now. You do that and we’re going to be here more than a little longer.”

“Mm hm,” Cain hummed agreeably. “Want you again.”

After a moment’s thought Crowley realized he could definitely get on board with that.

-

A little later had turned into two hours. A smile spread as he thought back on this morning’s activities. That had been a great way to wake. Maybe he really could get used to this, he thought. Finally he shoved his thoughts of Cain out of his mind. He would need to keep his head clear if he was really going to go through with his plan. Thinking about Cain would only distract him and that could be dangerous. With a thought he ported to just outside of Bella’s door and knocked.

“You’re late,” Bella told him as she opened the door.

“I was busy,” Crowley grumbled.

“I bet,” she replied with a knowing smirk. 

“Whatever, just let me in.”

Bella moved back and Crowley entered. Daniel nodded once in his direction Crowley gave a nod back in greeting. As soon as the door was shut Bella turned back to face them and cocked an eyebrow waiting.

“Well,” she demanded. “Did you get it?”

“I’m here aren’t I?” Crowley snarked.

“Don’t snap at me. It is the Winchesters we’re talking about here. They do have a knack for thwarting you.”

“Don’t remind me,” Crowley muttered. Reaching into his coat he withdrew the Colt just enough for Bella to see it. “Are you two ready for this?”

“Ready to go up against a demon knight? Of course not,” Bella huffed. “But we have a deal so we're ready when you are I suppose.”

“Daniel?” Crowley asked.

Daniel shrugged. “If she’s ready, I’m ready.”

“Now remember, the hellhounds are on our side so don’t attack them.”

“So you say,” Bella answered doubtfully. 

“Yes, so I say. Trust me, I know my hellhounds. No one in or out of hell knows them better than me. Besides, if everything goes right nobody should be fighting anyone besides me and Abaddon.

-

The three of them blinked to hell. As planned a small contingent of hellhounds were waiting for them along with the few demons Crowley trusted to still be loyal. There were others he thought were probably loyal but he hadn’t wanted to chance bringing them in on this. He couldn’t take the chance that he was wrong about them. Running his eyes over everyone present he realize no one was missing. So far so good. Now if none of them were playing both sides of the fence they’d be in business. With a sharp nod Crowley turned and the group made their way towards the throne room.

The few demons they passed usually stared in shock initially before following behind them at a decent distance. They were surprised and curious, yes, but they were also demons. Which meant self-preservation was chief amongst their thoughts. Crowley resisted the urge to roll his eyes at them. His mind flashed briefly onto what would happen if they failed. No. He wouldn’t let that happen. This was going to work. He would remove the bitch that had take his throne and caused his mate immeasurable pain. True he couldn’t kill her but he _could_ incapacitate her. They finally reached the throne room. 

While a lot of this was for show it also served a purpose. Hopefully having the other demons around might help camouflage his energy enough for Abaddon not to notice Cain’s energy. At least for now. Later it wouldn’t matter. Later he would make damn sure she knew Cain and he were mated and Cain was happy in spite of what she’d done to his mate. Most of the hellhounds entered first. The demons who had remained loyal entered just after them. Crowley entered next with a hellhound to either side. Bella and her mate Daniel entered last because he could trust them to watch his backside. As the procession approached the throne those in front split to the sides leaving Crowley standing before what used to be his throne and the redheaded whore now occupying it. “Honey I’m home,” Crowley announced.

“So you’ve decided to come to me to die instead of making me search for you? You really are suicidal aren’t you?” Abaddon asked sounding astounded. 

Crowley didn’t waste time; he didn’t dare. She could attack him at any moment and that could be detrimental to his plans not to mention his health. Without pausing he withdrew the Colt, aimed straight at her forehead, and fired. The bullet hit its mark perfectly. A fine trickle of blood oozed from the small hole. All in all it was utterly unsatisfying. All in good time, he reminded himself. He watched as Abaddon tried to blast him to pieces; once, twice. Of course the devil’s trap bullet prevented that from happening. 

Raising his hand he snapped his fingers summoning an axe. As he drew back he saw realization dawning in her face. She started to back away just as he began to swing. He knew though. There was no way she could back away far enough in time. Before she could get far enough away the axe slice through her neck cleanly, severing it from the body. Glaring Crowley watched as the head separated. Everything seemed to slow down. 

The head separated and tilted backwards and for a time the body stayed upright. After what seemed like an eternity the body began to fall almost lazily. Blood welled near the edges of the cut. Crowley watched fascinated as the blood gathered, pooled briefly, and finally began to spurt from the wound. _Interesting,_ he thought taking it all in. Languidly the body fell until it met the ground. It bounced slightly as it hit before finally stilling. Next the head finally hit the ground. It rolled across the floor right ear, face, left ear, back of the head until it finally hit the edge of the throne and stopped rolling. 

The trance was broken by scuffling noises behind him. He turned and noted his group with weapons drawn. The small contingent of hell hounds he’d brought were snarling at another group of demons nearby. Most others had backed away from the seemingly inevitable melee commencing.

“Halt!” Crowley shouted. Everyone stopped moving but the hellhounds continued their menacing growling. The corners of Crowley’s mouth twitched as he fought back a smile. “I may have been away for a while but I am still the king. If any of you don’t wish to die a slow and particularly painful death I suggest you put your weapons away now.” The demons preparing to attack his group hesitated and Crowley rolled his eyes. “Last time offered. Put your weapons away or I can promise you won’t like the consequences.” Finally those demons on the opposing side returned their weapons to wherever they stashed them.

Turning around Crowley walked over to the throne, bent down, and picked up the head resting on the floor there. “So here’s what’s going to happen now,” Crowley stated staring directly into Abaddon’s eyes. “Neither one of us are going to die today especially not you. After everything's said and done you might wish you were dead though.” Leaning closer he lowered his voice before speaking again. “If I had my way you would suffer for eternity for the pain you caused my mate,” he hissed. “As it is I’m going to have to accept the fact that you’ll spend the rest of time with nothing more than this knowledge. I bested you, took back my throne, and I will spend the rest of eternity eliminating all thoughts of you from Cain’s memory.”

Dropping the head he straightened. He turned back to the body and gripped the axe firmly with both hands. He took his time staring at the body and committing the image to memory. His hands flexed over and over against the handle of the axe. Finally he raised the axe and brought it crashing down. This was the bitch who had hurt his mate. This was the bitch that caused his mate countless nights of horrific nightmares. Anger consumed him. He would severe her limb from limb. He would severe her joint by individual joint. By the time he was done no two pieces would be left attached. With a cry of rage he brought the axe down again and again.

-

When everything was said and done Crowley was covered in blood but he found it oddly satisfying. Being covered in the blood of the person that hurt his mate felt good. He felt contented in a way he hadn’t felt in years. Turning around Crowley took in the the demons all staring at him. In stark contradiction to the demon in the room, the hellhounds sat quietly looking bored and awaiting an order. With their training and the jobs they were sent out to do it made perfect sense that they would be unphased by almost anything. 

Once again he felt some emotion flicker deep inside for what the hellhounds had to endure throughout their ‘lives’. He was never sure if it was his own past or something else that caused him to connect with these animals but for some reason he felt a certain kinship with them. They hadn’t exactly had the easiest life either. Tipping his head he indicated the entryway to the throne room and all but one of the hounds moved to block the only exit. The last remaining hellhound padded closer and sat down next to him. Inspecting the demons present Crowley finally sat down in his throne for the first time in a long, long, time.

“First we’re going to lay down a few rules. When I’m done I expect the majority of you bring any problems you have to one of my two seneschals. Daniel, Bella,” Crowley called. The pair of them made their way to the throne and stood on opposite sides of it. As Daniel’s powers were actually stronger than Bella’s and he was older than her, they decided to let the denizens of hell just assume he would be the dominant. It couldn’t hurt anything and it might help keep any demon from making a move against him. Hopefully. He need someone he could trust to fill the position of seneschal so he didn't have to spend all his time down here. That way he could spend time with his mate and Cain wouldn't have to visit hell unless he wanted to visit for some reason.

-

It had been one hell of a day. Crowley stopped as that thought crossed his mind and smiled at it. One hell of a day in hell, he mused. Finally shrugging the thought off he walked up to the door and entered the house. He went in search of Cain immediately. It wasn’t that he was feeling bad about anything. It was more that he felt wound up and Cain always seemed to help smooth out his emotions. The living room was the closest so it was the first room he checked. He found Cain sitting his recliner reading. The second Cain’s eyes landed on him Crowley was almost knocked over by a wave of concern.

“What happened?” Cain demanded crossing the room in an instant and gripping Crowley’s shoulders tightly.

Crowley frowned. “I went to hell to take care of Abaddon. I told you what I was doing before I left,” Crowley answered confused.

“Are you hurt?” Cain asked roughly.

Crowley’s frown deepened. “No, why?”

Cain stared at him incredulously for several long seconds. “Baby,” he said softly. “You’re covered in blood.”

Crowley groaned. “That explains all the funny looks then. I didn’t really stop to think about what I must look like afterwards.”

“What did you do?” Cain asked cautiously.

“Incapacitated Abaddon just like in the plan,” Crowley answered with a shrug. "Chopped her up into bits and hid the boxes across the world. Only I know where they're all located. Most of the places I put them are completely inaccessible to all but a few demons. Even if some demon finds a few parts of her though, they'll never find all of her." Cain nodded and Crowley finally raised his hand to snap himself clean but Cain caught it by the wrist. 

“I wish to clean you,” Cain told him.

“Um. Okay?” Cain picked him up and began carrying him. Crowley rolled his eyes. “I am perfectly capable of walking, you know.”

“I know. I just don’t care,” Cain told him. 

Crowley rolled his eyes again but decided not to fight Cain on this. Besides, he couldn’t deny that it would feel nice to be taken care of after everything that happened today. Crowley lowered his eyebrows as he thought about that. He wasn’t used to feeling like this and it confused him. Normally he would rebel against the very idea of someone else taking care of him. A small part deep inside still felt that way but it was getting easier to trust, if only just Cain. Once they were upstairs Cain carried him into the bathroom. Crowley shook his head but couldn’t help smiling. Finally Cain set Crowley down and moved to start the water.

“We should probably discuss hell,” Crowley began.

“Later,” Cain disagreed. “For now, I want to take care of you and make sure you’re all right. After that we can discuss anything you want, okay?”

“Alright,” Crowley agreed. 

Cain carefully adjusted the water. When he was done he turned around and began carefully removing Crowley’s clothing. Taking a deep breath and releasing it Crowley closed his eyes and finally let himself relax. When Cain was finished removing the clothing he helped Crowley into the tub and began carefully washing the blood off of him.

-

Wrapped in a robe Crowley didn’t even realize the demon knight had he found himself sitting in Cain’s bed leaning back against the headboard. Cain was sitting on a chair near the bed instead of joining him. Normally Crowley would have been worried with a dominant watching him the way Cain was staring but he was slowly getting used to the look, at least from Cain. If it were anyone else Crowley positive it would still cause him to panic. Maybe, just maybe, bonding with Cain wasn’t going to be quite as bad as he feared.

“Mate?” Cain asked, breaking into Crowley’s train of thoughts.

“Yes?”

“Would you still like to talk about hell now?”

“On one condition.”

“Which is?”

“Sit next to me?”

“I’m not sure I could keep my hands off of you if I were to sit closer,” Cain told him.

“Pretty sure I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Are you sure?”

“After the day I’ve had? Positive,” Crowley assured him.

Slowly Cain stood and carefully slipped onto the bed and lay next to him. Crowley laid down and leaned sideways letting his head rest against Cain’s chest and closed his eyes. Yes, especially after the day he’d had this felt perfect. With his ear pressed against Cain’s chest he could even hear Cain’s heartbeat. He had given up trying to figure out what the differences between Cain and other dominants were. 

The difference just didn’t matter any more. For whatever reasons he felt safe when he was with Cain and that was all there was to it. He had no doubts in his mind that occasionally issues would still pop up from time to time but he was slowly beginning to believe that maybe they would be able to work through them. This wasn’t anything as cliché as love at first sight or any of that rubbish but maybe that’s what made it work for them. Cain was nothing like a fairy tale prince but Crowley wasn’t a princess in need of saving.

“Love you,” Crowley told Cain sleepily.

“Love you too baby,” Cain answered.

Laying together in the dark, Cain’s heartbeat thumping softly into his ears, curled up safely in his mates arms, Crowley fell asleep.


End file.
